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Angela
March 2020

No-shows at wedding

Angela, on August 5, 2020 at 11:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 58
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How did you deal with guests who did not show at your wedding after RSVP-ing? Did you end up brushing it off or just moved on and never speak to the guests? I just need advice to handle this. I was very hurt that there were guests who did not show or did last minute declines (day before). Most of the reasons was the virus. I feel like it puts both parties in awkward situations when we see each other.

58 Comments

Latest activity by Kate, on August 26, 2020 at 1:15 AM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    It was kind of annoying That’s for sure! We ended up not really talking to them again because they didn’t even offer US any kind of explanation. I get life happens ya know but it would have been nice afterwards to have been said anything at all
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Annoying, for sure. Honestly, even now couples should know if this virus is enough of a concern to RSVP “no.”


    We had 4 no shows (50 guests came). Two were spouses of close friends I had to beg to come because they didn’t think they could make it last minute, so I excused the spouses. Two promised to be there and flaked, hubby’s co-workers who will never be forgiven—their excuse was they were too tired/busy.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    If your wedding was held on March 14, that is just about exactly when places were shutting down and stay-at-home orders were being issued around the country. I would cut people slack and forgive them for cancelling last minute on your wedding because of COVID-19. I probably wouldn't have attended a wedding that weekend either.

    • Reply
  • Jana
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    Just brush it off and let it go. Cutting off ties over a no show is unnecessarily harsh.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Dedicated October 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    My wedding is in October and my mom is already getting heated about the possibility of no shows. We are very aware of the virus, and the fact the some of our guest will chose not to come because of it. Our guest should know by now things aren’t improving. My uncle and his entire family may not come and she is already planning on not speaking to them if they don’t. Petty? Yes, but we’ve always made it to all their events even when the rest of the family doesn’t. They also don’t believe the virus is “real”, they just aren’t coming because their granddaughters homecoming dance was suppose to be the same day. The virus hasn’t stopped most of my family from going on vacations or parties.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Dedicated October 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé’s half sister and his adult nieces also won’t be attending our wedding because they are no longer being invited. I have never met his sister and she never shows up to anything we’ve invited her to. After spending 2 weeks trying to get their addresses from them, they up and moved to Texas last month and are ignoring our request for addresses. I’m almost sure they are running away from financial and legal trouble and thats why they won’t give us an address. My fiancé decided he was done with them and would no longer have a relationship with his sister. Weddings seem to show everyone’s true colors.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Jana. We had a few people no show/cancel last minute. Things happen. Sometimes something else comes up, and it is the person's choice whether they share that reason or not. For instance, plenty of people have mental health/physical health concerns they are not very open about. I focused on the people who were at my wedding and the love surrounding us. It's been a year and I honestly don't even remember which people were the no shows at this point. My relationships with my guest list haven't changed much within that time frame.
    • Reply
  • Briana
    Beginner October 2020
    Briana ·
    • Flag
    I told all my guest to rsvp and if they don't they can't get hurt if they never get anything from me. Sounds harsh but it needs to to get the point across
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    While it is annoying, you shouldn't let it ruin your relationship with them. Unfortunately right now with the virus, I think you need to be even more understanding.
    • Reply
  • Jei
    Savvy June 2021
    Jei ·
    • Flag
    Wedding are expensive and so much work goes into them. Don't let something like this ruin your special day. However, I do think it's only decent for guess to notify the bride and groom that they won't be attending. Taking covid into consideration, most guess know how they feel in advance about attending and if you can't, that's fine but say something ahead of time. Other guess more comfortable attending can be invited or other arrangements can be made. Sudden sickness and emergencies, I understand. In the end I agree with Briana, if you don't rsvp you can't attend. It's the considerate thing to do.
    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    It looks like you got married in March? Honestly, for me anything post late January through March, I'd ignore and chalk it up to the virus. My FH traveled to meet me at the end of February and was literally the only person in flight at the time wearing a mask (we'd been watching Covid literally from the moment they announced it on the news in mid-January).

    As someone who hosts many events, I can tell you there is always a group who say they are going to go and back out at the last minute. It's up to you as to whether or not you want to keep that friendship. Were they that close to you before? Were they truly friends or just good acquaintances? My guess it's probably the latter.

    • Reply
  • Mindy
    Super November 2020
    Mindy ·
    • Flag
    That’s a tough one. But I’ve always experienced that for every event I’ve ever had. It’s annoying because you paid for the food and for them to be there and when they rsvp yes and no show, it does make you angry and a little hurt.


    At the end of the day, it isn’t worth being upset over. They aren’t worth the energy.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    It’s disappointing, but I would let it go. It’s certainly not worth ruining a good relationship over. And if you feel it is, then it probably wasn’t a great relationship to begin with.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Master December 2016
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    I don't know guys, I think some of these responses are harsh. If you're getting married during a pandemic, you should be more forgiving of guests canceling last minute due to concerns. It's like the old saying if you're having a destination wedding, you need to understand that some guests won't go. Yes, people know how they feel now about COVID and may RSVP for your October wedding, but A LOT can happen between now and October. You also have to keep in mind that while a person says yes and isn't concerned about COVID now, that could change entirely by next week for a variety of reasons. Case in point, I have a cousin who thought it was ridiculous that the economy shut down. He didn't even believe in masks. I spoke to him on a Friday and we had a heated disagreement about masks because he refused to wear them and thought any business mandating it should be sued. The following Wednesday I got a text from him with a complete change of tune because his wife's sister tested positive and was being admitted to the hospital. If he'd been invited to a wedding, he likely would have RSVP'd yes and then late canceled or no-showed.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    If your date is correct I remember that exact date and everyone where I live was freaking out. My husband’s school was shut down the day before, a lot of people had plans that weekend that got cancelled, and where I live we got put under shelter in place two days later. I would cut people some slack.
    • Reply
  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
    • Flag

    As others have said, your date is right around the time when everything started shutting down due to the virus. I get that it's frustrating to have people not show up, but given the circumstances you should be understanding of people choosing to do the right thing with regards to their health and for the good of public health in general.

    • Reply
  • Chelsea G
    Devoted March 2021
    Chelsea G ·
    • Flag

    With COVID everything is thrown out the window. Everything changes day by day so they may have intended to come when RSVPing but things probably changed since then so they did not feel comfortable attending. I would brush this off and hope they at least warned you they would not attend. If it was any other time then I'd be upset but covid is just so different.

    • Reply
  • Angela
    March 2020
    Angela ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes def! I would have understood if there was an explanation but most didn’t offer any explanation.
    • Reply
  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
    • Flag
    My wedding is in september. we had to cut out guest list 50%. i will personally be extremely offended if there are no shows because we told everyone how limited the list is. they shouldnt rsvp yes and not come if they have a conscience. i know i will not speak to someone ever again if they dont show up. sounds harsh but i woud never do that to anyone and i cant have people like that in my life...
    • Reply
  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    You would never speak to someone again if they choose to put their health and the health of others ahead of a party? Unless your RSVP date is a couple of days before the wedding this is an unreasonable expectation due to how rapidly things can change with the virus.

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