Kelli
Beginner July 2020

No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

Kelli, on January 29, 2020 at 10:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 9 158
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So I’m getting married in 5 months and my FH and I have no kids of our own and do not want any children at our wedding. Period. We’ve made this very clear from the beginning but are still receiving backlash and I even have close family saying “well you guys just be selfish and I’ll stay at the hotel with them since they’re not welcome”.. implying they’d rather miss my wedding then go 5 hours without their grandson/great niece and nephew. I’ve told my sister that I love my niece and nephew but my niece is too young and wild and she’d have to be chasing her around instead of standing up with me as the MOH and my nephew has at least 5 tantrums/meltdowns a day (especially when the attention is not on him). I am not wavering on the rule and even my FH’s brother won’t respond back to him when he found out he couldn’t bring his 8 children. I get children are precious and adorable to some, but as two people without any children, we just want a peaceful ceremony and a fun-filled evening reception where people can enjoy the open bar and not worry about little ones running rampant or crying or demanding all the attention be on them. Are we as horrible of people as our family is making us out to be?

158 Comments

  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    Definitely not. It’s your day and if you don’t want kids then people need to respect that. Most weddings are adult functions and don’t have enough to keep kids busy so I think it’s totally fine. With enough notice people can find a babysitter.
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  • Karina
    Dedicated June 2020
    Karina ·
    • Flag
    Nope, your wedding your rules. We decided not to have any kids at our wedding too and I know some people will be mad about it and that’s okay. They can choose not to come, but FH and I won’t be changing our minds. It’s all about you and your husband to be, so do whatever makes you happy on your special day.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    You just enjoy your day and if your friends and family truly love you guys, they'll be there. I'm not allowing children and mostly because we don't want to have to take adults off the list to make room for kids. It's not fair. Kids won't even remember it.
    • Reply
  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
    • Flag

    I have it on my wedding website that due to the nature of our venue we can only have adults at the ceremony and reception ( there's a pond with no fencing and it's a working peach farm soooo). II am expecting push-back from my family (my mother has already started!) but other than my five year old sister, there will be NO CHILDREN allowed at my wedding. I will literally have them turned away if they show up with them. I don't like children, I don't want my wedding turning into Daddy Daycare and having screaming during my vows. Don't like it? Don't come. Less money I have to pay at the reception!

    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Dedicated September 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    I caved in partially about the children thing when I found out my family members would be extremely offended, enough to not come, if they couldn't bring their kids. We are working out an option to have a babysitter in the hotel for the duration of the wedding. We are still figuring this out, but most guests have to travel to my wedding and I want as many family members as possible in attendance, as we are only inviting people who are important to us. It was not worth it to me to offend people I loved and risk them not coming.
    • Reply
  • W
    Devoted September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Stand your ground. People are so entitled. Someone was mad they couldn't bring their 8 kids??? Naaaaah
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    It’s very reasonable to not want children at your wedding. Next time someone tries to basically threaten you by saying they’re going to stay at the hotel to be with the children, just say “I’m sorry to hear that, we’ll miss you at the wedding!” and let that be that. If they’re really going to be petty and not attend then you don’t want them there anyway. Stick to your guns.
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  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    You’re not horrible people. We didn’t have any kids at our wedding and it was a great decision! Its your wedding and you two get to make the rules. If someone doesn’t want to come because they can’t bring their children, oh well. More drinks for everyone else!
    • Reply
  • Kelli
    Beginner July 2020
    Kelli ·
    • Flag
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    I’m the same way! I always tip toe around it but honestly, I’m just not a fan of children. I’m so laid back and want to stay laid back.. but I know the second any get wild, I’m gonna get pissy. And to pay almost $200 per child for something they won’t remember and food they’ll just throw on the floor? No thank you.
    • Reply
  • Kelli
    Beginner July 2020
    Kelli ·
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    Exactly! They won’t remember it and it’d be a waste of $200 for them to just play with their food or not eat it altogether when one of our adult friends would actually enjoy it all. Plus, our Dutch, Hungarian, French, and Swedish friends love to drink and party and would be so off-put or uncomfortable at having to feel restricted. Shoot, I would too. I want my gin and tonics with all my friends
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
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    Yeah, the majority of our friends like to drink, so I just don't think it's appropriate for kids to be there.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Expert March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    No. I'd say your family is being kind of selfish. Even if they were perfectly behaved children, that adds a ton of additional costs that maybe you wanted to spend elsewhere. People shouldn't make tiny threats on your wedding day. It is your special day. If they don't come then they don't come.
    • Reply
  • Jill
    Jill ·
    • Flag

    It's fine to have a child free wedding but you also can't get angry at people for declining if they can't bring their children especially if someone has to travel and leaving them for multiple days isn't doable.

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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Not only are you NOT being selfish, your family is being kind of rude. A wedding is a celebration, not an obligation! If you had a party at your house and didn’t invite your guests children, no one would think twice about it. So why does everyone think you are obligated to invite them to this (much more important and much more expensive!) party?! It makes no sense to me. Stick to your guns, girl! You and FH deserve to have the wedding you want. If someone throws a fit about their children, ask them if they never go out to dinner with their spouse or have date night without their children. They hire a babysitter for those occasions, and they can hire one for this one as well. If they choose not to, then obviously your wedding was less of a priority to them than when they choose to go out with friends, etc and leave their kids home with a sitter. And if that’s the case, then you can give their seat to someone else who really wants to be there.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Beginner October 2020
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you are being selfish at all. We are having an adult only wedding and before deciding this I spoke with some of the people coming who have kids and they thanked me, not only for asking, but for allowing them a night out where they can be adults. They are thinking of it as a date night. You are never going to make everyone happy, so you just have to stay true to what you and your FH want and that's the end of it. If these people are so upset about this and they choose not to come to your wedding over it then that's their decision and they will be missing out.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    Nope honestly I don't think there is any place for children at a wedding. I feel like unless it is a more casual wedding, kids will be bored and will be running all over the place. I am so confused why parents would want to bring their children, I never wanted to bring mine. Even now that they are older they would probably be bored. Stick your ground - they can get a sitter for one day.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you are being selfish at all. This is your wedding and your day. If you want adults only then that's what it should be.

    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    Nah. I don't think you're terrible. I don't like kids. Don't want kids. Can't have kids, but we still invited some kids to the wedding just because it was easier. We chose to only invite the kids that we have met.
    We have a couple that we invited that we specifically only put the couple's name on. It might be rude that we invited other people's kids, and not theirs. But we haven't really met their kids, except in passing. And any other wedding that we've been invited to, they've come after dinner. It's a little absurd that people would expect me to pay for 10 meals for their entire family when they can't all fit at one table, and wait til after the meal to show up.
    • Reply
  • Jenna
    Beginner October 2020
    Jenna ·
    • Flag

    Definitely not horrible! We aren't allowing kids (anyone under 21) either. We have 200 guests without kids and we don't want kids running around. We have to draw the line somewhere! Our excuse is that this is a night for the parents to come out and have a good time! I get it, I don't want people babysitting all night I want people to enjoy the wedding! If they can't find a babysitter within the next 10 months, well, then I guess they aren't coming! It's not like you're making them leave their kids for a week! Hang in there. xo

    • Reply
  • Ellen
    Dedicated August 2020
    Ellen ·
    • Flag
    If a wedding is a formal affair, the venues are not often appropriate for kids. We are doing kid free wedding, and not a single parent has had an issue or called us rude - it’s actually been the opposite, they are excited for a night on the town!


    There are a lot of things that can be considered selfish at a wedding, but it’s a matter of respecting people’s wishes knowing they disagree with yours. We personally felt it very important that every adult guest got a +1, other people choose not to, each couple is different, and we need to respect that....”just sayin.....”.
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