Non-bridesmaids

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If you're keeping score in your relationships, you should reconsider who you call self-centered.

Also, "self-reflection" means self reflection, not "declare the flaws of everyone around you." Sounds like you need to do some real shadow work.

"I expect you to be front and center." Your exact words. Yes, you do expect people to revolve around you.

"I bought shoes, hair accessories, paid for the make-up artists and gifts." That isn't "footing the bill" for them. Those things are all optional. Bridesmaids can wear shoes they already have, and hair accessories, make-up, and gifts are not required. If you want their hair and make-up to be a certain way, then you should be paying for it - that doesn't count as "footing the bill" for them like you're doing something generous to lessen their burden.

You have a loved one on the brink of divorce, and your biggest concern is how she can't be happy for you? You have another loved one with an "issue" and you're mad she won't schedule around a dress fitting? PS: you don't get to decide that this "issue" isn't important.

Honestly, everyone else here has been a lot more gracious about this than I'm going to be. You sound like a spoiled, entitled brat. You're argumentative, demanding, and refuse to accept any opinion that doesn't align with yours. Next time you should go rant on a personal blog instead of coming to an opinion forum.

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@ Eniale

Not keeping score. I am stating facts. I know my flaws and I make every effort to be the best friend/cousin I surround myself with. Things I bought are expected if they agreed/asked/accepted to be in my wedding. Bridesmaids obligation is to the bride. Not open for discussion. I will be all the things you THINK I am and more. You mean ZERO to me. I "rant" when, where, and how I please. Right now, I choose to be PRIVILEGED and ENTITLED.

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Sure Am! My wedding. Everyone had there's and I played my part. It's my turn. Fall in line or step aside.

View Quoted Comment Why post on a forum if you're just going to be nasty to everyone who replies?

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Yes, seriously.

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I think all your BM's dodged a bullet. Hope you find some props that match up to your expectations.

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I am not being nasty for giving my comment back to someone giving me her opinion. I am entitled to give my comment. If it does not align with your thoughts, does not make it nasty. It is your feelings just as it is mine. Is it nasty cause you want me to accept your opinion/comment as golden? Can I not be entitled to my thoughts/feelings/comments? Let me know can I be entitled?

View Quoted Comment You told someone they "mean zero to you". That's nasty to say to someone, stranger or not. I wish you luck with your wedding.

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@Lady...there sure did dodge a bullet. I won't have props, selfish folks, etc. I will have women worthy of attending my wedding.

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Someone who holds no relevance to me is absolutely a non-factor when it comes to importance to me. No luck needed in/with my wedding. I am marrying my man. I have my bridesmaids minus a few.

It sounds like these friendships aren’t meeting your needs. If I’m at the point of calling friends selfish, I know I need to move on. Having expectations that you know won’t be met is asking for disappointment.
As far as your cousin - she probably doesn’t want to admit she’s in such a bad place she can’t meet your expectations. I know during my marriage breakdown I had nothing to give, anyone.

Best of luck to your lucky fiance!

A big bridal party really isn't for everyone. my pre-covid wedding had 6 bridesmaids and they were all driving me nuts so I decided to make it to 2, my best friend and my sister. Everyone else understood and accepted it after a bit realizing I just didn't need the stress of everyone disagreeing. Its your wedding and they will understand eventually of why you made that decision, but stand behind it and don't let them make you feel bad for doing what is best for your sanity during planning.

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. There’s a famous saying that expect envy/strife within proximity. So I’m not surprised by your story. I support your decision not to have a bridal party and tbh it’s one of the reasons I’m also not having a bridal party. There’s something that happens during weddings particularly in a situation like yours where you have an envious, unsupportive, mean bridesmaids. There is absolutely no reason they should be unsupportive. I have been in a wedding where the bride is an absolute bridezilla during her wedding. She dictated what make up, lipstick,nails and how we wore our hair, money- everything. We stood by her regardless . It doesn’t seem like your doing anything beyond planning ahead of time.
My suggestion is don't have a bridal party. You’ll be disappointed and it’ll ruin your day and friendships (if not already). Accept that you do not have the support in the way you need in your big day and move on with grace and love. They will be better as guests vs maids. Instead, consider having a bunch of kids in your wedding! That’s what I’m doing. I chose almost 10 kids under 8years boys and girls from family members to close friends kids. I’ve had a BLAST dressing them up with their mommies! For those who couldn’t make it— less drama and no big deal! Plus the pics with kids will
Be super cute. Just look at the Royal weddings in the UK. They rarely have big bridal parties just a bunch of kids! As far as the actual day, you can invite a couple friends to get ready with you, and some vendors such as the photographer (or close older female familyMember or friends) can make sure your dress looks fine for walking down the aisle etc. Make this day about YOU and your FH period. My FH has very many healthy friendships and as a result he’s having 7 men by him. We have decided half will stand by his side and the other half my side in addition to the kids walking down the aisle. My wedding planning process has been peaceful, less stressful and more meaningful as I’m only dealing with vendors and my FH! Do not let ANYONE steal your joy on the most meaningful day of your life. Hugs .

View Quoted Comment This is such a mature and well articulated response. Thank you. It’s a very healthy way to look at such an unfortunate situation.

I am very sorry to read your post about your Bridesmaids, especially since i just had a surprise bridal shower yesterday. Not to brag, but I chose my bridesmaids based on my relationship with them not because they were available. There is no sister, no sister-in-law, no cousin and no friend with an attitude. I had one friend with an attitude, I quickly booted her and she is not welcome to my wedding. Friendship is all about love and respect!

I have 8 bridesmaids and they are all spread out in different states, they all booked their hotel rooms at the same hotel I will be at the eve of the wedding. I had one of my closest friend be in charge of decision making like choosing the dresses, the hair styles and the group dance. It's like a group of ladies that have known themselves before now, no entitlement and no disrespect.

I must tell you that all I feel for my bridesmaids is only love. I did not have to deal with anyone's attitude, basically because there was no chance for them to put that up and I am not a demanding person.

I wish I can share more, but I feel you really do not need bridesmaids, just have a maid of honor and you will have less stress.

All the best for your upcoming wedding.

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You are amazing! I just learned something new from you.

At the beginning of my engagement, I had ridiculously high expectations for my bridesmaids. Luckily, I am close enough to them for them to stop me in my tracks and say "girlfriend, chill out before you lose your friends". It was brutal but I needed it.

Wedding planning can get so tough and stressful! And it can really get the best of you sometimes, I was so guilty of letting it all overwhelm me and let me turn into someone I'm not. By the sounds of it, you may be in that same place. I'm a firm believer that brides should feel special and loved and celebrated. I absolutely hate to see people downplay a wedding, as if it isn't a huge moment in your life. You deserve to be celebrated and treated special -- it is your day.

But be careful about the way you treat the people in the wake of your engagement, not that you intend to expect too much or be hateful to anyone at all. Sometimes you don't even realize you are doing it. But I think what everyone is saying on here, is that we will be your outside eyes and ears and it seems like you aren't being the best bride/most understanding friend because your vision is clouded by this huge, amazing life event of yours. You do deserve to be celebrated, but I would hate for you to come out at the end with no friends and a burned out husband who has had to hear all of the drama from your friends dropping off while you've been wedding planning. Let it be fun! This is such an exciting and fun time of your life!

I hope you get it all worked out!

Unfortunately from my experience as well wedding bring up a lot of bad in people (completely shocked) it’s your day and things should feel right for you and the people that love you should be happy or be there for you not cause you anymore stress!! I’m minus 1 bridesmaid, my own sister over this and frankly it got so bad she’s not even coming to the wedding and all the additional drama has me on negative terms with my MIL... it should be a happy time for you so frankly if they’re causing you more problems then happiness they don’t need to be a part of it. This is your special day, enjoy it and plan it in whatever way you want.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I decided not to have anyone but siblings in my party because I didn’t want the drama of my friends not getting along with each other, or the judgement or being bratty. Well that ended up blowing up in my face anyways .. my “best friend” was hurt for not being in the party and isn’t coming to the wedding anymore or talking to me. I never extended the invite to be in the bridal party either and said it was only siblings. You can’t please everyone, so on your wedding day you do what makes YOU happy!