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Devoted May 2021

Parents of Groom duties - out of state

Trinity, on November 14, 2019 at 10:48 AM Posted in Planning 0 12
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Hello All,

So I am having a dilemma, what are the duties that mother of groom or parents of groom have to do? My in laws live out of state. Thank you!

12 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on November 14, 2019 at 11:55 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    They’re required to do absolutely nothing.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Caytlyn. There's nothing they have to do.
    Maybe you can rephrase your question... are you looking for ways to involve them? Is that what you mean? If so, maybe just ensure you keep them in the loop. Let them know some of your ideas (only if you are welcoming their opinions) and share some details as you progress with your planning. When people are far away it's easy for them to feel like they aren't involved and if that's important for you and for them, then make a point of communicating with them about wedding-related things.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    They don't really do anything in terms of tasks other than walking you down the aisle but even then that's under whether you want that. I had mine walk in the processional and that's about it aha
    • Reply
  • Shaunte
    Expert December 2021
    Shaunte ·
    • Flag

    They aren't required to do anything. Are you asking about what they traditionally pay for?

    If so, I believe, traditionally, the groom's family would take care the rehearsal dinner and marriage license. I think the groom, traditionally, would take care of marriage license, rings, tux, transportation for his guys, etc.


    All of this is contingent upon his family offering to pay for these of course. I wouldn't ask or expect it.

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    They don't really have to do anything, to be honest!

    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    Duties = showing up.
    Traditionally they would host the rehearsal dinner but they arent required to do anything really.
    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted May 2021
    Trinity ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you all! I was worried they might get offended if they don't get to be involved.

    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I think the better question is if they want to be involved then find ways to involve them. If they don’t then they just have to show up.
    • Reply
  • V
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    If you want to suggest something for them to get involved in, try to pick a weekend when you are meeting with a vendor, doing a menu tasting, etc, if you don't mind having their opinion, and inviting them to visit. My MIL had never met my parents when we got engaged, so she flew down to go menu tasting with us and look at hotels for the room block. She ended up planning a rehearsal dinner while she was there, but that wasn't prompted by me.

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  • Sarah
    Expert August 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    My Future in laws live out of state. During the venue search, I'd send FMIL emails with links and updates as we visited. They're taking care of the rehearsal dinner. And I also planned dress shopping for when she could come down. Of course, I love my FMIL and feel we have a pretty good relationship so I wanted her to be apart of all of that. She prompted the rehearsal dinner planning herself.

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  • Christine
    Expert September 2020
    Christine ·
    • Flag

    Mine are out-of-state as well. All that I care about is them being able to fly in for the wedding! That being said, I will probably see if my FMIL is interested in or willing to help out with some set-up tasks at the actual wedding, and we'll probably do a late engagement party at my future in-laws' place next spring so that we can still celebrate with some of my FH's extended family that probably won't be flying out for the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    Mine are out of state. They aren’t doing anything, and I didn’t expect they would do anything. My mom could be a million miles away and still want to do stuff so it really depends on the person. You or your fiancé could ask if they want to do anything but I’d be careful to word it like you’re not asking for money (because you shouldn’t be). My future mil drove up for a venue tour 🤦🏼‍♀️ (Long story, we weren’t even engaged yet and she made me go look at a venue) And for dress shopping. The next wedding related thing I will see her at is my bridal shower.
    • Reply

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