Once again, Flagging non-vios is flagging abuse...

@MrsSpenc: Oh, she certainly called us all fatties amongst other things. Trying to defend someone behaving so abhorrently from what you surmised from a few screenshots is generally not the best choice, since you admit that you were not there to witness the conversation.

I guarantee not one poster here "looks down upon" or "thinks they are better than" anyone else. Instead, this community is constantly doing all they can to help people learn how to best manage their budget to host the best affair they can, with what they have. Sometimes people don't want to hear that $3000 is not enough to adequately host 100 people, and they get defensive about it. Others like to insist that they MUST invite all 250 friends/family/neighbor's cows all because they're just "so close!" to everyone, but they simply don't have the funds to do it.

There are basic rules of etiquette that should be followed for a wedding. There are etiquette rules for everyday life as well, but most of us learn those as children. Remember kindergarten and elementary school, when your teacher was always saying to walk on the right side of the hallway? That's etiquette in action. We follow it every. Single. Day.

Weddings have a special code of etiquette, because you ARE hosting what is likely to be the biggest, most formal party of your life. Offering your guests a spot of lettuce in exchange for shelling out close to $1000 just to be there (and let's be clear, that means that for your 100 person wedding, you're looking at GUESTS shelling out a conglomerate $65,000-$100,000 JUST to attend!) is just unspeakably rude. The absolute LEAST you should do is offer them a basic meal and adult beverages, even if it IS just beer and wine.

Yet today we see more and more brides who grow up with a horrible sense of entitlement, that they should have the wedding THEY want because it is THEIR day, and the selfishness that follows. They are teeming with a need for instant gratification, so rather than waiting another year and providing their guests with a wedding they will remember pleasantly for years to come, they proceed with poor etiquette and hosting, and leave guests with a wedding that they will certainly speak of for a lifetime... but not in any positive light.

Defending someone who truly believes that level of hosting and that type of behavior is okay is a huge indicator of character and ignorance of what good etiquette and proper hosting are.

ETA: It took me awhile to weigh in. This fatty was busy dancing her ass off working out. Puns fully intended.

I actually really appreciate that input @MNA. I just want to emphasize that I don't condone poor etiquette and I did not get the impression that she was condoning the bad etiquette. Just simply stating that a salad is better than nothing. But again I do appreciate your outlook. It brought to light a lot of things that I hadn't noticed until you said them.

@MrsSpenc: A lot of the people here (myself included) are very, very blunt, for good reason. We get many brides who have "great" (horrible) ideas, and simply saying, "Your guests might find that rude," will almost certainly be met with, "Oh, no! MY guests won't!" Then solid advice is disregarded.

On the other hand, a blunt response of, "No, a cake and punch wedding at 5:00pm is not acceptable. It is incredibly rude to guests because that is dinnertime and they should be fed a meal, otherwise expect people to leave immediately following the cake cutting," is very blunt, fairly unarguable from an etiquette standpoint, and leaves no room for misinterpretation. Some say that in and of itself is rude, BUT those blunt statements are typically followed by offering the OP options of how they can host their guests appropriately, either with what they have, or how to get what they want, even if it requires a longer wait.

We're really not the cold, heartless bitches we often get made out to be. Some of us did the young and dumb thing, and have made the mistakes, and know EXACTLY how it impacts your relationships with others (ME!). That's valuable knowledge that, if I can help even one bride avoid, I don't care how abrupt I have to get, if she sees how it really could be a major issue in how others view them in the future.

Idk guys. I'm pretty badass so I just might be better than everyone on the Earth (;

I'm just kidding. But seriously stop trying to teach us a lesson on morality and blah blah blah from a couple screenshots. It's not going to work.

Bumping for the flaggers who don't seem to know how to get a clue...

Um., feeding people a meal and giving them a glass of wine isn't a random 'society standard". It's expected behavior if you're going to invite people you theoretically like to celebrate a life event.

And if you can't afford that, than you have too many guests for your budget.

Bumpity bump

"Better than nothing" is not an acceptable wedding theme.

Who knew that so much controversy could be found on a wedding forum? It's like everyone comes here to a) argue about etiquette or b) watch everyone else argue about etiquette.

Honestly, I had no idea that so many people didn't know the basics. I've even learned a few things myself here, but cash bar? No liquor? Who does that in real life? I'd never even heard of that before.

Proper Hosting for probably the biggest party I will throw in my life - should be tantamount. The excuse of "doing the best I can" - doesn't fly because there are always ways to lessen the cost of a wedding. These cost saving ideas, that the amazing women offer here, are real deal suggestions - such as cutting your guest list, doing an earlier ceremony with cake and brunch reception, or going to courthouse and dinner after. All of these are ways to properly host a celebration you give to those who attend your wedding.

And yes, this is a very entertaining forum.

Bumping!

Mna should be a mod!!!

Flying soon-you are bad ass! Love your input!!

Bumping to say you guys are awesome!!

Bumping...you all are awesome

MNA you should DEFINITELY be a mod!!! You are amazing!

Aw thank you Leslie!

Also, bump again.

Because my niece is so damn cute... I had to make her into a meme.... BUMP

Why can't I use bye felicia?

No don't use bye Felicia!!!! Because for those that are actually named it (like me) HATE HEARING IT!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhb!!

@Meghan: It equates to telling someone to leave the forum/stop posting, which is a vio.

Bumping because this is important and it's annoying for people to flag the wrong things aka because they don't like that opinion

Slightly unrelated, but did the debate thread get flagged?