Over kill ???

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Oh wow. You're better than me. Congrats! Your child comes first, though. so if spending what you are spending for and on her is hindering financially, I would definitely recommend just being honest with her and tell her how you really feel.

That is complete overkill! I would feel HORRIBLE if I made my bridesmaid spend that much money! My girls only spent $120 on dresses, we split the cost of where were staying for bachelorette ($70 each), and they are splitting costs for my shower with my step mom and FMIL. I don't even expect a gift from any of them! Them being in my bridal party is enough gift for me!

Your bride sounds vapid, selfish, spoiled and entitled. Unless she's family or your bestie since birth, I'd ditch her.

Serious overkill. Way too much money. I would be straight up with her

I would have dropped out. This is insane. A destination wedding is a huge ask, and the rest of that stuff is overkill.

Unless you have over $100,000 income after taxes, that wedding is way too high a share of net income for any friend's wedding. And why hasn't one or all of the WP said that whoever among her friends, bridesmaids or family who decide to throw a shower or bachelorette in a bride's honor, are the ones who decide the budget, the nature and length of the celebration. Only an extremely rude person, no social manners, plans a party in their own honor, and dictates the terms to others to do it . Unless, that person is truly hosting a party, then they pay every expense for every person, all food, drink, lodgings. But to dictate terms, do this for me because I want it, is really unacceptable, controlling and selfish behavior. It does not matter if it is a birthday, anniversary, wedding, or retirement, or an award or honor: Hosts plan and pay, and the honoree has no part in the planning except to say, I will or will not be able to attend. ... Look in any etiquette book, now or 1920 and anywhere in between. Honorees dictating terms is unacceptable, unless of course the bridesmaids accept being bullied. Bride can plan anything she wants and completely pays for, for her own wedding. Come, or don't come. But expecting BM to spend way over a reasonable amount of their net income, because bride wants to be treated like a princess, is wrong. ... Withdraw as bridesmaid, if it is too much. Don't accept being pushed into what you cannot afford. Good, real friends don't do that to people they care about. What happens if you have 3 other family or close friend weddings in the next year or two?

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I second this.

I don't see the situation getting better if she's this demanding this far out. It's just going to get worse as the wedding gets closer.

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Yeah... That's not ok in my book. That just screams "greed" and "self centered" to me. I would have to agree with you and say that your assessment of bridezilla status is correct. It's so rude to not take peoples budgets into consideration.

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Ohhhhh… NOPE!!!!! The income/financial situation of the bridal party is none of her business. Just because a person makes such and such salary does not mean it is ok to disregard a budget. If one of my bridesmaids made $500,000 per year and told me that her dress budget for my wedding was $75, then I would respect that. One's financial status is no ones business but the person that financial status belongs to.

Honestly, I find her attitude extremely disgusting. If I were in your shoes I would absolutely have a discussion regarding all of this. If she isn't reigned in, then I fear the amount you and the other wedding party members will continue to increase. You're already at an estimation of $6,000. That's completely ridiculous, especially when she didn't speak with you all about it first to make sure you all were comfortable with that number. It's one thing if this was discussed before hand and you all agreed that having a $6,000 budget as a bridesmaid was ok, but I hate to say it, it seems like she may be using you all. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I am getting.

Super ridiculous. I understand it's her wedding but holy crap lol. She should have a registry but a second registry is a little much. I'm not familiar with the jack and jill party - is that like a bridal shower? Even so, if the cost is a lot for you, you should voice your concerns to the couple. We were going to have a DW originally, and I fully expected not everyone to be able to come and I didn't expect anyone to bring a gift because of the cost of attending a DW. I think the price for the dress is alright and I understand wanting to have the dresses a year out, but it's a lot of money. I would back out of the bach party personally.

That's insane. You just had a baby. Tell the bride you are unable to contribute any more financially to her wedding.

Thank you everyone for the input it’s been a wild ride and on top of this all the jack and Jill showed they are throwing and having a second registry for I found out is byob :/

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^^^

All of this. I would never be able to stomach spending that much on someone else’s wedding.

Have you talked with her?

Hi all I need some advice this situation is getting worse and I think I will back out ... I assisted the bridal party in planning a jack and Jill shower .... during the week leading up to the bbq my father became ill and passed away I had a funeral and had to arrange all of the estate planning while caring for my 4 month old daughter and during this time I arranged the group gift ($1000 gift card) I baked a truffle Mac and cheese and made a fruit platter to bring for the bbq ... the day after the bbq the bride told me I should not have brought my daughter ( although there were other children there ) and that I should have helped plan more for the bbq instead of “focus on my fathers death” and told me I was using that as an excuse to not “ be apart of the bridal party” I am feeling as though this is the last straw and I want to decline being in the wedding party I am not sure if I even want to maintain this friendship how should I handle this

View Quoted Comment She is not the kind of person you can reason with it’s her way or the highway please read below for new development in this party I need some advice

Wow she is a brat sorry but not sorry! I’m doing a destination wedding as well but I found every way possible to make it cheaper ! My bridal party dresses are from Etsy ($70) flatters all body types. My mother is doing my wedding shower at her home as an offset cost . My Moh I told her I don’t want a bridal shower we are just doing a drag dinner show in NY before we leave for JA. I got discount on flights ( group rate 30+ people on same flight) I’m covering private transportation for group to and from airport to hotel. All inclusive resort was $400 pp in Jamaica.
I'm paying for private RD and private Reception as package only came with 2 hour reception. I’m bringing hair and MUA with us and covering cost for both . Can’t fathom being in your shoes after just having a baby so unfair .

Get out while you can . You don’t need the headache sorry for the lost of your dad. She’s not a friend at all. She’s an obnoxious brat who will end up being alone

View Quoted Comment Sadly I agree I put my boundary up today and have to move on from the friendship for my daughters sake as well she needs good people in her life ... your wedding sounds amazing congratulations and thank you for the kind words

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I saw that you left. I am sorry that you didn't do it sooner but I am glad that you are finally standing up for yourself. Anyone who would treat you this way around the death of your father is not a friend you need in your life - is not in fact a friend at all. What this person has done is just gross and terrible.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your feedback this forum really helped me to Gain the courage I needed during this time being a new mother and loosing my father I’m vulnerable and exhausted to say the least thank you for taking the time to respond I’m feeling like a weight is off my shoulders , Births , deaths and marriages can really shift your life and I feel that this was a shift in a more positive direction for me to only welcome positive and healthy relationships it can be so hard at times to set boundaries