Not Getting Married in a Church

You should do what you want to do. You can't let your family dictate your entire life. What's next- they decide when you get pregnant?

I think it would be disingenuous to get married in the church if you don't connect to that church in some way. Personally, I would not be able to do it. I am an atheist, so religion/God wasn't even mentioned in my vows. This is your wedding and it needs to align with YOUR beliefs. Perhaps if there is a biblical reading you like, someone could do that during your ceremony?

I say do what you want to do. I'm not getting married in a church but FH and I both have not been to a mass in a long time. Maybe meet your family half way and have some spiritual aspects in your ceremony outside of the church setting?

I like Brittney's idea! That is really tough though - I know how upsetting parental conflict can be! Perhaps if you pointed out to them that it might be disrespectful to get married in a church devoted to something you don't truly believe in?

It's your wedding. Not theirs. I made it very clear from day 1 - no church! My friend recently got married in a church just to please her in laws. She said it was her biggest regret. She didn't speak up for herself and It turned into someone else's wedding she was attending. She also had to do a bunch of classes to get married at the church. I personally refuse to let anyone take over our day. It's causing some issues with my FMIL but FH is on my side and any decision WE make is the final decision. If someone wants a certain type or wedding then they can go and have one themselves. Maybe that sounds mean but I've gotten to that point where anyone who is pushing for something and not listening to me I have become very firm.

Please do not get married in a church if sacramental marriage is not something that is important to you/you're not sure about where your beliefs are. I think your best would be politely but firmly holding your ground. Would you be open to incorporating some spiritual aspects (readings, blessings maybe?) like previous posters suggested?

No. Don't get married in a church because someone else wants you to or because it's a pretty building.

Incorporate some mentions, possibly a guest reading, but don't send a message that's not yours.

I feel your pain! My father won't walk me down the aisle because of his religious beliefs. Neither of our parents will even attend the wedding. I say, it's your wedding and you can have the venue anywhere you want! They love you, want what is best for you and they will get over it once they see that the world isn't going to end because you wont have YOUR ceremony in a church.

Thanks everyone for your input it's really helping me through this. I had told my family from the beginning that isn't what I want hut they are so set in their ways I think they thought I'd change my mind. I wouldn't mind meeting in the middle but getting them to speak to me or actually hear my sise will be the hard part. I don't want to have the wedding without them their but if it comes to it then so be it.

You can have a civil officiant or perhaps a non-denominational minister.

I'm a civil officiant and have many couples who say they are not religious, but spiritual. We create a ceremony that suits them!

I believe that you should have the wedding that you and your FH want to have! Don't listen to anyone else. If you don't want to have your wedding in a church then you shouldn't have to and your family should respect that. Just remember: it's your big day! You have to do what makes you happy! Good luck!

A good officiant can give your ceremony a spiritual feel without being religious. And I do find that if a guest does a scripture reading, it feels more like their gift to you than something you designed. Paul's letter to the corinthians (depending on the version) is so popluar and so often used, I bet some people don't even realize it's from the Bible...there are versions that don't sound religious at all.

My FH's family is very religious and we are getting married about 30 minutes away since we wanted our ceremony and reception in the same place. His family was so upset so we compromised and asked the Pastor of the church we attend with them to marry us at the ceremony location. This gave everyone a chance to have a little something of what they wanted.

I truly belive God is present everywhere so a church is just a building. Bring God with you to your ceremony and include what is spiritually meaningful to you.

People will always have their opinions, but what matters (when it comes to the ceremony) is your opinion. You likely won't lose family over this and if you do, that is very petty of them. What if you decided not to baptize your children or take them to church? Would they disown you then too? It's best to draw the line now. Your spiritual journey is yours alone, and people who try and dictate it need to but out.

Before one of my beach weddings, two elderly women (wearing hose and shoes on the beach) were grumbling about the wedding not being a church. I just said, "Isn't this God's grandest cathedral?" They were not amused. End of day -- couple was just as married as if it had been inside a church!

I feel you on this one. My mom so wanted me to get married in the Catholic church. The only thing that made it slightly better is that we'll get married by a pastor of a church at our location. My mom has backed off a little bit since we're still getting married by a man of God. They're great about doing exactly what @Celia is saying, make it seem religious but still authentic to us as a couple.

Maybe try searching for a pastor from your family's church? That way they'll still have that connection even if it's not in the actual church?

Stand your ground on this. As long as you and FS agree, no one else's opinion really matters. I'd say having the kind of ceremony you want (including where) has to be THE most important decision, and yet it's rarely given a moment's thought.

FWIW, when I got married, DH had two requests for wedding planning-- no instrumental versions of songs with words and 'no churches'. We are just as married as anyone else, and more so than the couple who got married in a catholic church and divorced 4 months later.

Like others said if u wanted u could have a religious ceremony or at least spiritual if that is something that u wanted. I said no to all of that. My grandmother asked about "the blessing" when it comes time to eat. I was confused and asked her what she was talking about and how I wanted no religious affiliation at all. She told me I might piss some people off. I told her I don't really care if I do or not. If they want to have a blessing they can have their own wedding and have one. They can pray when they receive their food if they want to.

The great things about officiants, is that they can personalize your vows to have a mix of lack of any religion you so choose. Not having your wedding in a church does not mean it's not spiritual. Try bringing that up to family!