Pastor won't marry us :-(

Ask someone else- he does not have your same ideas as how couples should act

I don't think it's fair to be upset with the pastor per se. He's doing what he thinks is write by the law he subjects himself to. And by going to him, you agree basically to follow the same. However, if those aren't the same beliefs and values you and your FH follow, then find a new officiant. And eventually maybe a new pastor...sounds like you aren't on the same page.

Wow what an uncomfortable conversation..

@lisa no it does not bother me..because I am not lying the only reason he even knew was because we told him up front. And he is not forcing us. I am not being hypocritical..there are many rules in the bible and not one person follows them all at all times it doesn't make them hypocritical just human

Oh and by no means am I angry at him..I respect that he firmly stands in his truth..we just have to find ours and stand in it whatever it may be

Well, to be honest... if you're choosing a given officiant for religious reasons, it seems important that your officiant shares your beliefs & values. Do you feel good about your sex life and living arrangement in the context of your spiritual beliefs? If not, perhaps the officiant can provide some assistance in guiding you to where you want to be & find a way to get your relationship/lifestyle and beliefs in sync. But if you do feel good about your choices, you should stand by your beliefs and find an officiant who supports (or at least tolerates?) your values.

And if there are no officiants in your church/religion that would be willing to marry a "fornicating" & cohabitating couple... does a spiritual ceremony in that church/religion make sense for you as a couple?

Pick someone who's not obsessed with your sex life and an ass to boot.

Find someone else.

Definitely find someone else to perform your ceremony. Why exactly is a religious ceremony important to you?

Is this really that surprising? Technically according to most religions sex outside of marriage is wrong

I would definitely shop somewhere else.

I'm probably about to be harsh....But I'm not sure why other people are upset with the Pastor? He doesn't HAVE to officiate if he doesn't want to, whatever his reasons are. It's his FREE service she is asking for. If she were paying him that would be one think. But it's free so she gets what she pays for. For me, my pastor is also officiating for free. His rule was that my FH and I have to go through 10 weeks for premarital counseling. If we don't then he won't officiate. That's his rule, so, we started our counseling last week....So, your options are basically to do as he asks or find another officiant. You can't always have your cake and eat it too.

Wow I never imagined having that conversation when choosing a priest, do all priests have this conversation and rules or is only certain ones?

Honestly, I would find another officiant if you want to continue fornication. Shoot if this is standard i guess I will not be getting married by a priest as planned, FH and I already have a son together so who knows how that conversation will go.

If you agree with him that it's sinful to have sex before you're married, then you need to stay celibate for the next five months. If you don't, you need to find a new pastor. I'm not quite sure why people stick with a church that has doctrines they don't believe in. There are lots of other churches out there!

@Jennifer: Nope, not all priests have these rules. Some don't think premarital sex is necessarily a sin. Some think it's none of their business. Some think that everyone in their congregation is sinning one way or another, and that the others aren't barred from getting married. Some think that it's sinful, but that the way of stopping the sin is to get the couple married so that sex will no longer be sinful. So it's perfectly possible to have a religious ceremony even if you're having sex--just not with this particular pastor.

Of course, we got married by a rabbi. He never asked whether we were living together, and probably assumed that we were. But I can understand that other people's religion is different. I just don't understand why you'd stick with a religion that had completely different beliefs that you did.

I'd tell him to go fornicate himself and find a new officiant.

BUT. I'm not religious and find all of that stuff to be oppressive and outdated. If you actually subscribe to those religious beliefs it would be a little hypocritical on your part to expect to have him as an officiant and continue with the fornicating. So... ball's in your court.

Op like it or not hypocritical is exactly what it is

Thanks for the dictionary snapshot

Yep pretty much if anyone follows a religion and don't follow its beliefs . Very rare nowadays that anyone does . Honestly

I think you should just find a different officiant because this one does not suit your beliefs, lifestyle or values. Not tryin to insults you but why would you want to stick to an officiant or a church that want you to change your lifestyle for the next 5

Months?

Thanks @missEtoMrsB

Lie? Then confess after the ceremony? Yeah, I think that's a thing.