No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

View Quoted Comment I'm here to validate your feelings. You are a grown adult, a mother, and you have autonomy over your own body, time, and money. There is no obligation whatsoever to attend anyone's wedding. It is an invitation, not a summons. You should not feel guilted by your mother to attend a social gathering. You have every right as a human being to not attend an outing with the person who sexually assaulted you. You have ownership over yourself and I support you in making the best decisions for yourself.

Ok, I made an account JUST to reply to this. This is coming from someone whose wedding was hijacked by my wife’s family, they took over everything and made us feel guilty for not helping after they did it all alone without calling or asking, then they gave us the bill. Not to mention her drug addict mother kidnapped our daughter at the reception, so the best day of our lives became the worst instantly. But I’m not here to tell you my wedding story. I just want to hear you out and respond.
So firstly, it is your wedding and you do get a say in how it is set up. No kids at the wedding? That’s your choice and especially if both you and your spouse made it together, people need to respect it.
I would however like to give you some perspective from the guests point of view on this.
If you want people to show up, and they have kids, you just introduced a big hurdle into the plans because now they need to find babysitters and budget for that expense on top of the wedding and the travel. That’s may not seem like much to you, but this is why I made an account to reply. People without kids are always (frustratingly) the first ones to assume they know what it’s like to raise kids, how easy it is to get time to yourself, why can’t you blah blah blah. It’s very tiresome. Which is why parents mostly hang out with parents, we get it.
Every child should be on a schedule, like in our family. When they’re not, they become little tyrants like the kid you mentioned having a tantrums every 5 minutes. It’s not his fault, if there is no schedule. Imagine you go into work every day and everyday it’s a different lunch time, drastically. One day it’s 12, another day it’s 4, another it’s 10 am. You would get pretty irritated right? That’s what it’s like for a kid without a schedule. Having that schedule helps parents plan out events, plan time for themselves when the kids are asleep or away, etc. The tricky part is single people have very very lax schedules. They have freedom to do whatever whenever mostly, so they get annoyed when people like us need to plan ahead. This is why I believe parents and single people just don’t mesh together at this point in life, it’s too much and definitely too much to explain. You just have to go through it. I thought the same as you. Yeah, a day with the kids and then they’ll be fine the next day without me. Nah bro lol they want you all day, every day. They love you. You are their world. So telling not just one, but every parent you invited to the wedding that actually want to see you on your special day, to not bring the kids…man you just screwed up every single one of those families’ schedule. Because now every last one of them has to find a baby sitter, most of those are probably already guests at your wedding if they’re family. Then there’s ok let’s trust our kid with some other person. Nerve wrecking. The whole time you’re at the wedding you’re worried about the safety of your child. And truth be told, you miss them.
So. Doing that to one couple and saying “hey man I love you but your kid is a toddler and it’s really distracting can you please have your mom watch him that day?” Is one thing. Telling everyone in your family “hey no kids allowed, figure it out.” Which I’m not saying that’s what you said lol but the gist of it is like saying “hey, screw you guys and your schedule. It’s my day.” Ok, then enjoy it. Alone. With all your single friends. Because you can’t ask that of someone in that huge of a level. Every person invited with kids can’t bring them? Dude. Like I said, it’s your day. But don’t expect everyone to turn their life upside down for you. That schedule is what keeps the kids balanced, and it’s also keeping the parents balanced.
Now personally, if I got that invitation and saw no kids allowed, me and my wife would just shrug it off and say “well she can go f*** herself” and never speak to you again, because you sound like an entitled child.
But everyone else that took the time to make it, bending their lives which will effect them all month long because there are real consequences to messing with the schedule and calendar down the line, those poor people have to endure you for the rest of the time they know you. And that, to me, is the real punishment. No kids invited is just the easiest way to see “oh, she’s a petulant child and can’t understand the concept of child rearing. Got it.”

View Quoted Comment

This is an old thread from 2020. But, from your post you go into detail how OP should respect families with children and their schedule, but you're not respecting OP's family which they state will forever include zero (0) children in the future. Monitor your own family and OP and other child-free couples will tend to their own.

It’s your wedding but looks like you could find a happy medium. Especially for family traveling out of state .