People being invited to an engagement party/cookout but not the wedding? help!

You're correct - those not invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to the engagement party. It's always difficult with parents hosting events as they love to invite extras but I would clearly communicate that those people aren't invited to the wedding. Hopefully they understand. Worst case scenario, I'd decline the engagement party offer if they won't get on the same page with guest list. Good luck!!

You need to speak to your parents. Give them your preliminary guest list and ensure nobody is invited to the cookout that is not on that list. You are correct, it is in very poor taste to invite someone to pre-wedding events and not the event itself.

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That's what I was thinking. I'm worried they've already spoken to people who won't be invited and I definitely don't know how to properly navigate that! I'll talk with them and see what we can get figured out. Thank you!!

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If they've already mentioned the party to people we won't be inviting to the wedding, what's your advice for navigating that? I don't know if it's happened, but I'd like to be prepared in case.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately, if they’ve already mentioned it to them, the only 2 options you really have are to either 1. Make sure your parents don’t formally extend the invite to the cookout (which could be awkward if they’ve already mentioned it) or 2. Invite them to the wedding

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Right. Well, I'm discussing it with them today so I can get ahead of it! I appreciate the help!!

View Quoted Comment Wish you the best of luck!

For anyone curious, I've spoken with family and they're only inviting immediate family members to the celebration, which means I'm in the clear! Very thankful for that!!

View Quoted Comment I’m glad it worked out. PP are correct that it would have been in very poor taste to invite anyone not on the wedding guest list.


If that had already happened your options would have been to invite them to the wedding, turn down the party or have the future in laws explain that they are very sorry but they didn’t take guest list limitations into account and spoke out of turn.

Engagement parties are optional and many families and social circles do not have them. For some people, their only exposure is a reference on a tv show. Etiquette says that whoever is invited must be on the set in stone guest list of people who will be receiving invitations. So your guest list must be finalized before these invites go out.


It would be more appropriate for parents to host a family reunion party where only those invited to the wedding are invited to the engagement party. Or skip the engagement party altogether and parents can have the family reunion separate.