Non Traditional wedding

Give flowers to the parents during the ceremony. The officiant can write it in. Gift your mother your bouquet during a toast. Have the DJ announce the parents/walk in right before your grand entrance

Be honest and assure them that your day will be creative and special.

I would maybe let them know ahead of time that you are planning on skipping the spotlight dances. I love the ideas that Willow suggested, especially giving flowers to them during the ceremony!

I wouldn’t make a big deal of it and I wouldn’t bring it up unless/until asked. Then simply tell them you’ve decided to not include those as part of your reception. They’re pretty outdated anyway given modern families don’t really fit that idea. Also the garter toss has definitely been cut out by most modern brides!

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t want to draw attention to it. I would probably just casually share your timeline of events while discussing the wedding with them. Either they will get the hint when those things aren’t included in the timeline, or they will ask about them and you can simply say that you’ve decided not to include those items because you feel they are outdated and do not fit in with your modern wedding vision. As PP noted, spotlight dances and bouquet/garter tosses are being done much less frequently nowadays.

We just gave a thank you gift to our parents during our party, in front of everyone....

"My FH and I are very light hearted and upbeat people. So we will not be having traditional bouquet/ garter toss and the parent dances."

I don't understand the link between these two sentences. Why can't lighthearted and upbeat people have a bouquet/garter throw or parent dances? Is it because your dad having passed away when you were little will bring up too many painful memories, or letdown of expectations? If that is it, I would explain that to your mother and stepmother. Surely they would understand that, and not want you to be feeling down on your wedding day.

Another thing to consider to honor them would be to have them light a unity candle. My mother and MIL did this at my wedding. It only took a couple of minutes, and they liked having a part to play.

I definitely think it is something that should be discussed with your family beforehand so that they aren’t caught off guard and have time to process/get over things. I think the idea of providing a gift or a bouquet is sweet. We aren’t doing the parent dances, garter toss, or bouquet toss because we’ve done all of that already. I’m sure it will catch our guests off guard but, at the end of the day, it’s our day, and we can do whatever we want.