Not Invited to Rehearsal Dinner

@Liz...what is mean about saying that the rehearsal dinner is for the people that are in the wedding? You're not doing the flowers anymore and maybe she cannot afford/venue cannot accommodate all of her aunts and uncles.

ETA: wording

Are you part of the bridal party or the procession? If not, then you wouldn't normally be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

I'm not really sure why you'd be invited necessarily. I wouldn't think about it too much.

Rehearsal dinners are for the people who rehearse. Period.

Looks like OP came here not to ask if she was wrong to be offended not to be invited...but rather to stir the pot on WW.

@Liz, no one here has been mean to you. If honesty is mean, then we are all doomed.

Also, you changed your tune. In the original post you state that your niece decided to have someone else do the flowers. Then in your last post, you state that you are doing the flowers and are "part of the wedding". Which is it?

Now, that being said, the florist is NOT part of the rehearsal process, and therefore the florist is not on the guest list for a rehearsal dinner.

Except you aren't in the wedding...

I didn't change my tune. I was asked to do the flowers. Then unasked. So yes, I was asked. I am part of the wedding as she asked me later to keep the book as I originally posted. Had u read that, you'd know. But u didn't. Most of u guys are having too much fun on your own high horses to care what I wrote or to have common decency to at least be kind in your honest responses. There's a difference between honesty and just being rude. But by all means, do carry on and enjoy yourselves.

I'll say it again...

You're monitoring the guest book. That's not something that gets rehearsed, as it's not something that happens during the actual ceremony.

She didn't need to invite you to the rehearsal dinner because you didn't play an actual part in the ceremony. I also think she probably asked you to do the guest book and things because she felt bad about going with the other florist and wanted to make sure you still felt included. And you definitely shouldn't be hurt that she didn't want you to do her flowers...I don't think she meant to insult your skills, just that she didn't want family as a vendor.

I'm honestly trying to understand, you're hurt because she's using another florist? So automatically that warrants an invite to the dinner where the bridal party rehearses? Do you see how this doesn't make sense? I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and no one here is trying to hurt yours either.

Liz, were all very much trying to understand your logic here. NO ONE is being mean to you. The RD is ONLY for people who play a role in the actual ceremony, i.e. the bride, the groom, their parents and siblings, and their bridal party which consists of only the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Whether you're doing flowers or Manning the guest book it doesn't matter -- neither are required to attend the rehearsal, which means they don't get invited to the RD.

I honestly don't know that anyone can make that more clear to you.

Weddings cost a ton of money. RDs also cost a decent amount of money. Whole families are not invited to the RD because what would the point of the actual wedding be if everyone went to the freaking RD?

Yes, you are playing a role in the wedding. But it is NOT a role that has anything to do with the rehearsal. Your niece doesn't owe you an invite because you're manning her guest book. If you were looking for money, praise, a thank card -- that would all be understandable. But not a RD invite.

Why do you want to go so badly anyway?

Honestly, based on your attitude here and your insistence that you are part of the wedding, I think she's probably trying to avoid you. You're coming across as really possessive of her and her wedding, which would explain why she downsized your role and gave you a task to keep you busy.

This wedding really has nothing to do with you. Just go and dance.

I'm with Caitlin. Why do want to go so badly?

1. The concept of 'friendors' is one that is frowned upon here for a very good reason. That would be you, a friend, stepping in and doing flowers (or anything else) gratis. Your bride may have realized this and made a switch, or maybe she just doesn't want friends to work. Maybe she didn't want to be indebted to you (and judging by your answers on this thread, neither would I...)

2. You obviuously don't get the concept of a RD. Yes, some people invite OOT guests, but that really isn't necessary and just balloons the cost.

3. No one hurt your feelings. If you really bothered to read the answers with an open mind, you're realize that we're trying to make you feel NOT hurt because the couple hasn't done anything hurtful, just normal...

4. no guest book needs to be monitored unless it's very portable and made out of 14 karat gold. She is giving you a 'job' that not only doesn't need to be rehearsed, but doesn't need to exist. And guess what? She's doing it to be nice.

Bottom line? This is not about you. Not everything is. If you want to make it into a giant, insulting experience, go right ahead, but you'll have more fun if you realize (which you should, since you're planning your own wedding) that there are a million decisions to every wedding and they don't all please everyone.

OP - as others have said, the rehearsal dinner is for people who are part of the ceremony. That's it. You are invited to the ceremony and reception, correct? The reception is a thank you to all of the guests, including you. I'd expect a thank you card from them, but not an invite to the rehearsal dinner.

Traditionally rehearsals are for the bridal party only! I've been in all kinds of weddings from serving punch, guest book , to M o h , each one was different only time I was invited to rehearsal dinner was when I was in BP.

Hope this helps! a

No you're not in the wedding. Doing flowers doesn't make you in the wedding, watching a book doesn't make you in the wedding. So no, you don't need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner, no not even if you're "a close family" and not even if she asked then unasked you to do the flowers. That's just not how it goes especially with the average cost of weddings now.

It was rude of your niece to ask you to work for free. BUT NOT to not invite you to the RD.

My aunts are helping with flowers because they volunteer, but I'm not inviting them to the RD but i will give them a thank you gift

@Delfina nailed it.

@#3 of Celia's response. So on point. Please listen to this aspect OP. You should NOT feel hurt over this. There's just no need.