Over 60percent decline rate...*sigh* and apparently some people have to be a**holes... about it

So sorry. : (

I can relate! My decline rate isn't quite as high as yours, We've lived in 3 different places all across Canada and picked up friends in each place but now that the RSVP's are coming in it's a little disappointing to see who isn't coming. My FH is from Quebec and our wedding is in BC so it's really tough for him too.

I'm just telling myself that the ones that matter most will be there and it's a beautiful day about the two of us, not everyone else

I'm sorry I know how frustrating it is. I had a 43% decline rate, mostly my family. My family is from the other side of the us, and most weren't able to travel. But I will tell you that while it disappointed me that some people weren't able to make it, my aunts, my best friend from hs, my grandpa, I still had an amazing wedding. The night of my wedding I wasn't missing the people that weren't there, I was having an amazing time with the people that were able to make it. To be honest I was honored and very touched that so many of my family members did take time off and travel across the country to attend my wedding. Try to focus on who is coming, not who isn't.

I totally know how you feel. i'm originally from oregon and all my family is from oregon/washington. DH's family is here in texas/mississippi. we decided to get married in texas. a lot of his friends live out of state all over the country (he was in the navy) and of course, texas is halfway across the country from all of my family. but, everyone had to travel. even the ones here in texas because we got married 3.5 hours away from where we live.

we invited 122 people and were sure that we'd have at least 100 attend. oh, no. no. we had 51. less than half!!!

there were a lot of DH's friends that didn't come that really, really disappointed and surprised him. we really found out who really cared after having our wedding and a few of our relationships have changed big time since then.

it really, really sucks... i totally know how you feel. if it makes you feel any better, i was seriously in tears when we got our final number. it was so devastating. but on the day of... i literally didn't even care. and honestly was totally happy with who showed up. the people that really cared and really mattered were there and they made our day that much more perfect. we had an amazing day. a perfect day. and while we are still a little disappointed... i wouldn't change a thing.

trust me. i know it sucks but try not to let it bother you. you're going to have an awesome day with or without them. and it's THEIR LOSS that they miss out on such a great party!

We're dealing with this. It was the same decision, and we decided to get married where we live, not where either of our families are. He is first generation American, his mother is Scottish, so most of his extended family on that side is in the UK, and his immediate family is about an 8 hour plane ride within the US. Even with our very small guest list - most of it is "mine."

My mother pointed out that even if the *whole* wedding was "my" family he would have family there. He is marrying me, as of that moment we are a family, and my family is his.

We are taking steps to include his family long distance. We're going to have the ceremony sent via Skype. I promised to call before the ceremony for some last minute advice, and we are using his family traditions in our wedding, more so then mine.

It's not an easy situation.

I'm sorry :/ About 60% of our guest list had to travel (though none as far as yours) but we still had more declines than we expected. It DOES hurt, no matter what you tell yourself.

You're still going to have a fun wedding. At some point, somewhere between hugging the 50th person for the night and trying to make sure you visit with this other person, you will be thankful that you didn't have more people there. Trust me on that one!

Yea, I am starting to feel the same way.

We are getting married in September, in Los Angeles. My family is originally from Northern California, you wouldn't think this is an issue, but people (grandparents, aunts) are declining left and right.

Even today I had one person decline, she is the mother of one of my best friends, and while it is understandable - she won't know anyone there- it still stings. Right now, out of the 110 we invited we are at about 63. Seems okay, but the majority of declines are on my side and hurting my feelings a bit.

I realized after some declines, with this being an adult only party, and during the school year, it was going to be tough for those with kids or those who are teachers...but I think it still stinks.

:/ sorry Nicola. I hope some of your family is at least reaching out to say they wish they could be there...I'm sure they do wish it!

I think smaller, more intimate weddings are better anyway. Think of it as a blessing (and a cost savings!!)

What Mrs k said. I always wanted my wedding to be small, and I'm glad it was. But there was a classmate that was going to come and I was excited about it. Then he sent me a message a few weeks beforehand, explaining that his job was sending him to Europe. And that made me sad. but as I stood at the back Of the aisle, I remember feeling so happy I could burst. And I remember thinking How it all just didn't matter. I had never felt so incredible, so beautiful, and so lucky. the get this. A relative who lives about 3 hours away from me, Comes to my town quite often, and said yes to the invite, called me a few weeks before the wedding, and said she wasn't coming On account of its Halloween. She knew the wedding was on Halloween for months. I don't know what the real story is, But the other day when she was trying to get ahold of my mother, she called me crying about how devastated she was that she missed the wedding. Did I mention drama queens run in my family? but in the end, sometimes you're just better off with the smaller wedding, And all the dramatics they can put a damper on your day.

Aw That's too bad. I'm sure that you will still have an amazing day though and at least you'll get to talk to everyone who is there more!

Thanks guys! I think I just needed to hear all this again. And it's nice to know that I'm not crazy for feeling disappointed.

The funny thing is we originally had said we wanted about 60-80 people there and then our guest list ballooned to 130, just trying to accommodate family (both our families are pretty big). So this is actually closer to what we really wanted - and I keep telling myself that we're saving a boat-load of money.

But still, there are a few people, one of my flatmates from Uni, another friend who was instrumental in actually getting FH and I together, that I wish could have been there. But at over $1000 just for flights, not even considering accommodation per person I know I can't blame them.

The most important people will be there family wise, apart from my Dad, who passed away last year, and my eldest sister, who simply cannot afford the flights.

I think what upset me more was that a lot of my side didn't even RSVP, they just mentioned to my Mum they weren't going to make it. And I guess I am disappointed that they didn't even really acknowledge the invite.

We're having a party in the UK when we're back there for our honeymoon - so I will get to see all these people - but it's not the same has having them there to share the day with us.

I think I also get annoyed with FH when he has had 5 people decline out of his whole side of the guestlist, which was bigger than my side to start with, and he gets all upset and mopey. And I just want to shake him and remind him that I will have 10 people at my wedding - out of all my family (which is huge) and all my friends 10 people are going to be there for 'me'.

*sigh* I know I'm being kind of childish thinking about it that way - and I know I'll get over it - but right now I just want to pout and stamp my foot! lol

Aww :/ Keep your head up.

Oh my god - seriously JoyBekee? WTF?

You do realise that I am actually English, right?

ETA: I've just fully processed the last part of your first paragraph and wow - talk about rude. You do realise I'm British and you're actively insulting me.

WTF did I ever do to you? I seriously was just on here to vent just like everyone else, and you have succeeded in making my shitty day even worse. Thank you very much.

Honey, I have nothing against you. Its called Karma

What karma? You don't even know me, but it sounds like you're suggesting that I deserve to not have the people I love at my wedding.

Hi Nicola,

I'm sorry-- it is disappointing to have people decline, even if you know in your head they have good reasons, or that you should have expected it. I'm a family therapist, and I can tell you, if humans were logical and emotions always made sense, I'd be out of a job! So, accept that you're sad, wallow in a couple of days, then start focusing on the Bright Side. I hope you have a great time with all the peope who do come!

Nicola ignore Joy. She talks in completely incoherent sentences and is usually involved in a conversation that no one else is having.

JoyBekee WTF?

@Allysia - Apparently so. But seriously. Exchange 'British' for another race or nationality and I think others would be pretty damn upset too. Seriously.

@Zoe - yeah, I know my disappointment is irrational. Lol. I even told a few people I didn't expect them to come for money reasons!