Not Getting Married in a Church

Our families were upset because we didn't have our wedding in a church and because we had a secular justice of the peace as an officiant. We both are not religious; we agreed that we wanted our ceremony to be true to us and having a religious ceremony wasn't. Our JOP did an incredible job writing a personal ceremony that shared our story. After the ceremony several people complimented us on it, including some of those that pushed for a religious ceremony. At the end of the day we did what we wanted and what felt right to us, and the people who love us accepted that.

Definitely understand this dilemma. FH's great-grandmother is a devout Catholic, and I was raised in the Mennonite church. Niether of us really connect with the churches' teachings, although I am more spiritual than FH. We already know having an outdoor wedding not in a church setting will mean his great-grandmother will likely not come, and some of my extended family may not want to come either. This is something that we have just had to get over in order to have the wedding we want. That is what's important to us.

Religion should not be used when it's convenient for someone; if you and your FH are not religious people then you're doing the right thing by not incorporating religion into your wedding.

Don't do it if you don't want to.

We were in a similar boat, but not as much pressure. FH always kind of wanted to get married, but also wanted something outdoors/casual like me. So we're doing our real deal wedding outdoors and then a few weeks later we're going to do a tiny ceremony at the church with our immediate families.

This was a battle that my parents and us had for a very long time. We were originally going to get married last summer, but we had to postpone the wedding because they were so adamant about us getting married in the church. First of all, FH is atheist, and second of all, I am not practicing whatsoever. It didn't make sense for us to get married in a church. They would have rather had us get married in a church we don't particularly believe in than having us be happy with our own wedding. It caused a lot of drama and hurt feelings. We didn't want to end our relationship with my parents over it, so we decided to give them time to get on board with the idea of us not having our wedding in a church. We held our ground, and they eventually caved in. We are now getting married this summer and are having the wedding that WE want.

If you don't want to, don't. Just have a conversation like this: "Look mom, I know you'd like me to get married in a church, but that's not what's going to happen. You're absolutely entitled to be upset about that, and I'm entitled to feel hurt that you won't respect me enough to stop pushing your choices on me. I'm happy to discuss the wedding with you more after things calm down for you emotionally."

I've grown up in a Christian family and I've gone to church my entire life, I'm getting married in a banquet hall and no one is saying anything.. It's what works for me and the style I want for my wedding.

What would they say if you wanted an outside ceremony? It's the same concept.

We're are too not getting married at a church and FH mom is already throwing a fit but honestly do what YOU want! It doesn't matter what they think. I also agree that its worse doing it without having a connection to the church just because someone else wants you too.

Now is the time to put down your foot. Otherwise, they'll be back to tell you that you have to have your babies baptized, have to take them to church and Sunday school, etc. A wedding is a time when you are creating a family of your own, and your parents should not longer have a say.

My brothers and his wife didn't have a church wedding. Her father threaten not to come. Of course he went in the end and enjoyed himself. Have the wedding you want, its you who are getting married, not them.

I'm not getting married in my church (mostly because it's hideous inside) but also because even though FH and I are members, we don't quite agree with the current values our church has. The pastor of that church will be performing our ceremony, so we still have our beliefs incorporated.

I had the same issue for a while. My mom had always envisioned me getting married in a church, but I no longer attend and fh has no connection to any church. My mom had a really hard time accepting this (even though at the time she didn't regularly attend) and would often bring it up. My parents are paying for most of our wedding, so it was hard to stand up to her, but I stood my ground on it. It was definitely hard at times and she would make comments about how God wouldn't be at my wedding, but in the end she came around once I pointed out that she has been married to my dad twice now. First time they were married in a church and the second time they were married in our backyard. She always says the second is the one that's means more to her. Stay strong and stick your ground.

You Should do what you want! It's your big day. I'm not getting married in a church either and some of my family fuss as well. But it's your wedding do it how you want to do it! Good luck!

My mom is disappointed we aren't getting married in a church- but she is very adamant about trying to respect that it's MY wedding.

I don't think FH's mom knows we aren't getting married in a church- I'm trying no to involve her to much because it's too much drama. It's SUPER important to him that we not get married in a church. It's SUPER important to me that we still have a ceremony that respects the sacrament/covenant of marriage.

And I think we'll get that.

This is one of those things where "it's your day" really truly applies- this is one of the few things IMHO- should represent you as a person and as a couple.

My sister was married by a Navy Chaplin in my mother's back yard. It was a religious ceremony but not a Catholic one, which is what my mom and the rest of the family wanted. Most Catholic priests will only do a ceremony in the church.

So where I guess I'm going is do what you want for your ceremony, but as others have said, maybe incorporate some passages or some other spiritual elements.

We actually had this conversation with his family last night. They're really Catholic, especially his grandmother. FH and I aren't religious, so I'm glad we were on the same page about not getting married in a church. Now we just have to tell his grandmother and hope we don't get yelled at too badly. Lol

In the end, we realized it's our day and we should do our wedding in a way that represents us!