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Savvy July 2021

No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

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Kelli, on January 29, 2020 at 10:25 PM

So I’m getting married in 5 months and my FH and I have no kids of our own and do not want any children at our wedding. Period. We’ve made this very clear from the beginning but are still receiving backlash and I even have close family saying “well you guys just be selfish and I’ll stay at the hotel with them since they’re not welcome”.. implying they’d rather miss my wedding then go 5 hours without their grandson/great niece and nephew. I’ve told my sister that I love my niece and nephew but my niece is too young and wild and she’d have to be chasing her around instead of standing up with me as the MOH and my nephew has at least 5 tantrums/meltdowns a day (especially when the attention is not on him). I am not wavering on the rule and even my FH’s brother won’t respond back to him when he found out he couldn’t bring his 8 children. I get children are precious and adorable to some, but as two people without any children, we just want a peaceful ceremony and a fun-filled evening reception where people can enjoy the open bar and not worry about little ones running rampant or crying or demanding all the attention be on them. Are we as horrible of people as our family is making us out to be?

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179 Comments

Dedicated December 2020
Nikki · on January 30, 2020 at 2:11 PM
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"I'm sorry that you feel this way. While we will miss you at the wedding, I hope you have a great night at the hotel with your kids!"
Try not to bat an eye about it. If they don't want a night without their kids, I see that as their problem. I know that some parents want their kids to enjoy every moment possible, but sometimes parents need a kids-free night as well, and weddings are perfect times to do so! And if they keep pushing it...great, their kid is invited, but it costs $200 per kid (or some crazy number they can't afford). Let them know you've got your guest count finalized, and to add any extra would cost $xx per person. Since you don't want to pay it, they can! If they're the kind of person who would pay an outrageous amount no matter how much it is...it may not work to bring up that offer...
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September 2020
Lisa · on January 30, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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Good for you and stick to your guns on this one. Its YOUR day YOUR way. You and your hub to be should be the only focus from your guests. Those that call you selfish. Simply agree and say "why yes I am".
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Colleen · on January 30, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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Just like how you want others to respect your decision to not have children at your wedding, you should also respect the decision of others who choose not to attend your wedding in general, nonetheless, due to the fact that their children/grandkids cannot attend with them.

Yes, it may hurt that they possibly won't attend but do not get too hung up on it. Focus on you and your big day. It's their loss if they choose not to celebrate one of the biggest moments in your life.
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Devoted May 2021
Eyonna · on January 30, 2020 at 2:29 PM
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You definitely are not being selfish. We're having a kid free wedding and its mostly because my FH comes from a really big immediate family and they ALL have kids! We can't possibly afford to have adults and kids at the wedding. We're paying for it ourselves and yes we want to have a really nice wedding but we also shouldn't be responsible for paying for an entire family of like 6 (4 kids and 2 adults) to come to the wedding. Our venue is per head and that adds up; hubby is already having a hard time trying to cut his side of the list of adults. Family members that don't understand the expense of a wedding are being selfish; like you previously said $200 for a kid and they won't even remember it or eat the food; that's honestly not fair to you and your FH (or whomever is covering the cost of your wedding) to have to foot that bill. Your Wedding = Your Way!
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Expert July 2020
Courtney · on January 30, 2020 at 2:31 PM
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Its your decision ... I think it’s okay if you don’t want children at your wedding but if guests are traveling then it may be hard for them to find a babysitter for a couple of days and that’s just something you’d have to accept if they are unable to come due to not having a babysitter. And why is a reception meal costing $200 per child? That’s too much.. but nonetheless, We’re having kids at our wedding because we want our nieces and nephews to be a part of it. We understand nothing will go “perfect” and are okay with that so you two will have to be okay with people declining because of having to leave their children.
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Dedicated October 2020
Brooke · on January 30, 2020 at 2:37 PM
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Not at all! It is your & your FH's day & should be exactly as you two want it to be. I can't believe your FH's brother is mad he can't bring his EIGHT children along?!? That is insane & ridiculous. Most people I know don't get upset when their children aren't invited as they consider weddings to be a night out for them.
Sorry your families are giving you such a hard time about it. I definitely wouldn't budge on the no kids rule. I hope it ends up working out for you!
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Dedicated August 2020
Morgan · on January 30, 2020 at 3:46 PM
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Nope! My wedding is in 6 months and we are having a no kids wedding. We are limited on seating, and we want the adults to be there to share our special day. Kid's don't really care about going to weddings, they won't even remember it. They can go a few hours without seeing their kids. Stand your ground! I know I am. I am even pre- numbering the reserved seats on their RSVP cards.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Robin · on January 30, 2020 at 3:50 PM
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Not at all... Ours is 10-10-20 and its no kids either. Actually having ring bearer ( My Grandson )
and flower girl picked up after all pics and things are done so that the parents can enjoy themselves. I dont feel its selfish. There are going to be a lot of people drinking it isn't a family PARTY its a wedding.
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Alexandra · on January 30, 2020 at 3:58 PM
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I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request at all but just as you want your friends and family to respect your wishes for not having children there you will need to respect their wishes to not come without their children. Remember that they love you and want to share this special moment with you but these are also their children that are being excluded so it’s probably more from a feeling of hurt and rejection that they are voicing their opposition then true logistical issues. If you are going to stand your ground let people know that you understand their feelings as well and as much as you will miss them being there you won’t be offended. Yes it is your day and you are entitled to your wishes but you can’t expect people to take your feelings into consideration if they feel you aren’t taking theirs into consideration as well. It needs to be a no hard feelings sentiment on both sides of the argument. Good luck and whatever the outcome enjoy your special day.
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Devoted August 2020
Mrs. Lewis · on January 30, 2020 at 4:04 PM
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I’m also doing a no kid rule! I have a 5 year old son and 5 year old god daughter who are in the wedding, those will be the only kids attending. My FH and I are the only ones paying for everything so we don’t want to waste money on kids plates that they will waste anyway. If someone declines bc they can’t bring their kid oh well no hard feelings.
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Devoted August 2020
Mrs. Lewis · on January 30, 2020 at 4:07 PM
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I love your response and I can relate!!! well said!
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Dedicated March 2021
Jami · on January 30, 2020 at 4:22 PM
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My bestfriend has a no kids rule at her wedding and it was smooth granted a lot of family members were upset but who doesn't want a night out with out kids? I am also doing no kids I want a wedding not a birthday party.
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Devoted May 2023
Gloria · on January 30, 2020 at 5:22 PM
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I don’t think that you’re being selfish or unreasonable to want an adult only wedding. We have children and are inviting children to our wedding. I would not attend a wedding where I needed to spend the night without my children and I have never been to a wedding without kids. The only thing that would annoy me is if I went to a wedding where my children were not invited but there were a few other kids there like a ring bearer or flower girl or niece of the bride. It should be all or nothing.
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Savvy November 2020
Dania · on January 30, 2020 at 6:30 PM
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You’re not horrible for wanting no kids at your wedding but neither are the people who won’t be attending because their kids are excluded. It’s a tough situation for my wedding we will be having kids because most of our immediate family has kids and it wouldn’t feel right if they were to not come because the babies weren’t coming. The way I see it, is even if the kids are there, they are not my responsibility and if the parents are chasing them around or doing whatever, I don’t mind because I’ll be enjoying celebrating with my husband. Also, it was within our budget to include kids, so that’s that. It is your day so you’ll do whatever feels right for you.
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Savvy October 2020
Jessica · on January 30, 2020 at 6:30 PM
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No, you have a right to your feelings, views, and desires. As other responses have indicated, if people cannot respect your feelings, views, and wishes for your own wedding, then it is quite selfish of THEM, not you. Because our wedding is so small, it just so happened that we didn't invite anybody with children. If we had, I would have done exactly what you did.
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Beginner March 2021
Brianna · on January 30, 2020 at 6:36 PM
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Definitely your decision overall! I'm getting married in 5 months as well and we have a no kids rule (as we dont have any) and are going through the same thing, but to me is only fair. We want everyone to enjoy and have a good time, not run around chasing kids or worrying somethings going to get messed up. If they choose not to come then that's on them!
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Savvy September 2021
Elizabeth · on January 30, 2020 at 6:46 PM
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First of all - WHO is paying for the wedding? LOL. They absolutely need to chill. It's your day!
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Beginner August 2023
Marissa · on January 30, 2020 at 7:11 PM
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Nothing wrong with that! Stand your ground!! We’re not having any children at our wedding either!
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Savvy June 2020
Jacqueline · on January 30, 2020 at 7:49 PM
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It's your wedding! My daughter and I are both getting married in the next several months. Children will be invited to mine. No children will be invited to her wedding. You're paying for it and it's your choice. Some people may not attend because of this reason. You just need to be ok with that!
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on January 30, 2020 at 7:55 PM
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Umm it's your wedding! I'm a mom and I work with kids. I love children! But if someone said we are not having kids at the wedding. I'm getting a sitter, not the end of the world.
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