Personal attendant

This makes me cringe. I was in a wedding with a personal attendant and it was so awkward. She basically was the servant of the day. And was supposed to feel honored.

I kind of did this for a friend this past summer. She didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid because I really really couldn't afford it. I couldn't even afford a hotel at her destination wedding. However she's a dear friend I didn't feel like I was working, I actually was kind of like a bridesmaid.

I stayed with her and her bridesmaids in a house and spent a couple days before the wedding hiking and going out on the town. On the wedding day while they were getting their hair and makeup done I went and got lunch for everyone (an hour round trip). When I got back she surprised me by having my hair and makeup done too! I helped the photographer while she shot some portraits before the wedding. I was in charge of making sure her dog made it down the aisle and then into the house after the ceremony. I was also in charge of walking her dog after the ceremony and in the morning and dropping off her car at her hotel. Other than these responsibilities I was a guest at her wedding. It was really special to me to help her out and spend time with her on her wedding day. I never felt like a servant or anything. I felt like she valued our friendship enough to make it possible for me to be there and I was happy to help her out on her wedding day.

That said, I do think it's tacky to ask someone to be your "personal attendant." If you really want someone at your beck and call you should hire someone. My FH was invited to this wedding, but couldn't come.

You should not do this

I would highly suggest forgetting this "bright idea"

Please consider how you would feel being asked to work at a friends wedding while everyone else and the BP get to relax and enjoy the day. It's not an honor. Even if someone offers to help. If you require someone for some day-of help, consider hiring a day of coordinator who will also have the experience to handle unexpected situations!

When I was asked to be a personal attendant, I declined (I couldn't attend the wedding because of a personal conflict). But even without the conflict, I would have said no. It's like being someone's bitch for the day. No thanks. A bride can do without a personal attendant.

I think this whole personal attendant thing is insulting. Not good enough to be in bridal party but you can run around after me doing stuff .

Add to your bridal party instead if you feel you need more support on the day or hire a doc

Don't ask a friend...it is rude. If you can't hire a professional, maybe ask a friend to recommend someone.

Can someone explain what a personal attendant does at a wedding? I'm so confused...

I may have used the wrong word in this post. Let me start over.

I have a friend, but not a very close friend that I am looking to ask.

I will be hiring a day-of coordinator.

I guess what I'm "expecting" my attendant to do is just help with dresses and make sure we don't forget anything. I don't have room in my party for another bridesmaid. I am not looking for her to be at my beck and call. I guess I want someone as a bridesmaid that isn't? If that makes sense. Maybe y'all are right and I should forego it

Why don't you have room for her in your bridal party? Nothing says I want to honor you like "will you help with the dresses and make sure I don't forget anything?"

Definitely invite her family but please please please make sure you don't give her too much to do! I have been one and didn't even get to see the wedding! She should be able to enjoy the wedding as a guest as well

Why is this a thing?

Your personal attendant will feel embarrassed, your bridesmaids will feel awkward, your guests will be bewildered and the worst part is no one will say this to your face, but they will all feel it behind your back.

If you want someone in your bridal party but don't have room (what does this mean?), have her do a reading.

Heather, if this person is your friend, try to consider how this may make her feel.

She hangs out with you and helps you all day. But then doesn't get to stand up there with you like everyone else in the wedding party. Like she's good enough to help you, but not good enough to be a bridesmaid. Can you imagine, giving out BM gifts, taking pictures, etc while she stands in the back and watches? It really seems mean to me.

You don't need even bridal parties if that's what you're concerned about. Either ask her to be a BM or ask her to join you as a guest to celebrate at the wedding.

I would hire a vendor for this, like a Day of coordinator. They are experienced, and since they're being paid, their focus will be entirely on you.

How much are you paying her?

Why is someone who is "not a very close friend" even invited to your wedding? Or would she not even be invited otherwise?

I don't understand "don't have room for her" in the bridal party? That's not a thing, because there is no magic number.

Heather, this is exactly what BM's usually do. What exactly do you mean "help with dresses"? Can you not help each other zip them up?

I get not wanting to forget anything, but I just packed all my bags the days/night before the wedding and put them in one place. It's really not hard. Ask a BM to keep an eye out for you if you're so worried.

I don't understand someone fulfilling the role of a BM when you already have so many other BMs (to the point where this woman would not be one)?

You do have room in your bridal party, you are just being a bridezilla about even sides.

Also you have over a year away. You should not already have bridesmaids or even be thinking about this horrible idea yet. Relationships will change even in six months. You may find that when it is time to ask your bridesmaids, you suddenly "have room for her" because she became a good friend. Chill out until October/November and then decide on bridesmaids.