Over kill ???

Yeah your friend is completely insane, sorry. The extra cost to attend the destination wedding is reasonable in that you have to travel and get accommodations but everything else is too much. It doesn't matter if you all have the hypothetical means to spend all this money, it doesn't mean that you have to and it certainly doesn't mean that she can decide how your money is going to be spent. A demanding a week long bachelorette party? Now she's telling everyone how to use their PTO? Nope nope nope.

I would either put my foot down with her and do either

1. Tell her NOW that you can't spend this kind of money for the next however many months and that she must ask your budget for each event before booking or invoicing you for how much you owe. Tell her that if she does not ask you for a budget first, you won't give her any money. You don't have to say any of this in a way that she will perceive it as a threat or ultimatum, but you have to be honest with her. (And again, she has no right to tell you want you want to do with your money, even if she "knows" that you can pay for this stuff). You can't be the only bridesmaid who feels this way.

2. Drop out of the wedding now and take the loss on what you've spent. I suspect that this is only going to get worse and that your friendship is going to suffer from it either way. It might be easier to drop out now.

I'm sorry that your friend is acting like this. I had a friendship ruined over the behavior of my friend during her wedding, so I know how much this sucks.

I feel like this is unfair to say. We are having a destination wedding and in no way was it a deceitful decision for our guests to pay more. We picked our location because it had meaning to us and have friends down there as well (some of our friends up here are also friends with them too). If we got married where we live, it would still incur costs on guests so it does not matter the location.

Last year we also attended a wedding that was not destination for the couple, but it required travel (with hotel stay, not within easy driving distance) for 90% of the guests. So guests having to pay something to attend a wedding is unfair since unless your whole guest list lives near you, there are expenses for everyone.

At the end of the day, yes, it is money to be spent, but everyone chooses if they are going to go or not. This also applies to being in the wedding party - which everyone knows will cost more for the wedding party.

I did not say having a DW was deceitful. I just think it frequently saves the couple money (they get to combine honeymoon and wedding), and everyone else pays more.

I feel like you should have never gotten into this mess! I think that if you are stressing out about it now, then you are not going to have fun at all. It seems more of a burden to you. I think you should cost your losses and back out. It does suck that others will have to put up more because of it, but that is not as important as your sanity!

One of my bridesmaids is also fixing up her condo and she broke down about the price of it all. I told her that I did not want this, but if she felt it was too much, she can step down because I want this to be fun for her too, not stressful.

You said it is a way for the couple to push costs on the guests, which implies that people go into a destination wedding not wanting to spend more and wanting the guests too. That is why I used the word deceitful. Compared to if we have the wedding where we live, yes, we are saving more because we live in New York City - which would be very expensive - and a lot more people would come. However, the wedding is still costing us a lot. We chose to spend the week after in the same area because it is easier. I hate to fly, we will have my dog with us, we are driving a lot of stuff down, and it is just easier logistically. We talked about it, but it would require us to drive home, find someone to watch my dog, and then repack. I just feel like you are making an unfair assumption about destination weddings for everyone when each situation is different.

People who have destination weddings should absolutely NOT have destination bachelorettes as well. Also why did you spend $250 on a engagement gift? I would've never done that or if I did they wouldn't get any other gift for a jack and jill or for the wedding. It's too early to order dresses so she's idiotic on that part nor should it have been a $250 dress. Honestly I would've been questioning all these things before I put money down. The budget for those things are meant to be based on the bridal party, not her.

Yeah this right here is a big fat no.

She can want this ridiculous bachelorette party all she wants, but she has no right to demand it. I would drop this wedding party and this friend no, unless you can rally all the bridesmaids to call her bluff about the bachelorette.

If she wanted a bachelorette to just celebrate with her friends, then it shouldn't matter what you guys do.

The more you update the more I think you should just get away from this girl as fast as possible. She seems selfish and entitled and surrounded by people who constantly give her whatever she wants - hence the passive aggressive attitude.

This is insanely over the top!!! If it were me, I'd have to decline. There's no way I could (or would) spend that kind of money on someone else's wedding! Plus, nobody has even mentioned the time involved--a week-long bachelorette party/getaway? That's ridiculous!! First, I couldn't afford the cost. Second, I wouldn't be able to get that kind of time off work for someone else's pre-wedding events.

Maybe this is a know your crowd kind of thing. But it really sounds more like a bridezilla kind of thing. No thanks. I couldn't do this for family, let alone a friend.