No usher for mob

View Quoted Comment True but we mentioned that and was told fine then we will go get a loan , and my hisband and I don’t want that so we just cave. They really do appreciate all we are paying for and are trying to go as cheap as they can, I just want her to have the wedding she has always dreamed of without cutting so many corners that it becomes a mid matched mess

View Quoted Comment A $1700 dress is not as cheap as they can. I’d make them get a loan. It already sounds like a mid matched mess.

I’m just going to let her call the shots that way it’s HER day as she called it.

I think it’s overly sensitive BUT at the same time your paying for everything so if you want help then hire help. She should be more considerate when your paying for everything.

View Quoted Comment I agree! I don't like that at all.

View Quoted Comment I agree. While you don’t need an usher, she should be more concerned with the safety of her grandmother. Very inconsiderate of her and FH. Any VIP for our wedding that we were concerned (grandmother with a far drive, Dad and niece with major health issues) we had accommodations in place (rides for Grandmom, extra seating throughout the halls of the venue so they could sit whenever they needed to). Also disagree that they are doing as cheaply as possible. I considered my dress a splurge at $1200. Why does groom need custom suit for $1500. That’s ridiculous and over the top. My DH tux was $160. I know you what her day to be special but I also think you need to be more aware of the fact that it sounds like you are being taken advantage of.

Well this is pretty sad. We don’t have a bridal party and for months I’ve been working with my mom to identify who would escort her (aisle is too long for dad to turn around). Between uncles/cousins it will be taken care of. You should find someone to wheel grandma and someone else to walk you!! My parents are only paying for their guests, not the whole wedding, and their list is ~50 people, they pay they say. Time to put your foot down! You are entitled to those 6 neighbors, should of let them take the loan.

I don't think that most weddings nowadays have ushers unless they are very formal. I haven't been to one with any, and I've been to some very expensive weddings. I am not having my mother in the ceremony beyond having seats at the front.

But for the guest issue? You're paying, and you only want 6 guests? That is an incredibly reasonable request and I can't believe it's a problem. I would insist on it or tell them to pay for their wedding themselves. If you're hosting, then you get to call at least some of the shots.

As for pushing your mother, if it's something you are not able to do, I would request assistance for that.

I think having ushers is one of those traditional things that is going away, at least with less formal weddings. I wouldn't worry about having an usher (unless you don't think you can push your mother safely) but I would worry about not having any input. That is just rude. My mother is helping us out a little, and we are allowing her to add to our guest list, FH parents are not helping and we are allowing a couple of additions but nixed extended family and their coworkers.

I don't think you need to have traditional ushers to treat the MOB with respect and dignity. You should not have to be struggling pushing a wheelchair at an outdoor wedding. Any male relative or friend, or even the FOB, could push the wheelchair and escort the two of you to your seats. If it's your husband, he can then return to escort your daughter.

I don't think ushers are necessary, but agree that someone should definitely help to push your mom down the aisle, and you should have an escort as well. If you're worried about the grass and cobblestones with your mom's chair in general, do you think it would be easier on her to skip the processional and just be seated before the ceremony begins?

You're being wishy-washy and a complete push over, both with your daughter and in these comments. You need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself, especially when you are footing the bill for all of this. If you're paying for the whole thing, your daughter owes you the consideration of having someone help your mother in her wheelchair get down the aisle. She would owe you this even if you weren't paying, but she should be especially considerate of it since you're funding this wedding.

It sounds like you have been as much of a pushover in raising her as you are about the wedding, and she had learned she can disrespect you and always get whatever she wants. She is calling all the shots and you're footing the whole bill. H and I also decided to keep costs down - so I bought a $100 dress and he wore a suit he already owned. We didn't spend $3k on new attire for the wedding. Your daughter is doing you no favors.

If it's mostly important to you that your daughter have her dream day, just admit that to yourself and let go of the rest. But if you believe she should be following some basic etiquette and niceties (including not putting her mom and grandmother in danger getting down the aisle, and letting the people financing the whole wedding invite a few guests), then start holding your ground. Or let them take out the loan and screw themselves over financially. You have to let her grow up and make her own mistakes, not funded or fixed by you, eventually.

Ask another family member to help with the wheelchair; it wasn't good that your mothers mobility issues weren't taken into account when choosing a venue. As for ushers, I haven't seen those at weddings for years. We didn't have ushers, and didn't have our parents escorted to their seats because my mom said it made her feel like an old lady, and was embarrassing when she had to walk down the aisle at my brothers wedding. So we had everyone go in the room at the same time.

Please tell me that when you say you're paying for everything, that doesn't include the groom's $1500 suit!

View Quoted Comment Nooooooo his parents bought him his suit.

I did the engagement party, we’re doing the wedding, and I’m doing a brunch the day after for gift opening.

Marla, you're being a little too flexible with your daughter and she's not even giving you the respect you deserve IMO. My parents are helping to pay for the wedding, and I've given them say in a lot of things. They do want to make me very happy, but in turn I want them to be happy with how their money is being spent. They're not getting a say in 100% of the wedding, but they are getting a say in what they're paying for.

I don't think you necessarily need ushers.

What we're doing is both sets of parents are walking in together at the beginning of the processional then my dad will double back to walk me in. My grandmother (and my FH grandmother) will already be at their seats. It is absolutely inconsiderate of her to make you push your mother's wheelchair over grass WITH an oxygen tank as you walk down the aisle. I'd ask if another member of the family (maybe an uncle or cousin) or even a groomsmen can help your mother get to her seat before the processional starts.

Yea I think I will do that. I like the idea of maybe having her wheeled in prior to everyone else so she can be comfortable. I pray it’s not super hot for her

My parents graciously paid for our wedding and I can't imagine telling them that they had no say in the wedding planning and could not have 6 of their own friends. I even suggested to my mom that the couples they spend their Friday nights with be invited because I figured they'd want a few friends there. Between close family friends, neighbors, and their Friday night gang, they invited 9 couples.

We didn't have dedicated ushers, but we did make sure everyone had an escort. My mom loved the idea that my brother escort her to her seat, and then since he was a GM, he just walked up the side of the ceremony area to join DH and the rest of the GM so he could walk in with them. We have such an amazing picture of my mom and brother walking together! I would simply ask a close male relative to help you and your mother down the aisle. Your husband could do it, a son if you have other children, a brother if you have any brothers. Tell your daughter you don't think you'll be able to push your mother's wheelchair with that terrain, so ______ will be helping the two of you down the aisle, or ____ will push your mother to her spot and ____ will walk with you. If your husband is doing it, he can just walk up the side back to your daughter. Don't cave on this one. This isn't even about controlling the ceremony, it's about safety and yiu not feeling comfortable pushing your mom on grass and cobblestone without help.

Personally, I like the idea of parents and even grandparents being escorted to their seats after all the other guests are seated and before the WP processes in. It's all about personal preference, though. But your issue here, remember, isn't about preference. It's about getting to your seats comfortably and safely. You don't need her to ask people to be official ushers. You just need a loved one or a GM to help you and your mom get to your seats with that terrain.

Thank you. I will do that😀 yea they have 250 invited, out of that I have 20, my husband maybe 50 and the rest is the grooms side. He had a large family which he can’t control. I was looking forward to having my neighbor cause we just went to her sons, we’ve known them for 20 years and this is my first child getting married and I was excited to share it with them , but that’s just not going to happen. They won’t give in so it is what it is.