Open versus Assigned Seating

I'm having open seating at my wedding. We'll have around 100 guests (seating for 120) and a buffet style meal. I was going to do assigned seating, but with my parent's divorce and continual family drama/rifts, I would have to do the seating chart the night before to make sure everyone was happy. lol

4) Assigned seating leads to added stress on the bride and groom. It gives you one more thing to do before the wedding and you can't do it until the last minute because of RSVPs and last-minute cancellations and add-ons. You are stressed trying to figure out who to sit where and how people will get along.

5) In my humble and honest opinion, assigned seating makes guests feel like they are in kindergarten. This is just my opinion and I know that people will completely disagree with me.

6) For every person who appreciates where they are sitting (get to be with family or close friends) there is at least one person who is upset with their seat assignment. For example, at my uncle's wedding last year, he sat his sister (my Mom), my Dad, and the three of us siblings, with his boss. We can't stand her and we're pissed that she was at an immediate family table. She is annoying and ruined a lot of the wedding for us. We spent a lot of the night avoiding her and not getting to sit down!

We are having a buffet, so don't technically "need" assigned seating. We will have assigned tables, but each table of 10 can choose where they sit. We're having about 200 people, so I thinking that assigned tables will decrease the amount of time it takes people to find who to sit with, etc.

Yeah, you're going to get people are aren't too happy... but what I've learned is that not everyone is ever going to be happy. Without assigned tables, there are going to be empty seats because no one person is going to feel comfortable sitting with 9 people they don't know.

Everyone has to gauge the tone and mood of their own wedding individually, but I just wanted to continue this discussion and offer my insight.

I have been to two weddings with assigned seating and they were not good (the one above I already told you about...and by the way, we weren't the only people who were upset). The other one was when I was 17 years old and I got sat at the kids table! My brother who was 18 was at a table with my parents and I was with a table of 7 other kids, the oldest of which was 10. Not only did I get separated from my family and have to sit and be a babysitter, but I didn't get to enjoy any of the reception like the "adults" did.

I have been to many weddings with open seating and all of them have gone well. I am doing open seating and am 100% sure that this is what I want.

I realize that people will have differing opinions and that each wedding and group dynamic is different.

Oh and the last thing is that my venue does not charge per table, per chair, or per centerpiece, so I don't have to worry about any of that. The points that Hayley made about needing extras, more room for the dance floor, etc. are definitely things to consider. I just fortunately do not face any of those issues. We have plenty of room and don't get charged extra for having more tables or chairs. The dance floor is built-in and is massive.

If you are worried about space, time, and/or paying for extra seating, then of course that would affect your decision of open versus assigned seating.

@Katie Bug: oh my gosh that happened to me too! I was 17 as well, and at the kids table. It was super not fun. Yeah, I've been to weddings where I've had to sit with people that weren't really my choice, but I'm extremely introverted and honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone except my closest family and friends. With a guest list of 200+, I don't really see anyway around it. And I'm not envisioning anyone having a problem with it (I know someone will, but we don't have any conflicts/divorces/etc)

We don't have to pay for tables or chairs, and we fortunately have plenty of space, but we do have to pay for tablecloths and napkins.

The assigned seating question always fascinates me b/c I've only been to one wedding that did NOT have assigned tables, and it was a complete clusterf*ck. I always thought that was just something you do, no question.

Personally I think it takes stress off your guests, especially if they have a big family or if they don't know other guests. Otherwise it might be like the lunchroom on the first day at a new school...."Hey guys, is this seat taken? Oh it is? Okay."

Katie it sucks you got seated at the kids' table. Bad judgment on that bride's part!

In my experience I really dislike open seating. I've done alot of weddings and I try to discourage it because it can get really chaotic. Example: You have the tables set for 10 - well, 12 people want to sit together so they decide to move flatware/dinnerware from another table and all squish into one (yes this has happened a few times).

Edit: Exactly what I was going for Kris.

@Kris - That's so funny how different parts of the country have such different "norms"

Just to be clear, I am reserving a table for our immediate families. We are inviting one family of 8 (who I am reserving a table for), two families of 4, and the rest are couples. So again, it just depends on your individual wedding.

@Ashley - Another thing about me is that I don't care if a table of 10 is turned into 12...I really don't. If you definitely want all of your place settings to remain untainted, don't want things moved around, etc., then again, that should impact your decision.

I agree with Melissa W. I was having the same problem. No one wanted to sit with his mom. lol

It's not the fact that I personally want the place settings to remain "untainted" - as a catering manager I think it's rude to start moving entire place settings around from table to table - it is a wedding - not musical chairs.

Well the two weddings you mention with the assigned seating didn't go so well because the person who came up with the seating chart well is an idiot... To me it's common sense to seat a 17 year old with their own family not at a table with young kids.

If open seating tends to work for your family then continue to do it, but anecdotal evidence isn't going to change my mind. Provided the B&G are actually thoughtful in their seating arrangements it works out better than open seating in most cases when you have a large amount of guests.

Haha yes, I agree that those particular B&Gs did not make the best choices, but that's exactly my point. My Mom actually asked the bride why she sat me with the kids and if I could move to their table. The bride said that she thought I would enjoy sitting with the kids since I've always loved playing with little kids. She is an extremely nice person and honestly thought she was making a decision I would be thrilled with. That's what I'm saying - Who better to know where they want to sit than the guest themselves? Why should I make that decision on their behalf?

@Katie - I think people have mentioned several times WHY people assign seats. As Kris S. pointed out if you have a large family or if you are a couple that doesn't know anyone else. I

Also Ashley P. has mention it's more convenient for caterer/servers. When you have 14 people who have shoved themselves on a 10 top all because they want to sit together it makes it difficult for them.

Like I said if open seating works for you go for it... The pros and cons of assigned seating have been stated each couple just has to decide if the pros outweigh the cons.

Like I said if open seating works for you go for it... The pros and cons of assigned seating have been stated each couple just has to decide if the pros outweigh the cons.

^^I completely agree

I feel like with 200 people and 210 chairs MAX I have to have assigned seating otherwise last minute familes/etc will have to be separated. Also FH and I both have divorced parents and we need to keep certain people away from others. I am hoping it all works out but its a headache I havent started to conquer yet!

I am at a loss for what to do at my wedding. We are inviting 160 people & will have 8 settings per table. I think assigned seating (tables, not seats) would help to cut down on tables being half full, but MOB thinks assigning tables is unnecessary. FH says he doesn't care, originally he wanted to reserve tables (close to the sweetheart table) for our families. What should I do? (sorry if I'm hijacking, I'll move if needed)

Meagan, I'm in the firm assign tables camp. I also feel like if you assign tables for the families, you should assign tables for everyone.

The other benefit of the seating chart is that you can separate people who don't get along, keep the old fogies away from the loud speakers, seat the pregnant ladies closest to the washrooms, seat your drunk Uncle Ernie far away from the bar, and seat your OOT friends who don't know anyone at a table where you know other guests will make them feel at home. It's a way to make your guests more comfortable, if you do it thoughtfully. Just my .02.