Open bar disagreement...

So here is my opinion. There is not set rule. I know in some states cash bars are acceptable. My sister in law had a cash bar and I did not blink and eye because I feel if I want a drink I can buy one. I have been to weddings where it was open bar for a certain amount of time and then cash afterwards so the mentality guests should not have to pay (in regards to food and non alcoholic beverages no -- alcohol is not a requirement even if some people think it is). However, I would ask is your husband thinking of the bill that will come and that is why he was thinking to charge? Do you have the budget for open bar? If so, do it. I guess after speaking to an acquaintance of mine who I always felt her husband and she are well off, when she reflected on her wedding day and that her husband wanted open bar, top shelf and the $7,000 liquor bill she got afterwards -- she felt I wasted all that money for one day to appease others. Of course you want your reception to be fun but again unless you have the money upfront (you offer free liquor people will take advantage -- I would) I would keep it simple and surely would not do top shelf but I agree to not charge a set fee per head.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response! I personally think it’s tacky as I was saying earlier. I don’t think it’s more for a profit because he will have alcohol that cost way more than receiving the $5. I think it was more of a way to make ppl tip and get a portion back. But I’ve never been to a wedding that did that and I’m trying to gather other’s opinions so he can see.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your response! I did ask why he felt the need to because at $5 a drink, that’s not much of a profit after spending so much on top shelf! I offered to pay him whatever he thought he would make. He says his family loves to drink and they will pay. But I really think it’s tacky. I want to just make it open bar. I will be showing him these responses so he can see others’ opinion outside of mine. But since I get to choose mostly everything else, he’s like “let me have this please”.....ugghhhh

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Well is it because of profit or I think by him saying my family likes to drink meaning either 1 - he is trying to limit drunken craziness which I agree to or he just does not want the bill. Sure show him these comments but can you meet him half way? Sounds to me like he does not want to pay the bill on top shelf. Based on your last comment it sounds like he wants some say in the wedding so I can understand not wanting to charge guests but I do feel you could do just beer and wine or maybe a signature drink. One thing, I fear you showing him these comments that his opinion is wrong since he said let me have this one might come off like you are trying to take control. I agree with not charging the guests but discuss with him and medium where the guests aren't charge. He should also have a say in the wedding so I do feel you should give some leeway to him.

I agree with everyone else! Either don’t charge or do a dry wedding. My girlfriend hired a friend of a friend to bartender her wedding, so they put out a tip jar, but even that was solely for the bartender at the end of the night, not for the couple to use. Other than that, I’d find requesting money to be inappropriate.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding!!

I would say put up some money towards the bar, maybe enough for every person drinking to have 1 or 2 drinks and then after the $ you put down runs out then guests could pay for each drink! You guys can meet in the middle!

View Quoted Comment No he’s a big drinker himself and loves top shelf. As do his friends/family. He specifically stated his ppl won’t find it offensive and will pay. Mine don’t really drink like that. Very few. So he’s thinking it will give him some of his money back. But he specifically chose a venue that allowed him to bring alcohol. I see your point about trying to take control. But I think I’ll show him and still put the ball in his court as to what he decides to do. But I did try to say I’d pay for alcohol so it wouldn’t be on him since he felt the need to charge. I even offered to give what he thought he would make. That’s when he kinda said no. I let u choose this and this so give me this please. Say no more... I then posted on forum. Just so he can see other’s opinions. He thinks I’m I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding! The last wedding we attended was just like that. But the options weren’t to his liking so he’s trying to change that.

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Yeah for profit no that is not cool I agree. So are you planning to bring your own liquor? If so, then I would not stress but yeah if it is paying the venue and a bartender I may be hesitant. I get ya as my husband and I like to drink too but different than when we are paying for it ha ha. I think you can present some good arguments about why it is bad to charge to make money back as you hope the wedding gift will recuperate some of the costs. I think you are being fair by paying for it too but yeah I agree that if you charge you may get less money wedding gifts.

I'm with your FH but Common ettiquite is to not charge.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding!

View Quoted Comment I understand his wanting to be more included in decisions, but etiquette decisions aren’t really up for discussion. Charging people at a wedding is not ok. You are inviting these people to celebrate you. You are hosting this party. You host it in full and that means covering all expenses.
It really sounds like he is trying to impress with the “top self” but it isn’t actually within his financial means. Offer wine, beer and a signature drink and host it completely. People will be perfectly happy with that.

I have attended many weddings and the ones I had the most fun was with an open bar because there’s no disappointment. Some weddings had open bar for 3-4hrs so anytime before or after it was a cash bar. I even remember one of the family members gave $$$ to the bartender and requested another hour to keep it open for all guests because he thought it was tacky. I attended 1 wedding where it was all cash bar and at the time I was a student so couldn’t afford more than 2 drinks. The majority of guests were very disappointed about this, lots of talk about this, and not many people danced and left early, I also left early myself because I started to feel bored and unfortunately with alcohol, it’s needed to loosen people up. I guess it depends what kind of wedding you want guests to feel. For our wedding we’re going to Costco for the alcohol and having a licensed bartender. Anything bottles left over and not opened can be returned

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry but your FH sounds very rude. He was complaining about the alcohol people served at their wedding because they weren’t up to his standards?

Every wedding we've been to has been an open bar. We're having one as well. Our wedding is hosted by us and we want to make sure our guests are well taken care of and entertained. If he's wanting extra money for a honeymoon or something, you can always place a honeymoon fund jar on a table at your wedding. Plenty of people we've known have done this, and guests would throw in whatever amount they wanted.

As a guest, if I was invited to a wedding and I had to pay for alcohol, it would greatly affect what monetary amount I gift them. We'd have to factor in how much we could afford as a couple for their gift, as well as paying for alcohol to drink the entire time. I think it would also affect how late we stayed. If we had to pay $5 for EVERY drink...we wouldn't stay long because between two people, that adds up very quickly. I also don't agree that every drink should be $5 when you'll have guests that won't drink the top shelf liquor, and you can get a beer at any bar for $3...

Charging your guests for their drinks is rude. Either have an open bar or don’t have a bar at all.

View Quoted Comment Lol.. yes ma’am...he can be rude at times! Thanks for responding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for responding! I’ll definitely show him!

View Quoted Comment Ok, so when you say you are offering to pay him whatever he might make from the $5 drink price...you guys probably need to have a real heart to heart about how you are looking at wedding expenses. When it gets to the point that you are offering to pay him for the drinks guests drink, you both should step back and go over your shared vision for the wedding and what’s important both of you, and how you can budget for that. You are going to go bonkers if it gets to “well, I want roses and not carnations so I will pay you back for that, but that means you have to pay me back for the red suspenders because I want you to wear a belt!”