Not allowed to invite my friends to son’s wedding

View Quoted Comment I just got 40, and have an oldest about 3 years from marrying. And 2 nieces or nephews have married each of the last 5 summers. And about half, in addition to one late family and one small one, have given 8-12 people ( Inc spouses) to their parents, outside of relatives the parents generation. Big weddings, where the couple paid 1/3 and each set of parents paid a third. And the other half of those marrying, gave their parents about 4 individuals, were smaller weddings, and the couple paid everything.
Part of what you are seeing is that when you were younger, 40-50 years ago, parents hosted/ paid for about half of all weddings. and 25-40 years ago some parents paid none, and on avabout a qyarted. And now, the majority cobsidertgemselves the hosts, not their parents. It is not a matter of paying for 3-5 couples. Parents who used to pay 12-40 K now may pay nothing. And control has passed to the hosts. ... In larger family, it works. My parents, hubby's, their brothers and sisters and spouses, over 66 of them came to our wedding. So my parents and his had the people they shared our growing up with, with few friends.. The sharing was with family. But for a small family, without this huge number of family your age, I can see it feels isolating to have only 3 or 4 couples your age.

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The original poster got butt hurt and left, lol, but I totally agree that she should be happy she got invited AT ALL. She sounds like the "Well, I did birth you so........" Ugh. No, you can't badger your son to invite seven people!

Hi there,

I have a question: are this forum also for family members?

And in regards to the wedding guess list, the couple are having their "own wedding", "paying for" so entitled to invite whoever they want there on their special day.

I faced same issue 10 years ago on our wedding day. My mother in-law wanted to have her family over. I didn't know them at all, so it was a NO, they are not invited etiquette.

On our just recently Vow renewal ceremony, she didn't even bother to ask. We did the event, we paid for, we decided who were going to be part of it. PERIOD!!!

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These forums are for anyone who wants to post here.

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Thank you. I was under the impression this was for couples reaching out for advise on preparation for the big day.

I’m limiting my wedding guest list also. The wedding day is supposed to be about the couple. I think it’s overwhelming to have too many people at the wedding. You end up feeling obligated to talk to everyone and not spending time with your new husband or wife. There is also still a pandemic going on. I think it’s very reasonable for the couple to not want to invite extra guests.

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Exactly!!!

Enjoy your special day!!

52 year old here! You are causing misery to yourself and your son/DIL. I assume some of the 75 are family members that you will be/should be spending time with. Frankly as my friends kids are beginning to get married there are very few that I "hope" to be invited to the wedding. I would be willing to bet your friends neither expect nor care if they are invited. In fact they may be relived they don't need to spend the time and money on gifts. Please, drop this topic, plan to enjoy the day with your family. Whenever the topic of the wedding comes up, your only response should be "that sounds great!".

View Quoted Comment Yes Meaghan!

Yes, it’s unreasonable for me

Hey Deb, I completely understand you wanting to have your friends. I am a firm believer that sometimes friends are closer than family. However I also believe you are way overstepping here. I am not going to dabble into all the nuances of why you are being rude or controlling here because I think many other commenters have already said everything.
I would like to add though that how you treat your son and FDIL throughout the wedding planning process sets a tone for the relationship you will have with them as a married a couple. I have known people (myself included) that have had boundaries and trust betrayed with in laws before the marriage began and it unfortunately cause problems in the family dynamic. I hope you do some soul searching on what it is you would like your relationship to look like with your adult son and his wife. I hope you find a way to see your son and his wife as an adult married couple that deserve respect, autonomy, and boundaries for the decisions they will continue to make together about their lives going forward.
Your son is an adult and you are not entitled to have friends at an event he is paying for. Your son is an adult and to offer to pay for your friends to come is insulting, rude, and demeaning to your son. Please think about the tone you are setting for the relationship by putting up this fight. I’m sure you want a good relationship with your son and FDIL.

View Quoted Comment She's probably on another wedding page trying to receive validation for her rude and overly controlling behavior towards her son and future daughter in law.

Since her guilt trip im the victim didn't work on anyone on this form

I would say yes it’s unreasonable. It’s your kids wedding, not your own, thus it is the couples decision. If they want to keep it smaller, that is their decision that you need to respect. Considering they are paying for it also makes it their decision. It’s not about you and your friends. It’s about THEIR treasured friends and family.