Not being asked to be a bridesmaid at my MOH wedding!!

Yes, Miami2NorthernVA! I don't feel that not asking people to be in a bridal party means those people are any less special to the bride and groom. I think it shows them you don't want to stress them out with making them buy attire they didn't plan on or want, and inevitabley spending more money (although it's not "required" to throw showers and parties, it usually happens and costs people lots and lots of money).

People are right. You go into planning expecting nothing from anyone and be grateful when help is offered. Some brides come into planning expecting the BP to help and others think it's an exciting time and their best friends and closest family are going to want to be a part of everything. But it's not the case. No one, not the BP, not your family or friends are obligated to help you. And everyone has their own lives to live and some just plain aren't interested in wedding planning, and it can be disappointing. In your case, you have a couple of factors going. Maybe you did expect too much from your MOH and turned her off wanting to be there for you or maybe she's kept herself at a distance because you were not her choice for a BM and she feels awkward.

I get being sad that she said she'd accompany you and then she didn't show up at all but regarding her BP, maybe she didn't want to put another financial burden on your plate by asking you to be a BM since you're already planning your own wedding. Stop jumping to conclusions and be happy you were invited to her wedding.

Please keep in mind, OP, no one will care about your wedding as much as you do.

It's not her wedding, she's not obligated to do anything, whether she's a bridesmaid, the maid of honor, or a guest.

She's also not obligated to have you in her wedding party just because you asked her to be in yours.

I think you need to remove the wedding from your friendship. There's more to your relationship with her than your wedding. Focus on those aspects to your friendship and keep wedding talk to a minimum; she's your friend, after all.

Yup. Take a deep breath, relax, because you are pushing crazy.

Did you ask her even once about her wedding? or was it a shock/surprise? My best friend asked me to be a BM in her wedding two weeks after mine, the first thing she said was "I hope you can be there, but I know you are planning your own." Maybe with all the stress you have been putting on her for yours, she just didn't want to deal with it for hers. Don't take it personally, and don't get upset. Granted she maybe could have sent a courtesy text out, but she does have her own life to live and you cannot expect her to be at your beck and call. I myself, am a slow texter. I respond to calls better.

So take a deep breath, put yourself in her shoes, and apologize to your friend for any undue stress and unreasonable requests you may have unknowingly/knowingly made.

To me it sounds like you might consider her closer to you then she considers you close to her. Also echoing PP she has no "job" but to show up. And maybe she thinks your expecting to much from her.

On the list of shit to be worried about 3 months before your wedding this should be pretty low on the list. She was probably busy planning her own day instead of helping plan yours. Also you're acting as if she didn't even invite you to the wedding. She had small courthouse wedding and considered you close enough to be a part of that very small crowd. She probably didn't ask you to be bm bc she knew you were busy planning your wedding or she just felt closer to the other 2 women.

@Rachel yes. That was how I explained it to my sister-in-laws and to my close friends. I said we actually decided not to have a wedding party so they could enjoy our wedding and not have to spend a bunch of money or attend wedding related events. Two of my friends thanked me and said they hate being bridesmaids. After we spent a ton of money for my FH to be a groomsman he agreed with me on this and said he would never want to ask anyone to do that for our wedding.

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While BMs aren't responsible for helping with planning, etc., your friend flaked out on you and that sucks. Plus, we're kinda damned if we do, damned if we don't when it comes to including people in stuff- we definitely shouldn't make anyone feel obligated to participate in stuff, but then there's the risk of people feeling left out if they aren't included. Usually bridal party members take at least some interest in at some parts of the planning process, so as long as you weren't not being pushy with her, or if she'd previously expressed interest in taking an active role, I get why you might feel disappointed.

Take a look at how you're approaching these things with her- if you might be asking too much of her, it's time to ease up and lower the expectation. If your approach isn't the problem & it seems like she just isn't interested in being in your wedding, it's also time to ease up- don't invite her to any craft sessions or whatever, just get through it and re-evaluate the friendship later on.

As for her wedding, try not to feel bad about not standing up by her- it sounds like it was pretty small & intimate, and she only had two bridesmaids. It's ok to be disappointed, but her wedding was on a different scale than yours, so that may have been a factor.

Just because she was in your wedding party doesn't mean you're in hers by default. Also, bridesmaids and MOHs don't have obligations other than stand by you during your wedding ceremony.

I don't think you're crazy. I think a lot of people would feel the way you do if they were in your position. Try not to take it personally and I wouldn't say anything to her about it

I actually don't think you're that crazy lol if she accepted being your MOH but won't even answer her phone, I think that's rude and she shouldn't have said yes if she is going to be like that. I personally ask all of my bridesmaids for advice and share ideas with them because they're friends and it's fun. I would be hurt if she was blowing me off. Although there are no responsibilities of MOH to plan or go to

Things, it's still fun to do with your friends.

I would try not to be hurt that she didn't ask you since that kind of stuff isn't quid pro quo, but i might talk to her about how you're disappointed that you couldn't do more things together for your wedding and see if she still wants to be in the wedding.

I'm sorry you're feeling upset- hope this helped!

U guys don't have to be so mean to her with your comments

Just because she is your MOH doesn't meant you would be hers. This sounds like a little possessive behavior bit I get that from my own dealings with stuff like this that my MOH is going through. I get the communication thing would be an issue and that could be a simple hey if you can't make it let me know. Based on your writing here you might be coming off strong possessive and straight foward annoying. Take a breath.

I didn't even know BMs were a thing at courthouse weddings.... but hey learn something new everyday. I wouldn't be upset, congratulate her and move on. My MOH is literally the worst communicator ever. But I love her and she's under no obligation other than showing up on October 14th. Hopefully on time, and with some kind of clothes, lol.

Bridesmaids have their own lives also.

Alexia- who was being mean? The OP asked if she was being crazy or not.

Seriously you guys are so rude. I understand constructive criticism but y'all are straight up saying she's crazy. Most of us are women here and you all know how it feels to be called crazy. If anything you guys need to get a grip and learn to be kind to one another. It'd be nice if we can post on here and not be called out for just needing some advice.

Claire did you read the very last sentence in her post? She asked if she was being crazy.