People are ridiculous.

@gymrat I'm honored by your consideration!

I'm on the verge of being deleted from my local brides group for telling people not to ask for money, that all adults should get a plus one and that it's rude not to invite spouses, or that there should be alcohol served, even if you don't drink. If I get kicked out, oh well. At least I'm trying to have some fun before the inevitable.

How I'd look at it, I've been kicked out of better places. Pepeto would approve.

I removed myself from my local FB group as well. The posts were ridiculous and annoying!

I always though a Jack and Jill was a shower where both guys and girls went, no entrance fee or anything for fundraising. That must be the "official" definition. Pepeto must host them all the time!

A lot of my family and friends have had stags. I think originally the intention of it was a "shower" for the groom. Friends typically have it at a local club (at least in my area) and food, and booze is always provided (in my circle). Over time it's developed to include raffles etc, but most guys go play some poker eat and drink and celebrate the groom. We aren't having one, but my male cousins did. They've definitely turned into more money grabs as years progressed, but for my dad it was like a roast/toast for a bunch of the local guys.

ETA: I know they have tickets to get in, which is supposed to help with the cost. Definitely not condoning the event, just explaining what they are like in suburban CT.

Good for you. I thought about looking for a local bridal group so I could see what people thought about djs and such in my area (first local friend getting married). Then I found WW which has all that in one place. Also people who don't just validate but tell you honestly "that will get you seriously side eyed hun" so I don't make a huge oops. Seeing facebook wedding groups posts on here now make me cringe cause I know a lot better now. Thanks WW community.

I have been to these in my FH's hometown, also in CT - he said most of his friends that have gotten married have had them. I had never heard of it before. We are definitely not doing it but I agree, UO but I don't really think they are all that terrible.

The food and booze was provided but it was like $10 to get in and the bridal party all bought things to raffle off and people could buy tickets. It's definitely something your BP would plan for you, you never plan it yourself like it sounds like this person is doing. The money earned from tickets and raffles goes to the couple at the end. I am not into it. But it's definitely worse that this bride is planning her own, woof. Talk about grabby.

For some info on these- Jack and Jill's are EXTREMELY popular in New England, specifically in central CT. I am completely against them, and think it's very rude to ask people who aren't invited to your wedding, to come help pay for your wedding.

However, I see them all the time and they are really common here. My fiance's sister genuinely didn't know what a "bridal shower" was, and initially asked me when we were having our Jack and Jill. It was sad.

Basic concept- the bridesmaids and groomsmen throw an extravagant party for the bride and groom instead of hosting a shower/stag. The bridal party is expected to sell tickets to anyone and everyone they can. Most people sell them $20 each or $30 per couple. The bridal party is also in charge of each making a raffle basket to help the couple make more money. There is also a 50/50 raffle where you get an arms length of tickets for $20 to enter. Bride and groom get half the proceeds of that. I've also seen people play "Games" such as beer pong and you have to pay to enter the tournament.

Most couples in CT walk away with anywhere from $**** on the high end. These parties are ridiculous and so unnecessary. I see the posts on my local Facebook groups about girls asking for help with theirs all the time and its sickening.

In addition, I've also seen couples LOSE money hosting these. You have to rent a bar, hire a dj, and full on catering, so sometimes if they bridal party doesn't get enough people to pay up, they end up screwed.

ETA- A "Jack and Jill" is not a "Stag". A stag is a party for the groom, instead of a bachelor party. Only men are invited, similar to a shower, but instead of giving gifts, they do raffles, etc. These aren't as bad. A jack and jill is basically saying, give me money, I don't want gifts.

A Hen Party is a bachlorette night in the UK

Ya. I was on a thread this morning on a FB wedding group about open vs cash bar and it eventually got pulled for arguing (the mods on that group are crazy, you defend good etiquette and they pull the whole thread. I cant imagine what would happen in someone called an idea dumb there...) but man there are so many people who just don't get it.

@Kate- yes, it's crazy! It's so common here, like people get excited to go to them. The parents sell tickets too- basically anyone who is involved directly with the wedding is expected to help! They usually create Facebook invites too. I've been invited to random ones for people I've never even heard of before.

This all sounds awful. I wouldn't want to be part of any BP that had to do this!!!

The only group I'm on is for selling or searching for stuff. I report things that don't belong all the time, like posts like this. It's not supposed to be that kind of group and I don't want to deal with arguing. I'm sure the mod hates me but I'm keeping her group focused on what it's supposed to be!

Omg I can't get over that this is a thing. I live in New England and had no idea. I thought a Jack and Jill was just a shower where bride and groom are both present, usually hosted in the evening. That's what my mother has mentioned hosting. Thank goodness I read this post to clarify she can't call it that!

I don't think it's that terrible. I guess I don't see the harm in people wanting to have a wedding that may not fit all the "etiquette" rules which are sometimes very arbitrary. Idk, it's my biggest pet peeve when someone dismisses an idea because it's not considered etiquette. E.g. Like not having plus ones at our wedding which we aren't (unless married/LTR). To me, that's just being rude.

Jennifer, who are you to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship?

Sorry, etiquette matters. Get used to it. And, it is actually ruder to NOT honor relationships than whatever you were arguing was rude...

Sagan I'm in that same group! Hello WNYer! I rolled my eyes seeing that earlier. That's crazy you got reported for that. I don't think you did anything wrong. My FH is from Canada so that's common there however I told him no we are not doing that because that's trashy. A part of that post that pissed me off that was that the fact that she said she was going to make her party make up the raffle baskets. Like wtf. Rude. Bridal party members are not slaves.

Ewwww I for the life of me will never understand why people like the 50/50. The used to do it at the burlesque club that I performed at before and people loved it. Essentially people buy raffle tickets and they money goes in the pot, then one winner is chosen and they get 50% of the money. Not all....50... the house keeps the other 50.

And at a wedding?!?! W..T....F...

Yeah it is very common thing in my area and I just hate it. Like, I had a two year long engagement and saved my money and had a wedding that I could afford. I didn't hold a fundraiser to get people not even invited to the wedding to give me money. And i did not force my bridal party to donate prizes and build useless games.. Ugh!!! Literally anytime someone brings it up to me I get supppperr snobby.

Not all of Canada thank god.

Someone brought this up to me from the east coast asking if we were having one. Like others said your BP sells tickets. Then it's generally a BYOB event. They get donations for raffle prizes, baskets made, and contests(like guess the age of the bride/groom). The food is generally potluck as well. The 50/50 winner is pretty much pressured into gifting the winnings as well to the couple. Plus everybody needs to bring a bottle for the couple for the wedding. This way the wedding gets paid for and they bride/groom have booze to sell at their wedding.

I have seen lots of these posts now on the wedding pages locally as well. Never heard about them before