Pastor won't marry us :-(

Choose another officiant.

I would ask somebody else.

I agree. Choose another officiant, someone who represents your values as a couple.

That's extremely forward for your officiant. And if you can't hold off for another five months, find another officiant. I would not go the route of lying to a pastor.

If it was that simple..i would have done that. There are no shortages of officiants but if you want a religious ceremony in my church there are rules. Unless we go the non religious route which we do not want..but whatever..we shall see

What in the name of awkward? Find someone else...I would worry about the nature of his (her?) ceremony language...

We would never lie to a pastor. If we decided to stay celibate and live in the same house we would honor that. But not many pastors will even be ok with the living situation as a whole

Deal breaker. Move on.

Plenty of officiants who aren't affiliated with a congregation are ordained and/or will do religious ceremonies. They just tend to be a bit more expensive.

Yea he was actually free. My church doesn't charge for weddings. Unless you are renting the church. But yea..I guess we need to make a decision soon

FORNICATION. IS THIS 1824.

Seriously, he has got to go!

I'm having a religious ceremony, FH and I own our home and my officiant knows we have done the do!

Lmao @Cats!

If a pastor - or anyone - is forcing you to make a personal decision that makes you unhappy, then I firmly believe you should not have that person in your life.

This pastor is making decisions for you. I'd have a huge problem with that.

It sounds like you only have two options here: find a new officiant or follow his awkward advice that oversteps so many boundaries on so many levels. As a pastor, his job is to advise and counsel you, not condemn you.

As a Christian, I really struggle with this type of leadership. If it were me, I would be looking for a new officiant that was not requesting I move out of my home for 5 months. I also tend to rebel a lot though lol.

Sorry but this is madness. You don't follow whatever religion it is by having sex before marriage so why on earth would you want to get married in a church whose values you don't follow? It's hypocritical no?

Like someone else said find an officiant in line with your values instead of marrying into a church whose religion you don't follow. Or just tell the officiant your celebite - I don't get your argument of oh we'd never lie to a pastor yet your having sex against your religion and that doesn't bother you

So if I am understanding you correctly... One of the rules of marrying someone in your church is that you don't fornicate. And you, knowing that you live with your FH and (i'm assuming) have intimate relations, asked this person to marry you anyway. And now you are upset he is asking you to abide by the rules of marrying in your church? Personally, I would kick a pastor to the curb who asked that of me, but I'm not being married by a pastor, so...

Sounds like if you want to get married in that church you need that pastor to do so. That's pretty common, the pastor of the church is the only one that marries in that church.

Sounds like your options are:

1. Getting married in that church and live apart as they ask

2. Move in together, find another venue (probably non religious venue) but have an officiant perform a religious ceremony (this is what I did)

3. Have a non religious venue and non religious ceremony with a new officiant

Chose another officiant. He has the right to his own beliefs and you have the right to yours. If those beliefs don't mesh, move on.

Doesn't sound like you guys share same thoughts and ideals as your pastor. I would look into someone else