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Just Said Yes September 2023

Parents helping: Best way to ask for money when i need it?

Rachel, on November 15, 2021 at 2:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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So my parents offered to put X amount towards the wedding. I did not expect them to do this and I am more than grateful. My dilemma is that I want to ask for some of that money to put down the deposit on our venue and I’m just not sure how to go about it. My current idea is to invite them to meet us at the venue and bring the money for the deposit. That way they can see what their money is going towards and feel apart of it. or if they don’t want to come I can just go get it. I guess i’m not sure how to properly phrase the question.
I’m also worried they will be upset about the final cost of the venue. They’ve said things like “the weddings only one day you’ll regret not having that money later” and “ “my dress was only $200 I got it used from a friend and it was perfect” ect..
I appreciate them helping out so much, and I don’t want them to feel like I don’t appreciate it. Or like I’m just wasting their money and ours on a big wedding that they somehow already know I’ll regret lol I’m worried that the money aspect will become a point of conflict when it’s not spent how they want it to be spent. This is the first time I’ll be requesting some of what they offered and I want it to start on a positive note.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Hmmm, on November 15, 2021 at 10:03 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Since they’ve already said they were going to contribute, I would actually ask what things they want to contribute towards. If you think they’re going to be critical of your choices, it might be better to put deposits down with your FS and just accept whatever monies they want to give you when they’re ready.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I would just talk to them about what they're planning on doing as far as contributing. Do they plan on paying for specific things, giving you one lump sum of everything, or splitting it up into multiple checks? I agree with Sarah that if you believe they're going to be critical and try to change your choices it would probably be best to just wait for them to come to you when they're ready.

    For example, my parents made it clear that they would give us a sum that was equal to paying off our venue in 3 separate payments, but they're not requiring us to take the money they give us and go give it to the venue. I paid for my dress and a few deposits with it and the rest has been put into our wedding savings account.

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  • R
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Rachel ·
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    That’s a really good idea! That puts it in their hands and if they say something like “whatever you need“ hopefully they’ll mean it. I have also thought about putting the deposit down with our own money rn so I wouldn’t have to worry about it yet lol. I still might just invite them to see it regardless of who puts the deposit down, I think my mom would enjoy it. (Besides the &dollarSmiley winking
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  • A
    Devoted November 2022
    Allaura ·
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    My parents are paying for our wedding and every time I need a deposit or something I just tell them what is for, how much it is, and when I need it by. They are located in a different state so I also provide pictures, why I like it and I give them the contact info just in case they have questions or something.


    I will say I give my parents all of that but they never use it and never questions beyond “do you guys like it”. For our venue I took my mom on the tour with us so she could see it and hear the details.
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated February 2022
    Kelly ·
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    I would just honestly ask them if they wanted that money to go to something specific or are they leaving it to your discretion. If they say you can put it towards whatever let them know you would like to put it towards your venue deposit and see if that is possible right away and invite them to go with you to the venue if they want. That way you know for sure what they plan on and they still feel included and heard. People will always give their opinions but at the end of the day it is about what you and your fiancé want to make your day special!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Your budget is a critical first step when planning. I would very much be direct and ask how much they were planning to contribute, specifically. I wouldn't book anything until you have that information because it may change your planning.

    Also be aware the money can come with strings. You may find yourself needing to compromise more than you think if you accept the help.

    Good luck with your planning!

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Every family dynamic is so different, there is not “right” way any of us can really advise you. I was fortunate to have my dad contribute to my wedding. I have a very open and direct relationship with him, and he DGAF about details or guest list. I knew he’d be easy to work through things with, and he was. Alternatively, my sister has not even started wedding planning because she is either afraid or embarrassed or too proud or something that she hasn’t just asked him yet. Our dad is like that though, unless you directly ask him he’s not going to think to do it.
    If my mom had been the one offering money, there is no way I’d ever accept it. I know it would come with stress and opinions and judgement and alllllll sorts of strings.
    If you’re doubtful or feel like you’re getting too much unwanted opinion, don’t ask for it. Or give your parents a call and say “hey, we’re starting to put deposits down, what’s the easiest way to go about this?” Again, only you or maybe a family member can really direct you here.
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  • Sheree
    Savvy April 2022
    Sheree ·
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    Find out exactly how much they are contributing and then get your budget in order and just ask! My fh parents are paying and whenever I need to reserve or buy something I just tell him to ask his mom for the amount we need at that time and she happily sends it over!
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  • H
    Just Said Yes December 2017
    Hmmm ·
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    My parents had specified to us that they wanted to pay for the morning after breakfast for all of us and our guests so I was able to give them the total and that was our wedding gift from them which was great! Your parents may have a specific idea in mind where they want to pay for a certain part of the wedding like your dress of the photographer or open bar, just ask them if there is a certain item they had in mind they would like to be from them or if they're open to you using it as you wish. I personally really enjoyed being able to include in the wedding program that the morning after breakfast would be hosted by my parents it gave them a nice kudos!
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