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Just Said Yes September 2013

Our out of town Bridesmaids and Bachelorette

Alang, on August 11, 2021 at 7:30 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 12
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I am the MOH for my best friend. Two of the other bridesmaids are out of town and have not come to ANY wedding events or really helped in any way. They are also barely showing up in time for rehearsal it’s not even like we could do something the weekend of the wedding. I understand that with COVID and being far away it wasn’t feasible…and the bride very much has the attitude of “I don’t expect you to come to anything but the wedding!”…but as the bridesmaid who is footing the bill for everything I wish they would chip in. Is there a polite way I can ask them to contribute some money for the bachelorette party? One has offered to send a gift for the bride but I feel like that they should be doing that too.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 14, 2021 at 2:38 AM
  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    If they are not attending, you should not ask for any contributions. It can be difficult for out of town bridesmaids to make all wedding related events, and all pre-wedding events are optional. Some can only make the rehearsal and the wedding itself. You should reach out to those who can go, get their personal budgets and plan accordingly within those budgets. One person should not be footing the bill for everyone. And she shouldn't have to send a gift, she wants to send a gift. It wouldn't be a gift if it was out of obligation.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    No, there’s no way to politely ask them to contribute to an event they aren’t attending. Could you cut some things out of the bachelorette to make it more affordable? You shouldn’t be covering the whole thing anyway. Most bachelorettes I’ve attended have been split evenly among everyone attending.
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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I agree that if they cannot go they shouldn't pay. It's a difficult time as far as traveling goes, and for some it's just not feasible. Are there others attending the bachelorette party? If so you can definitely ask them to help pay! If no one else can go, just take the bride out the 2 of you! You could get your nails done, go to a sip and paint place, go out to dinner, do a spa day. Tons of options for just 2 people and it wouldn't totally break the bank!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2013
    Alang ·
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    Everyone is paying their own way for the dancing class we are attending (minus the bride, who I am covering) but because of the cost of the class I didn’t want to ask guests to pay for dinner out as well so we are having the rest of the party at home. But there is still all of the dinner and drinks to take care of
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    Have you asked those who are going what they would like to do? Going to dinner vs buying everything and having it at a house? Or is it you think it's getting expensive but you haven't even asked them if it is out of their budget? The worst thing they can say is no I can't afford it (It being the restaurant).

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree with everyone else. There is no polite way to ask people who aren't attending to help pay. They are not required by no means to attend or contribute to any pre wedding events. You only ask those who are attending. If I was an out of state bridesmaids with no plans to attend pre wedding events, I'd definitely not be helping pay for them and I definitely would be annoyed if someone asked me to help pay.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    The bride has the right attitude about it. They aren't required to help fund anything (nor are you!). You certainly are under no obligation to buy everyone dinner (except maybe the bride if you want to). So I would reconsider that part of the evening for your own sake.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I totally see your point of view though because it IS a lot for one person to front. but at same time, what everyone said is true - if they are not going, then it's kind of hard to ask them to pay. but i feel like as a bridesmaid i'd want to contribute.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with this. Don't take on more than you can easily and cheerfully afford.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    I agree with everyone else, they should not have to contribute to an event they’re not going to. Don’t over extend yourself. Anyone attending should be contributing, otherwise plan what you can afford. Also keep in mind that even though they aren’t contributing to local events, they do have the added expense of having to travel for the wedding. Just to keep things in perspective.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If they don’t contribute, don’t have a party. It’s not your responsibility to cover the entire bills without help.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yeah you can't spend someone else's money for them. Have whatever party you can happily afford. Honestly these days-long bachelorettes are getting a bit out of hand. Nothing wrong with ordering pizza and movie night with her best people.

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