Officiant gift

@Celia flagged for what? Disagreeing with you? You didn't give her any actual advice, you just commented because you don't agree with her. Lighten up, and maybe if you don't have anything constructive to say you shouldn't comment, it's not like Jessica will be any less married in two weeks because she used a friend

I think I'm the case as an officiant, it's best to use someone who knows the couple personally. Honestly if they were to get married in a church or in a temple, more than likely that belong to said religious house and more than likely the officiant of that place would know or get to know them.

With all that said, I would definitely make sure they have proper credentials to back then up.

I would tip $100. There are good nice people still around that don't expect anything in return and who really just want to be apart of someone's journey just to have that experience.

@Celia why would you say that? It's is the bride and grooms day. It's not your right to say other wise. You don't know their situation. Stop being so rude.

I thought I would be fine picking someone I knew to be my officiant and they quit on me. Obviously not ALL friendors suck but some do and because you don't have a contact you are s.o.l. I hope that doesn't happen to you!

Celia, do you need a parka to get through this blizzard? When did it get so cold?!

@courtnie flagging for saying she was being rude. Bc according to the community guidelines you can't name call. Which is bullshit because saying someone is being rude isn't name calling in the way that the rule is obviously referencing. Aka it's the weddingwire equivalent of "hm, I have nothing else to say to win this so I'm gonna flag you! I'll show you!"

Kay it's actually because calling someone rude is attacking the person which is against CG's. However, if they said her comments were rude (which they weren't), then that would not be a violation. You can criticize the idea, but you can't criticize the person, basically.

I think $100 is nice. My bestfriends mom is an officiant and was super excited when I asked her, she is refusing payment as well. We are going to get her a gift certificate to her favorite nail salon for a mani pedi and and one for her favorite restaurant.

Again which is bullshit and arguing semantics. But I see what you mean.

I find it hypocritical that the posters on this forum are so caught up in pointing out what wedding etiquette is rude or tacky vs what's acceptable, but have no problem with the manner in which they speak to other commenters sometimes. I think Celia DOES know what she's talking about and often has good advice. However, to a commenter with one star who obviously hasn't lurked around or heard the speech on friendors- is it really best to give her advice in the form of condescending rhetorical questions? Just because it's online doesn't mean you can throw basic interpersonal manners out the window. ETA: words

Re: Flagging and Community Guidelines

"Stay positive and respectful.... We will not tolerate any posts which are intended to offend or belittle another member, or the community in general. It is acceptable to respectfully critique an idea, not a person."

There was a thread earlier this week where someone thought that their officiant had filed their license and they hadn't, so after years of marriage it turns out the couple wasn't legally married. This is something to worry about when not using a professional. Also, without any kind of contract, if your friend cancels at the last minute, you have no one to perform your ceremony and no legal recourse. Not to mention that a professional officiant would write your entire ceremony script and make it beautiful and make sure that it flows smoothly and prevent things from running too long. These are reasons that it's not a good idea to go with a friend over a pro.

^respectfully*******

No, I don't need to be agreed with at all; not even my own couples agree with me all the time (and their call is always the final call), but calling rude is against CG's. That's why the flag. And yes, she could be not married in two weeks if there is a problem with the license or a problem with the officiant that the school secretary can't navigate. This happens more often than anyone wants to think about and a pro (like me) can usually fix it where a non pro cannot.

As anyone knows who is planning a wedding, it's only 'your day" if you have no guests. Once you have one person, you are entertaining. It's not "your day' any more, though it's a lovely thought.

The ceremony is your ceremony, and you should have complete control over that content, handled by someone competent who isn't just going to cop shit off the internet. Which really doesn't make it more personal does it?

I know that I come off as grumpy about this but it's important and it's legal and it should be great, not just passable. Any one of the pros that bother to come here, (Centerpiece, Nancy come to mind but I know there are more, and apologies to them....) we come here not because we're trolling for business, but because we truly love what we do and want to save you from bad decisions. (And partly we're procrastinating....) Bad decisions that, in many cases, cannot be undone or even discovered by the time of your wedding.

Friendors are always a bad idea. They are an especially bad idea when they don't ply their craft as a living, when they just think it would be fun, or they've done it two times before so they are good at whatever it is they're doing for you.

But I love them. Because when they flake, their couples call me.

^why couldn't you just say all that the first time?

Really, Kellie...

Yes really. She is a pro & that answer sounds much more professional than the first one she gave?

I have no doubts that having a professional has its benefits, and I have no doubts that many people have successfully used a friend as an officiant, you just don't here about them because obviously then the couple would not be using you. These forums are about the best days of our lives and come on people, we're all adults here. As Kellie said, you could have been a lot more professional. And fine, if calling the person rude is against the rules then I will say that I found your comment to be condescending and very aggressive and need not have been said as it added nothing to the conversation. Hope you all have a nice day

"The best days of our lives"? So it's all downhill from here? What a sad, dim view to take on the world.

^oh my god, obviously not what I meant. I just mean it's supposed to be this amazing day and we come here to get positive advice, not to be talked down to just because we are doing things a little differently.

I can't stand the whole "best day of your life" thing. It's so damaging. A wedding is a fun party and a meaningful life transition. But it's not the pinnacle of your life. It's just one nifty experience.