open wedding or not?!?!

We're having a similar situation with our friends. Our families are huge and we won't be able to invite all of our friends. After we come back from our honeymoon we're going to go dancing in DC and inviting all of our friends/former classmates and celebrating. That way we won't have to worry about keeping the costs down. The soap idea is very thoughtful of you though, I'm sure they will understand and want to wish you happiness anyway.

Thanks Jackie! I'm hoping my friends back home will understand. I'm learning that my vice is I'm very considerate of others feelings, but at the same time I'm learning to make decisions that are best for me and my FH. Oh I love your idea to go dancing with your friends afterward your honeymoon!!!

Oh yeah, if there's something I learned through this process is that I can't make everyone happy. And I think you're being so considerate. I'm sure they'll understand, besides your happiness is priority No. 1! Good luck!

@ Lovely Q We've having a church wedding that can hold about 400 people. Our reception is at a separate location.

Initially, we considered the A/B list, but the numbers we too large! The other concern was we couldn't afford to send out over 250 invitations. Our head count (without receiving regrets) now has 280 people on it, and from that number, those are the individuals that are invited to both the ceremony and family reception.

Yeah my whole point is not to come off rude, so that is why we considered having a mini reception. After considering everything, we're just going to have a receiving line and personal give them their favor before being swept off to our family reception.

I know how you feel, we couldn't do a big formal reception and invite everyone that we want.. We have finally decided on having a "social hour" in the courtyard behind our church where we can greet our guests and (maybe) have cake and small refreshments.. Then we're going to take pictures and eventually go straight to our honeymoon, without a reception. Then 3 weeks after the wedding we're just going to throw an informal (yet decorated and pretty!) "party" where we will invite those who want to come and celebrate our marriage.. We figure this will cut alot of people, because alot of people probably wont go since they went to the wedding.. But we know that our closest family and friends will be there and that's what matters.. And we'll invite all of our wedding guests to the party, so no one can say they aren't invited! Its hard to feel like you have to please everyone. But everyone (hopefully) understands a budget and will understand. P.S. I like the "going dancing" idea!!

Thanks Katie! Your plans sound awesome!!! I wish it was that easy for us tho. Since our wedding is in Florida, we won't have time on our side to have a party after our honeymoon because we'll be headed back to Maryland. Things will fall into place for us tho!

I think your friends will understand and will be happy to attend the ceremony. We have a somewhat similar situation in that my FH is a minister and we cannot afford to have them all at the reception. So we're extending an open invitation to the church members for the ceremony only and we will have a cake/punch reception with them after service when we return from our honeymoon.

LovelyQ,

We're having a Brunch Farewell at our caterer's diner the next day, so I guess I can have them meet us there. We could extend the offer.

@ Ladylee Great gesture of love! Thank you for your advice!

Thanks LovelyQ!

Hmmm. I totally get your wanting to have everyone at the ceremony. But, while it's easy to explain to people that you couldn't invite everyone because you're having a small, intimate reception, it's hard to explain that there were 230 people ahead of them on your invite list. Also, be prepared for some confusion and hurt feelings when people show up at the ceremony not understanding that they're not invited to the reception. If I received an invitation, I would assume I was invited to the whole thing. I would send a gift, and then I would be pretty offended when I was told to go home after the ceremony. I would much rather not be invited at all.

Talk about a rock and a hard place. Have you already done invitations to the farewell brunch? If not perhaps you could just do the brunch with your parents, siblings and friends. That way you almost get the best of both. I have to be honest, I do like a good brunch. I agree with LovelyQ, if they are good friends they will understand.

If you invite people to witness your ceremony, you need to invite them to the reception. It's basically a thank you to them for coming to witness your vows. It would be very rude to not invite them. You should find a space where you can accommodate everyone, or don't invite them to any part of the wedding. Perhaps just punch and cake in the church's fellowship hall. (Then, after the official reception, you can go out to dinner with your parents.)

And aside from having to receive everyone, it seems rude to tier your guest list. Like someone else said, they'll know you had 230 people on the list ahead of them. It looks a little gift grabby, too. "Drop your present by the door, but we can't afford to actually host you after the ceremony."

I'm just telling you what it will look like. I know you don't mean it that way.

I understand what you mean - the church where I'm getting married is the same church my mom & grandparents attend. They also have known me for quite a while. There are going to be several people from church who will show up but aren't invited. We decided to use the church social gathering space for a mini social while we are taking pictures. We'll have juice and fruit, cookies, and veggie trays.

It's awfully nice of people to attend your ceremony without an invite to the reception. I'm sure you don't expect a gift.

The favors are nice! Maybe even something edible and sweet too, like chocolate or mints!

Maybe after your honeymoon, you could throw a picnic or bbq or pizza party at your house or clubhouse and show your honeymoon pics and just gab and socialize with your friends.

Besides, if you have more than 200 ppl, you won't be able to spend enough quality time with your friends anyway unfortunately.

@ Deborah L. Many people understand that the economy has changed and and having huge receptions are conducive to couples who want to budget their money. On another hand, I've followed wedding etiquette throughout the planning of my wedding, but life changes and the ways of old aren't always the right way to continue doing things.

For me to still be stressing out and considering people's feelings should let you know I'm not trying to be spiteful in any way. I've taken into consideration how they could feel without being invited to the family reception. Jacksonville is a laid back place to live and my friends there would at least want to be able to see us at the ceremony then to not see us at all. With all that being said, if I please the guests who can't come to the family reception, my family will be waiting hours after the ceremony for us to come to the reception, so that wouldn't be fair to them. Regardless of what decision I make, I'm in the middle of it....