one of our best man passed away on sunday - and the wedding is March 29th - etiquette?

I definitely would have some kind of dedication in the program and maybe a picture in the chair he would have sat in or something like that.

I think the dedication in the program is enough.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Even being only 34 days past? im afraid it will send people crying and bummed out. 20 of his close friends will be attending. my fiance already warned me the other best man (the 3 were childhood friends) will probably bring him up and i will need a box of kleenex.

I am so sorry for your loss. So sad.

I think adding a photo of him to the memorial table is very sweet. Are you mentioning any other lost loved ones in the program? If so, it would be nice to mention him. If you are not, I think it is a tough call as to whether to do something. I understanding wanting to do it, but also understand not wanting to upset people since it is so recent. I guess this isn't very helpful...

Edited for spelling.

I definitely think having it noted in the program is good, or have your officient say something along the lines of

"Today _______ and ______ have lovingly decided to dedicate a moment to honouring those who's love remains alive in the hearts of those here today, may it be recent or long standing, love remains ever present, just like the commitment these two are making today."

The picture idea is great. If you felt the need to put names in the program, list all of their names, or put roses in each seat that these individuals would have sat in. Some people even put pictures on their chair along with a rose, poem, etc.

ETA: I love Future Mrs. Kasper's idea also, it encompasses everyone, and it's very eloquently written.

During the ceremony, the groomsmen can leave a blank space (where he would have stood). It will be subtle, but noticed.

That is rough. I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's not the same thing, but my FH's father passed away about 8 months ago. I suggested the chair thing with his picture. Everyone in his family told me they didn't want to do that. That it would make it obvious how something so important is missing and would turn the wedding from a happy event to a sad one. I think the dedication in the program is enough. If you don't think so maybe you can do a thank you to the bridal party and mention a special thank you to your GM who could not be here, but is till very much in your hearts. I'm so sorry you two are going through this.

It's a touchy and incredibly sad subject. No matter how you approach it at a wedding, the emotions will be high. I think the chair idea is the best way of keeping it subtle.

I love what Nancy T. said. It would be a powerful gesture.

Also, I think the picture or mention in the program will be great. Hugs to you and your FH!

You leave his spot empty during the ceremony and say something at the start of the ceremony before the wedding process about how his place is held for him

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what you do or don't do, it'll be a sad moment for everyone. I also like Nancy T's idea. I would mention him in the program. It would be a very nice touch and his family would be grateful that you still wanted to make him apart of your day. I went to a wedding last year that had a bridesmaid pass away before the wedding. They lit a candle for her during the ceremony and their favors were towards a foundation started in her name. It was very touching and sad, but heartwarming in the same way.

We were going to do the poem below for our parents. I might add the elton john lyrics for our best man. My fiance is a DJ so it would be fitting to use a song.. I think the empty chair might be to much. We also did corsages for our parents with yellow flowers that will be on the alter and memorial table. I think I'll add one more now for our BM. my fiance will have final decision. thanks everyone!!

In Remembrance of our Parents:

Mrs.

Mr.

Although we cannot see you,

We know that you are here.

We feel the warmth of your smile,

And can sense that you are near.

And we want for you to know,

Your love is still our guide,

Memories carried in our hearts,

You are always at our side.

It’s so sad you will not be here,

On the day we say “I do”,

And so we say our vows today,

In loving memory of you.

In Rememberance of our Best Man:

Mr.

Friends Never Say Goodbye

There isn't much I haven't shared

With you along the road.

And through it all there'd always be

Tomorrow's episode.

Suddenly that isn't true

There's another avenue

Beckoning the great divide.

Ask no questions, take no side

Who's to say who's right or wrong

Whose course is braver run.

Still we are, have always been

Will ever be as one.

Though the mist in my eyes might suggest

Just a little confusion

about what I'll lose.

But if I started over

I know I would choose

The same joy the same sadness

each step of the way

That fought me and taught me

that friends never say,

Never say goodbye.

I would say something along the lines of "to those who can't be with us" and keep it general, rather than specifying people. I love Nancy's idea and the picture in the seat, as well.

@kristenann we did donations in our parents names instead of favors. I'm going to do an additional donation in his name to dana farber where he such caring outstanding treatment. my friend did that at her wedding shortly after my mom passed and i was so touched by it.

I don't really have anything to add except my deepest condolences. Whatever you choose, he will be happy for you both.

I'm so sorry for you and your fiancé's loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be to grieve during what should be a joyful time.

I don't know what religion you practice, but you mentioned the ceremony will be in a church. If you're having a mass and there are any sort of intentions included during, I would have the priest/officiant mention him then. "We pray for our dearly departed, (names), and anyone else in our hearts and minds." "Lord hear our prayer." That kind of thing.

Thanks for your input everyone. We decided to go with just the saying in the wedding progam and lighting an extra candle at the altar for him, it won't be announced but we'll have his corsage there and we'll know it's there. @sunshine jenn - yes a catholic service. We are not doing anything on the memorial table - because that is for just our parents. We are however going to include pictures with him in the slideshow - because we would have anyways and he was such a big part of my fiance's childhood how could we not. this way when people see the pictures they will remember the fun times that they had. thank you for your support, it's going to be a rough weekend but we'll get through it together.

I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't want to include him in the program you can honor him, during your toast. Maybe just a few words about how he will be missed.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I agree, a memorial candle, something in your programs, marking his seat, something like that. You could always make a speech on how you wished he could be there & that sort of thing. Celebrate his life.