Onsite Child Care?

We considered doing this, but are leaning towards no. We decided that we would only invite children of family members and allow the parents to decide if they want to find child care or be responsible for their child at the wedding. But if they mention they were interested in something like that we would reconsider. Maybe talk to your guests with children and see if that is something they would want.

@Kristin - Thanks for the input. Did you decide no for financial or social reasons?

This option is usually suggested by people who don't have children. The ones who would be ill behaved are usually the same ones who are too young to leave with a strange sitter they have never met before. By the time they are old enough to leave with a stranger (school age or older?), they are old enough to behave and usually do.

What you can do is offer up a space for parents to take their children if they are acting out.

@muriel that makes sense. That's why I wanted to keep it optional. Another big reason I thought of this is my MOH has a young daughter who is also the flower girl, and I don't want my MOH to be worried about keeping an eye on her. She doesn't really have anyone to watch her during the wedding as she is somewhat uncomfortable drinking around her family, so this was an alternative idea we came up with that she loves. Was just kind of curious if others would appreciate it too, or if it would seem weird.

Having four children, we desperately wanted to do this! However, the venue we ultimately decided on does not have a space that would work. As a parent, having this as an option would be very much appreciated.

And not to ruffle feathers, but age is not the only factor in how children behave. There are plenty of factors that can contribute - ADHD, sensory overstimulation, etc. I know a lot of couples choose to omit children from the event, but for those that want to include kids I think it's important to realize that children acting out isn't always what we may think.

I really do think it's a nice gesture (not weird), but I wouldn't leave my child with a stranger. We leave him with family if we go to a wedding. I would ask your friends and family members that have kids how they feel about it and then go from there. I would hate for you to hire someone and then nobody utilizes their services. That's wasted money.

@La Grosera that is a good idea. Thanks for the tip!

I have seen this done at weddings and it worked VERY well. The bride and groom hired event childcare companies and had a dedicated "kid's room" at the reception venue. Kids were fed dinner in the room and after dinner there were movies, activities, crafts, etc. Parents did not have an issue leaving their kids with the babysitters. In fact, I think all kids invited to the wedding went to the kid's room with the exception of a baby. Parents were happy to have adult time at the reception.

I keep hearing on this forum that no parents would leave their kids with "strangers" at a wedding but that isn't true from my experience.

I would consider this a courtesy if you want to invite kids.

I don't know that most parents would leave their child with a stranger. I wouldn't honestly make it one of your "to do list" items.

Weddings present some real challenges for small children; they're long days, boring (to them), and they are not the center of attention. While some parents are very sensible about repositioning them when they are disruptive, not all are and I've done many weddings with a backdrop of children screaming, crying, running around. It's not the kids' fault; we're expecting them to behave like adults, which they don't. Why they're acting out really isn't a factor; the key is that they are and someone else's day is dependent on managing them.

There are many events that aren't kid-friendly; this may be one of them for many families. If you want to invite childen, I'd talk to individual parents and come up with a solution.

Personality I think this is a little weird and it would feel to me as thought the kids aren't welcome, even though it is optional. But my fiance and I are also very family oriented, so are our extended families, and children are a wonderful and joyful part of family that shouldn't be separated. But again that's just me. Also if a parent didn't want to have to worry about a kid why wouldn't they just hire a sitter they knew and trusted and leave the kids with them?

For mine, I'm inviting children but leaving it up to the parents' discretion if they want to bring them or not. Most are bringing them and some who RSVP'd without. I think it is safe to say that parents would be accustomed to have to get their own babysitter if they want an evening out alone, and probably wouldn't expect to have one provided for them.

And quite honestly, I would never leave my child with a stranger I'd never met before, even if I was assured they were reputable - too many crazy things go on nowadays; even in supposed "safe" places like a preschool or daycare.

Thanks so much for the tips, everyone! I will definitely ask what everyone thinks and make sure they know their kids are welcome to participate.

@FutureBrewer- I agree that there are many other factors that affect behavior. Those factors are even more reasons not to leave children with a stranger.

If an older child was dealing with any of the conditions you mentioned, they also might not be comfortable being left with a stranger.

I have left my kids with many sitters over the years, but always when they were younger, I made sure to introduce the sitter gradually, by having the sitter come to my home when I was still there, so the kids could get to know them and feel safe.

You can leave a baby with a trusted person, but once they are even a few months older, I don't know a single friend who would leave their younger than school age child with a sitter they just met.

I've been the babysitter at a wedding like this, and it worked out great! I don't think any of the parents were uncomfortable leaving their kids with us (I worked with a friend). It is definitely important to have enough people to watch the children if you want to do this option. I would say 1 person for every 4 children would be ideal. So if 10 kids, get two people. If you expect 20 kids, 4-5 babysitters. And pay them well.

Personally, I wouldn't be as concerned with a "stranger" if it's at the same location. My child could still come find me or I could check in on them throughout the night.

I guess this falls more to a *know your crowd* type thing.

As parents of a 2 year old, we would never think of bringing her to a wedding, even if invited. In our family/social circle, she actually wouldn't be. We were invited to and attended 5 weddings, within a year of her birth and she wasn't invited to or attended a single one, including her uncle's. Wedding for us are usually formal, $$, and in the evening. To leave the reception at 8:00 PM, to get her home and in bed, would mean we'd miss 3 plated courses, post-supper food, 3 hours of open bar and over 3 hours of dancing. Not a very economical thing to do, to the hosts of the event.

"children are a wonderful and joyful part of family that shouldn't be separated"

I can't even wrap my head around that quote ...

@Melissa I should have been clearer. I'm not trying to stick them in a separate room, if their parents want them nearby. This was mostly just supposed to be a courtesy for those parents who want it. A lot of these guests are from out of town and it might be hard for them to find child care. I really want my family to come, and I'm worried that a lot of cousins won't want to come because of their kids, like if they don't want to try to keep them under control the whole time but also can't leave them home in another state.

For anyone else who might respond, I just want to clarify that I want the kids to participate and am not too worried if a baby cries. But my MOH recently attended a wedding and was really stressed out the whole time because she was trying to watch her daughter at the same time, and not everybody can just easily find a babysitter. I didn't want someone to not come just because of that reason. So I was hoping to make that easier for anyone who might desire it. But I understand now that not all parents are comfortable leaving their kids with a stranger even if it's in the same building.

My venue actually required us to have a babysitter on site for every 5 kids since it was a historic building. The sitters were actually in the same location as the reception but just kept a sober eye out for kids.

I think it's nice to have this option offered, if anything you are going out of your way so your guests don't have to hire a sitter and can let loose a little. Plus you aren't forcing it on anyone.