Officiant bailed...

Not if you find a minister that doesn't have a church

I'm sorry; it sucks being human, lol! Very often ministers are bound by the rules of their church, and unfortunately, that means marrying their congregation. Is it fair? Not really. I have a dear friend and colleague who would very much like to marry same sex couples, but cannot due to church rules.

Many independent officiants write religious ceremonies with language that is similar to 'in church' ceremonies. Try www.weddingpastorsusa.com. You might also try your local Unitarian Universalist Church; (www.uua.org). Every UU church is different, and some are more Christian in feeling than others.

Where are you? I may know someone in the area.

Well....if you were the church goer (not saying you aren't)....wouldn't you want to be given priority to the availability of that minister/pastor vs. someone outside who doesn't even know him?

I think you behaved graciously Good luck finding another officiant - you have some time so I'm sure you will find someone who suits you!

Well if it's a minster w/ a church, you're going to have a tough time being that you'll need him on a Sunday.

What time is your ceremony on Sunday? Depending on the church - some may have services that are later in the day. I am Lutheran and my church has a 7:15, 8:00, and 11:00 service on Sunday that is more " traditional" and then they also have a 4 PM service that is shorter and more " contemporary".

Also, I know at my church the priority is given to the members first for a small fee, but they will marry others who are not members for a larger fee if they are available. I personally would be somewhat upset though if I found out that my pastor that I've known most of my life could not marry me because someone outside of the congregation chose the same date.

I'm having the opposite problem. We wanted our minister to marry us but based on some conversations I wouldn't go that route now. We are looking to hire an officiant.

Yeah-- that was super nice of you to not press him to be there.

I think I mentioned in one of your other posts that we were using a "retired" priest, and that he was really flexible re: adapting to the level of religion we wanted. Maybe that is an option that would work for you guys? He works with CITI ministries (it stands for Celibacy is the Issue/Community is the Intent-- I think it was founded by priests who left the RCC b/c they wanted to marry), and they do have some ministers in PA in case you want to give it a look:

http://www.citiministries.org/find-priest

PS-- since CITI is technically a "lay organization", most of the ministers won't have parishes or weekly church service responsibilities, so they should have some more flexibility re: Sunday weddings.

Isn't the reason he is cannot perform the ceremony because he has a commitment to perform mass on that day? I don't think it is fair to be frustrated you can't find a minister to perform a Sunday Wedding…they normally have commitments to their parish on this day. If you want a minister to perform your wedding service, I think you need to compromise on either the day or the time. Or you will need to find a minister who does not actually have a home parish.

I think FH and I are going to have a retired judge from our area marry us. He is so flexible with what we want in a ceremony, and we can have as much or as little religion as we would like to.

Thanks for the support. I just had to vent a moment. I know we're all human but I thought it was a little unprofessional to accept a job without looking at your calendar.

Anyway! It's all good. Moving on. Haha

@ Celia- were in Lancaster Pa.

Try Judith Quash. She is a fabulous, fabulous officiant and a former hospice chaplain. I'm sure she can infuse your ceremony with as much religious language as you'd like. You can find her here.

Don't worry about the ministers or officiants. God himself will find the right person for you guys. Just trust in him.

Jen, honestly......

We actually joined a church, and have been attending on a relatively regular basis. We can't wait to go for Easter next week. I've been missing church since I left NJ 5 years ago. It's been great feeling a part of a parish again.

Karen- that sounds really really great. I haven't gone to church on a steady basis since I was small and went with my mom. Maybe that's the message I'm supposed to be receiving? Something to think about, thanks!!

We started going to our church about 7 months ago, not members yet but headed that way....we were super bummed when main pastor was out of town our wedding weekend 7/6/14 but he led us to their 2nd pastor in the church, who is absolutely amazing. We even say that we have a better connection with him over the main pastor. He has seriously helped and guided us in such an amazing way. Something's happen for a reason- maybe it will lead you to someone even vetted! Good luck!

We are having a cousin marry us and he leads his church every Sunday like most preachers, so we can have him any day but then. You have to think a lot of officiants lead their congregation on a Sunday.