Not Having Fun

Oh dear! thats not good. you should be enjoy the planning process. sometimes it can be stressful but it can be just what you want. What do you mean your having a Cake and punch reception?

I can't afford to serve a meal, so we decided to just serve cake, and maybe a couple other snacks, in our church fellowship hall after the ceremony. It'll be early in the afternoon, so it doesn't interfere with lunch or dinner.

Ive had my days where im like fuck it i dont wanna plan this isnt fun.

Then i take a break (and sometimes a shot or two) and start over.

There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception, so please don't think it will be like a kids' birthday party. There's no way it'll feel that way! You're getting married!! I do relate at times to how you feel. What helps me is that I have to take a break and step away from planning. Work keeps me busy so it helps. But try not to focus on things not going your way. Keep thinking outside the box until you have the day you dream of

How many people are you inviting? What does your budget look like?

Can I just give you a big kudos for realizing what you can realistically do on your budget? I could hug you for that! Maybe we can help you find ways to make your money work for you a little better though!

I am sure that will work out nicely. Is that what you want? Whats your theme

Can I suggest something? If you're truly not having fun, and you're so stressed with your small budget, why not do a small destination wedding with immediate family? A cake and punch reception doesn't sound like guests will have too much fun.. skip the guests and have all he fun for yourself! I've considered it many times but my parents are paying for my wedding and a destination wedding was on the "erins crazy ideas that 100% will not happen" list haha

@mna my parents have offered to help, although that's all they say. They never suggest how much they'll be able to help, and FH and I are trying to pull this off for 50 people with about $3000. Our church is free for our use, it's just all the other stuff. What started this avalanche was when I realized we couldn't afford a tiered cake, which had pretty much been my only demand so far. So now we're skipping bakeries, and looking at have our local grocery store decorate a few 2-layer cakes for us. DEF not what I envisioned.

@Erin, I agree. It doesn't sound like much fun. But it's all we can afford, and because of my mother's health a destination wedding will be out of the question.

I don't have a theme, but my colors are navy, ivory, and silver

Yeah! Or have a small courthouse wedding with your parents only attending (since they'll probably really want to be there) and go on a honeymoon. I am having a medium size (100 invited) wedding for the sake of family. It's mostly all family invited. But I can't afford to do a honeymoon. I know the point of the wedding is for family to gather and celebrate your marriage, but it sure as hell would've been nice if we could go on a vacation too. Maybe just scrap this little reception and take a trip just for you two. Figure it out before you send invites!

eta: I found I can get my cake at Sam's Club! Prices vary, but a 60 person 3 tier cake is about $60-65! I'm doing that plus 2 one tier chocolate fudge cakes. They are only $17 each and will definitely cut 20 generous slices from each. Very delicious and no one will care where it's from.

What is it that is bothering you? Would you prefer a fancier wedding with a sit down meal? Can you push it back and save up more money? Or do you just not want a reception at all?

@Briana I'm sorry, I really didn't mean for that to come across measly, as I'm reading it again it was not the nicest wording. I just meant that you deserve to enjoy the process alone, and especially your wedding day! I'm sorry to hear about your mom! I think @Alice has a good idea.. give yourself a great honeymoon. Even if you have a courthouse wedding, you can get a beautiful dress and flowers, and just not have to worry about your guests or the planning!

@Soon2BeMrsG, I've considered pushing it back to try to save more, but the truth is it probably won't make much difference. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to make it feel like a wedding when it'll be lacking in some of the areas where people typically think about weddings, in the food, music, atmosphere. I just don't want it to suck. :\

Love the color scheme. why don't you push the wedding off a bit longer so you can save a bit more for the wedding you want? i know its not ideal but might help you both save a bit more. Or is it something you want to do right away as you did mention something about your moms health.

We are having a longer engagement just to save .

We're just doing cake and cocktails for ours because meals would have been very much out of our budget and we decided we'd rather be able to invite a larger group of our friends to a more laid-back thing instead of only a handful of people to a more formal thing. I also have moments of "What if this is dumb and people are disappointed in it not being a fully on crazy thing" so I can relate to that and I totally relate to the feeling frustrated with budgeting. I've given myself some time though, and in thinking about the parts that are going to be fun it's all grown on me a bit more as we go along. I guess I don't really have any suggestions, just wanted to say I get those feelings.

What if you approached your parents and asked them to *help with* or *gift* your tiered cake? I am having a hard time deciphering when people (i.e. Close Family...) say "Please don't hesitate to ask for our help." Does that mean you'll put together some favors or pay for a limo (haha!). I haven't taken anyone up on their offers yet but- being your parents...if you feel close enough to them, why not explain that you really envisioned the tiered cake and see if they could help with THAT so you could use your budget for the other stuff? Also...agree with PP, have you tried grocery store bakeries that do tiered cakes? Or Costco? I'm not going with a fancy bakery either.

What about cutting the guest list back to 20-25 guests and getting the cake you want, and just having everyone to dinner at a nice restaurant. Even if you spent $1000 on apparel, floral, decor for the ceremony, etc (are rings in that $3k budget?) you still have $80/pp with a guest count of 25 to go to a nice restaurant with a private room and you can still do traditional first dances and stuff if you want. You also wouldn't need a photographer for as long, and if you did it on a weekday, with such a small guest list of VIPs, they're much more likely to help you find a smaller package to fit your budget.

I'm also not having fun for the most part. There's things I get excited about and then I second guess every choice and decision. I want to get married, have a nice wedding and have a fun day, but the planning I could live without. I sympathize with you. At a recent party I was asked by an acquaintance if I've been enjoying the planning process and I said no. The look on her face and my other friend's was that of shock. People expect you to enjoy it, but all I see is money spent and the stress that surrounds it all.

I do what some of the other people have suggested: take breaks away from planning and when I get a new idea, or something inspires me I pick up where I left off. Baby steps

I think that sounds super fun! I personally just want a party with our friends and family to celebrate marrying my man and it sounds like you have that! I have HATED almost every second of planning our wedding. I got sucked into the wedding snowball and it has turned into something bigger than I wanted and I've made myself nuts these past months. I say rejoice in the feeling of keeping it simple and true to what's important - having your Mom and your loved ones there to celebrate getting married to your SO. In the end I'm disgusted with what we've spent and we were on a 'budget' and I still think it was too much for one day but at least I'm 42 and have had a LOT of time to save. :-) I hope you can manage to have some fun and when you aren't having fun, rant on the forums! ;-D good luck!

There are no shoulds or shouldn'ts! You feel how you feel. I've definitely had days like that. I had a melt down 3 months into planning because I couldn't believe how much work it was and how expensive things were. I wanted to ditch it all and elope. But I have regrouped since then. Some parts are fun, but mostly I don't like it that much. I say it would be way more fun to have someone else plan it and just show up! I say take a break and come back to it. Take a few weeks off. You have time to research things and decide what will work for you! You don't have to spend a lot of money to have something special with close family and friends. Having time to research things will help, so don't make any rash decisions. It will all work out how it's supposed to. It's been a learning experience for me, for sure. Good luck girl.

Thanks, ladies. Cutting the guest list is definitely an option, and I could ask my parents to specifically help with the cake. Y'all have a lot of good ideas for me and I appreciate that I'm not the only one that's had this feeling!