Non-bridesmaids

I would feel the same way! I hope all works out for your wedding. I’ve decided to only have 2 bridesmaids based on what I’ve seen in other people’s weddings. All will work out fine ❤️

View Quoted Comment I had a similar situation where I didn’t extend invitations for anyone to be in the bridal party only to get backlash for not doing so. Damned if you do damned if you don’t lol

I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through all that. You are only sharing a snippet of your life and relationships with us so I am not in the position to assume one thing or another about you or any of the other ladies. But if I could give a small suggestion— it seems everyone involved in your bridal party entered this conversation with different expectations, including yourself. Would you think it would be beneficial to sit with each girl and ask them about their expectations going into this as well as what you expect from them? You still have time to make it work. But again, communication is a two-way street and both parties need to be willing to do it.

I agree with PPs that perhaps your expectations here have set you up for this disappointment you are feeling. Being a part of someone’s bridal party is no doubt quite the commitment, and often it can be more demanding than people anticipate, however, brides need to be mindful that their bridal parties will not put their lives on hold for the wedding, nor will they change their looks, or ensure that they are sitting by their phone/computer at the ready to plunge into planning a wedding that isn’t theirs.

I fully agree that your cousin who is having marital problems should not be dictating to you how to plan your wedding and that this perhaps is how she is channelling her anger/grief/frustration, which obviously needs to be addressed properly (and possibly with professional help sought if she needs) rather than directed at you.

With this said, while you have not gone into too much detail as to the ‘child-like’ requests of the other cousin, or what you are asking your FSIL to do that she is not replying, I do get the impression that your expectations are exponentially high, and your friends not being able to meet those expectations does not automatically make them selfish, self-centred or petty. I personally would be mortified if my friend ‘un-asked’ me to be a bridesmaid purely because I couldn’t attend an appointment and gave 6 weeks’ notice of it. It’s not what you want to hear but in all honesty the way you have described these women is exactly how you are coming across.

I think some of these replies are incredibly rude and you have every right to respond in kind to them.

I agree with the other respectful comments - you have different expectations from your friends and it's fine to do what is best for you. I would try not to burn too many bridges and be open to friendships with them in the future. It's a hard time for everyone right now.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I dealt with a ton of drama with bridesmaids as well and I'm so glad that's over with as it was honestly the most difficult part of the planning process. It sounds like cousin #1 needs to grow up and that it may have been better if she was never going to be a bridesmaid in the first place even if she would have been offended it would have caused you less stress. Cousin #2 sounds like she is going through a very difficult time and like she is unfortunately taking that out on you. I think I would have tried to have a one on one conversation with her and explained that while you understand she is going through a rough patch that it is your wedding and she can't dicated how you plan your wedding and if that's going to be an issue then maybe it would be better for both of you that she not be in the wedding. As for your best friend, I don't necessarily agree with you on this. While I totally get wanting to get everything done so nothing is left until last minute I think I would have seen if she could go another day on her own or with just you if the original date didn't work for her. You still have plenty of time. I wasn't sure if you were just going to look at dresses or if it was for alternations, but if it was for alterations then I would say that those do need to be done closer to the wedding because people's weight can fluctuate. I'm about to have a baby and I would have no idea what size dress to get for a wedding that's so far away so I would end up wasting money on a dress that is either way too big or way too small and/or spending an arm and a leg on alternates if someone wanted me to get a dress now. As for your future sister-in-law, could your fiance reach out to her on your behalf? Maybe she would be more responsive to him. If not that tells me she's not all that interested in being a bridesmaid and she should have never accepted the position.

Don’t feel bad! My MOH has been MIA ever since I asked her to be MOH despite the multiple hints she gave. Just plan your wedding without expecting any help. I stopped relying on her and have planned it all myself. Don’t worry. Do you! It sucks but you can’t let this stress you!!!! I’m sorry! I know how you feel. Some people become bitter , I get it!!

Someone told me a few months ago that during weddings and funerals you find out who is really on your side. I chose not to have a bridal party because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle and added on stress. I would rather focus on having a special day and committing to my future husband in front of close friends and family.


I’m sorry you are going through any of this. Hoping things get better. You are absolutely right about appointments being booked up. The florist and bridal shop both commented they are getting double the amount of bookings compared to 2019.

Sounds like not having bridesmaids was a good decision for everyone.

Wow yes let them go now

It seems like your BMs didn't do anything wrong and you are the problem. Nobody gets out of relationships exactly what they put into them. Thats not what relationships are and that's not what love is. If you have this mindset about your BMs, marriage is going to be a rude awakening

Hello Chawanda!
Okay: I read the replies, some posters think you're a bridezilla (without using the word ... But still). Contrary to them, I agree with you . Yep, this is your wedding , you have a clear vision and a billion things to think,plan,coordinate,schedule etc ...
And that's definitely okay to feel this way,to let them know what you were expecting from them etc ... I also agree that the bridesmaid's lives don't revolve around you but ... when you accepted the role or you begged the bride: either you do your best or you drop the WP .

For example:My sister and my now brother IL asked me to be a groomsman, I initially accepted but he told me,later, that I had to wear suspenders, something I hate. He told me "this is how it is but you can drop the WP if you don't like this requirement ": I dropped the WP, period! It wasn't a big deal.

Nope , you're not self-centered and it sounds like your girls don't care about your planning and the few things theynare supposed to do. They have the right to disagree with your vision, to think your expectations are ridiculously high, they may have schedule conflicts, but yes, in your situation I would kick them out without regret because they're only adding more headaches than needed. You're getting married on march 2022, it's ample time to clear their own schedule, to make arrangements, etc ...

I mean: not responding to your texts/e-mails?: I'm like "What??? Are you kidding me? Why would I need someone like this in my WP?".

Question: it sounds like you asked them.out of obligation/you felt pressured by family/in-laws, particularly about your 2 cousins: Am I right?

I totally understand how you feel. I've been a bridesmaid to a couple of brides being on the verge of a bridezilla. And yes I did what a bridesmaid is expected and more for these ladies. And even went along with some of their demands that were just about crossing the line. Now that it is my turn I thought in the beginning it would be the same way for me. I'm not even close to being a bridezilla cause I learned from the other brides. And honestly it's sad and disappointing when you reality sets in that some people will not come close to doing half of the things you would or have done for them. Instead of getting rid of my bridesmaids I just set my expectations lower for them. But I totally get where you are coming from and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

What state do nub live in and I’m s St I sorry to hear that I have the same problem with my brides maid they don’t want to be on the same page nor keep me updated if there still going to be in the wedding

Sorry you are going thru this! I am going thru something similar! My wedding was postponed from last year to this summer due to COVID. I have 8 bridesmaids and it is *crickets* when I try to text them. My bachelorette party was booked in January for this summer and all the girls were notified by my MOH. One girl still can’t make it. The same girl requested the wrong day for my wedding... telling me I should have sent her something in the mail... I texted it to her bc she still lives with her parents and claims to “never gotten” precious mail I sent her. I am just waiting for my wedding to come and go. If and when it comes time for these girls to marry, I will also be indifferent and give them the same support they gave me... so none LOL

View Quoted Comment I completely agree that you are not PLANNING these things too soon, particularly taking into account the issues with postponed weddings. However, I also agree with the other posters that are trying to remind you that other ppl are simply not as focused on your planning as you are. I have had moments of feeling as frustrated as you when I wanted to discuss all the ideas in my head & solve not-yet-existing problems...but that is what WW is for. ALL these ladies are, maybe not in the same boat, but certainly on the same ocean as you are!!!


Perhaps you can try to figure out areas you can be a little more flexible on? Set a deadline for everything you have to get done and get a read on how involved your BMs WANT to be. You really only need them to try on the dresses. Pick a dress and have them go at there convenience (before the deadline of course) to try it on! Have one or two go-to ppl if you need to talk through your thoughts and ideas. And accept that you are probably going to be doing a lot of this by yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️
But...if these ladies are stressing you out so much now, are you sure you want them with you on your wedding day?

I am sorry that you are feeling this way about people who you thought would be more there for you. I do have to agree with some others when they say that maybe everyone's expectations were different when they were given the roles, which I am hoping to be true vs. them feeling a certain way about you. The role of the bridesmaid is so different to everyone. I am a really early planner like you are, so basically everything for my wedding was done last year minus a few minor things. Some of my bridesmaids aren't that ahead of the times and I have to stay on top of them to make sure they are getting the dresses to try on since we can't do it in person at a store. But this was something I knew I'd have to do when I chose them, so it wasn't unexpected for me. It sounds to me like at least your cousin is going through some things and may not see marriage in the same way anymore, and maybe it is best that she not participate right now. I wouldn't take it personally at this time though, it sounds to me like she is just not in a good place. Hopefully she comes out of it!

For the best friend with the appointment issues, do you know what it is? I only ask because I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding and the day she chose for us to get our dresses was the day one of my stores was having their grand opening and I HAD to be there for it because I was a manager. We decided to make our own special day of it and actually had a blast, just me and her, trying on bridesmaids dresses and picking some things that would look good on everyone. So maybe it's something she really can't change? And maybe you could do another day with her if you do want to have a bridal party?

As for the others, it sounds to me like they liked the thought of being in your wedding, but didn't want to really partake in a lot of the things you expected/hoped they would. In that case, I would also leave them out. People are saying your expectations are too high, and while I think it's totally okay to have high expectations, I realize not everyone else feels that way and may not take it as seriously. If they don't, it's probably best to just have them as a guest.

Sorry all of this is going on, I completely understand where you are coming from. I started with 6 bridesmaids, all who are friends I have known for over 10 years. Two went MIA stopped replying to personal texts just out of no where, not even wedding related just in general. One was my bitter ex bestfriend. Who is unhappy and well misery loves company and I'm not for it.

Had some of them not already purchased their dresses I would have done the same.

I really hope things get better for you and that your wedding is all you ever wished it would be.

I feel for you. Honestly I have found that when I share my issues on here rather than getting support from other brides I receive rude comments instead.

I understand your frustration and I am so so sorry you have so many ladies that are close to you not giving you the support you need and should have. I also have a bridesmaid that is similar to this situation. It is like pulling teeth no matter the situation. I get it completely. It will all fall into place. There is a bigger plan in place, I know it is hard to see that now but it will all work out.

You got this. Keep your head up. You can do it.

Do what you need to do but look at your responses to people. The words Demand and Expect are used way more than they should be.

If you need to have control over everything best to have Demanding and Expecting your vision to be seen by your BM's is setting yourself up for nothing but disappointment. No matter your relationship with your BM's they will never have your vision and don't have as much invested as you.

Chill out a little and maybe have a heart to heart with them to explain yourself and why/what you Demand and Expect of your BM's. I'm a very Type A person and need to have things done MY way but if some says to me MY doesn't work for them I try to change how I communicate and request of them. I know your BM's are friends and family but maybe they don't respond well to Demanding and Expecting
Good luck!