No-kid policy vs. angry mom?? (rant/help)

Stick to your guns. It's YOUR special day, and anyone who has a problem with it, shouldn't be there, or have their own wedding with their own rules lol. I'm doing a no-kid policy as well because I plan on having an open bar.

We’re not along kids outside of cousins, and they’re all teenagers so it’s not like little kids. I have a one person that I think is going to have an issue with that, but I made the STD very clear that only her and her husband are invited, so we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I’d stick to your guns and say that you and FH have decided that you’d prefer no kids besides those included in the wedding. You can always say that you need to cut them out to fit into budget and space constraints, but you don’t need to. It’s your wedding so politely telling her that your decision is final would hopefully solve this. Allowing kids for us would blow us so over budget so we said no way. I also didn’t want small kids running around. I don’t like kids (with a small exception) so no way are they coming to the wedding. I worked at a youth facility for 4 years and I don’t even want kids of my own after that lol

I had the big blowout with my mom about her extended family, not kids.... but kind of the same principle. My issue is that she said she should be allowed to invite whomever she wants because she's giving us a few thousand dollars toward the wedding. I mean, if she were paying for half or the whole thing..... but her extended guest list would run us not only extra dinner, drinks, and invitations, but ALSO would have put us into a larger venue all together!!! When I started crunching numbers for the guest list we'd created without her extras, she got the picture.

....It's not that I don't want them there, either! I'd gladly have the entire extended family, but I mean that's just about $10,000.00 that we just don't have. *shrug* I've also cut kids under 16 for this reason, other than bridal party.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a kid free wedding, so just keep planning that way.

The one thing I would be concerned about is planning on asking kids 16 and over. Are there any families that have kids both older and younger than 16. If so, it might be a problem for them or offensive to them to have a 17 year old invited, but not a 12 year old.

View Quoted Comment That's a really good point, I didn't think about that at all actually !

I think excluding kids especially from your family is a bad idea. My cousin did that and her brother did not speak to her for years. I have a very tight budget and kids will be at my wedding. Plus we are not inviting everyone and their uncle either.

Stick with your simple answer thats a complete sentence also.. No kids. . we are doing no children except flower girl and ring bearer who will leave after dinner. No need to put on the std. But put it on your reception card. Ours said please join us for an adult only reception at 6pm. And gave location. The other thing that may help is pre fill out rsvp we have reserved ___ number seats in your honor and we filled it in according to who was invited on envelope. Then we put accepts with pleasure or declines with regret. All they had to do was check the response line that applied to them.

I think your mom yapped about the wedding and "invited" people with kids w/out clearing with you and groom. Now she needs to save face by getting an invite out, pronto!!!

Stand up to your mom - you got this!!

No kids means no kids. It will be a totally different vibe with a bunch of kids there. And that is fine if that is the vibe you want! But you don't.....so don't.

My flower girls and ring bearers will be attending ceremony and reception because they're a part of the wedding party plus sisters..but you all have given me a good idea of what needs to be said/done. I appreciate every one of y'alls input!!!

I wouldn't continue to let this be up for discussion. You don't need to have an explanation. You can state we've already made a decision and then move on to talking about something else. It comes down to she needs to respect your decision for your wedding and her getting upset and angry is a bit much.

I promise I'm doing the same thing on my wedding day. I was going to do no kids period but I wanted my kids to be in it because they are apart of me . So me & my husband decided to do the kids in the ceremony & right after they leave with a close friend after we get done with the family pictures. No kids policy at the reception!!

View Quoted Comment I was kinda thinking the same thing too...honestly the younger cousins don't even know me that well and I think they can survive not going!

Stick to your guns - NO kids means no kids. The only kids invited to my wedding are my nephews, I even have some friends and cousins not coming because I was upfront from the beginning that we would not accommodate children, so they chose not to come because traveling to an oot wedding without their kids there wasn't something they were willing to do - and that's fine. Children of immediate family is fine, children in the bridal party is fine. Hpwever, if they're in the wedding, they need to be invited to the reception too.
Also, it's not okay to invite some kids but not others based on age limits like 13 or even 16, so if one sibling is 12 and the is 17, that puts that family in a tough spot. If you're doing an age limit, 18 and 21 are more appropriate because at that point they're legal adults and could technically be living on their own and no longer someone's "child".

Moms really know how to lay on the guilt. You just have to be firm. You tell her that a decision has been made, and you're going to stick to it, and if Aunt Kathy is upset that little Johnny can't come to the wedding, she can be upset and the world won't end.

Stick to your guns! We are having a kid free wedding as well. Which also caused a few negative responses. In which I said ITS MY DAY NOT YOURS. You and your FH get to make all decisions. No one else. So stick to what you want, don't be talked into things. Someone else's feelings don't get to dictate what you want. Period. So do what you want!

We are only inviting some kids, mostly his cousin's kids and those that we are closer to. My family is so large that inviting all children would balloon our guest list to close to 160 people which we just can't afford. I've already told my mother to send anyone to me if they have a problem with it and I will handle it.

My parents are actually the opposite in that they would rather no children be invited but we've put our foot down on it.

It's perfectly fine to not have kids there. Just put an end to the discussion and stop talking about it. However, I wouldn't push the "date night" thing. FH and I don't get many date nights and it's not fun to waste a night with a babysitter on an obligation. We like to be able to pick what we do on date nights. We also really enjoy spending time with our son. We take him a lot of places and do lots of things with him. I don't usually take him to weddings, even if he is invited because they are boring for kids, and quite honestly a lot of times for adults too.

I'd explain it to your mom one more time and tell her the decision has been made and you won't be discussing it further.

Trust your gut here. I'm a parent and not offended, at all. In fact, we could use a night off. lol. We have a 2 year old and he will be 1 of 7 kids - the other 6 are nieces and nephews all under 5 and unfortunately our normal babysitters (the grands) will be in attendance. I have already discussed this with our friends and other family members who have children. Perhaps, you can mention it to those family members who may be offended. Ultimately, it's up to them to decide if they still want to attend - if not you still get to marry the love of your life.

You and your FH should stand strong together. You have to accept that not everyone will like or understand what you are doing, but it is NOT their wedding. I am sure other people in your family have made choices that affected you and your family in the past and you had to deal. It seems that no matter what you do, people always have something to say...so why not do what you both want.

Maybe you could come to a compromise with mom, if you are comfortable to invite kids 15 and over or 16 like you mentioned. I just had a similar talk with my FH and he actually has no issue with the kids, tweens attending...but it is not what I prefer. We finally decided that we are having our nieces, nephews and his goddaughter and no other children. I am sure that we will get some flack. Our excuse is keeping the wedding small. Its sad that we need to have excuses and that there are people that would question our wishes, but such is life.

Hopefully your mom will come around and understand that you don't want to regret asking the youngsters just to make other people happy and then you and your FH end up unhappy the day of your wedding. Maybe you can ask your mom to recall if her parents forced her into doing something she didnt really want to do on her wedding day...maybe it will resonate with her.