Parents Not Invited?

If they are going to be that petty then don't invite. Step dad doesn't belong there if he assaulted you and if her mom won't come because he's not invited then she's shooting herself in the foot by missing her daughters wedding. It sucks but focus on the people who do want to be there

Fh's dad and sister are not invited to our wedding. His dad did something horribly awful, and his sister backed the dad. If this stops other family members from coming ::shrug:: oh well.

Don't invite him. Have your FI tell the mom that you two are uncomfortable with his being there, and that you will be heartbroken if she does not come because of it, but understand.

@Alejandra D. It's not that we don't have the courage, but it's only going to lead to fight and make even more stress before the wedding, which we don't need lol Bio-dad lives in AUS, so he's flying over just for this..not to mention he has nothing todo with at this. A letter just seems like the safest way..other then the anxiety over writing it

Should also add, the step-dads parents probably won't come because of this and they think fiancé should be out of college before she gets married.

Tell her mom by herself isn't a good option just because her mom will just blow up on her and start back in how this is all our fault, when we didn't do anything to start this or even for him to assault me.

Woah. That sucks. Don't invite is my vote

I agree with everyone about not inviting him. Assualt isn't something I would look past. I also think your fiance should wait till she's done college to get married but that's neither here nor there at this point.

Michael, I'm sorry you guys are going through this, and I absolutely think you should NOT invite him. But like it or not, it seems that no matter what you do, you will face negative repercussions, one way or another, from her mum at least.

I think your issue here isn't about what you do- you already know the answer. Nor is it about HOW you do it, because I don't think there's one right way. The issue here is making sure that you and your fiancee are strong enough, confident enough, and prepared enough to face the (arguably necessary) results of your actions. Focus on building yourselves up and becoming comfortable with what you have to do; the fallout won't seem as horrid if you're prepared. Keep going to counseling- it's a great way to figure out coping strategies for toxic parents.

@Bee by time we're married, she'll have her associates. Then transferring into the nursing program..which would be another 4 years, which she doesn't want to wait that long.

Yes. How is the new question because we know there will be fallout, it's just what do we say and preparing for the aftermath

Writing a letter sounds like a great way to express your honest feelings.

I would not invite, who wants that drama on your special day

I'm sorry yall are dealing with this. I agree that you should not invite her step dad if he assaulted you. He wouldn't even get a hello from me. And if mom wants to miss one of the biggest events of her child's life, that says a lot, too. Keep trucking. Keep planning. ETA: My stepmother is refusing to attend my wedding. I was a little bothered at first, but I was given great advice to focus on who will be there as opposed to who won't. My dad will still be attending and would never miss my wedding regardless of what nonsense occurs with her. Maybe her mom will see the error in her ways.

Assault = no invite

Your fiance needs to grow and figure out what she stands for. The fact that her mom stands by her husband even after assault says a lot of the mother and I am surprised your fiance still wants her there too.

I'd say invite them and let them decide. Tell them that her bio-dad is invited and they can deal.

If you think step-dad should NOT be invited, then just invite the mom and let her decide.

I would just invite her mother, but I agree with PPs about maybe sending a letter to express how the two of you feel. "Given what has happened, we absolutely do not feel comfortable with your husband attending. We understand if this offends you and you decide not to attend, but we hope that you'll reconsider." If she chooses to miss such a huge day for her daughter, she will regret it for the rest of her life, but at leas the two of you made the effort to have her there. So sorry that you have to deal with this.

Assault means no invite. It will be better for you and your fiancee.

I wouldn't invite. I'm not inviting my bio mom. We've never been close, she's manipulative and she'd make my family that IS there for me super uncomfortable. Nope lol

Let mom know that bio-dad IS invited and stepdad is NOT invited. She is welcome to attend w/o stepdad. If you think he'll show up, hire security or have your biggest brawniest friends watch for him.

Your fiance needs to say, "you are not welcome to our wedding because you physically assaulted my fiance, and because you have continued to cause problems in our relationship and being generally unsupportive. Mom, if you choose to not come then that is on you, and although it hurts me that you are refusing to attend my wedding, I cannot allow this toxicity to continue affecting our lives and our wedding". Just be blunt. These aren't people you want at your wedding. I'm sure it's hard for your fiance but she needs to stand her ground. Physical assault and emotional abuse are not okay and she needs to stand by you. If your step mother assaulted her I'm sure she would expect the same from you at the very least

Don't invite anyone who assaulted you. If anyone else is hurt by this decision, then they can join the step dad and stay home.