No-kid policy vs. angry mom?? (rant/help)

Honestly, stick to your guns. We are having a child-free wedding and while we haven't gotten any crap about it yet, I'm sure we will. It's perfectly acceptable not to have kids besides immediate family and the wedding party (ring bearers). I personally wouldn't engage in the drama. If someone throws a fit you can say "I'm sorry you're upset, but we've already made our decision" and if someone threatens not to come I would say "we'll miss seeing you" and leave it at that. Any engaging in an argument just gives people incentive to problem-solve. Avoid making up excuses and keep your response simple and non-confrontational. "No" is a complete sentence.

Honestly, a kid doesn't care about the ceremony. It is boring to them. They have fun at receptions because it is a party vibe. Stand your ground. Tell them this is what it is, and then don't talk about it again.

Is she paying or are you a d FH paying? Not to sound rude but if she's not paying she needs to respect your wishes. If she is you might have to compromise.

It’s perfectly acceptable to have only children who are in the wedding party. 13 and 16 are confusing, artibrary ages for a cut off.

There's really nothing wrong with a kid-free wedding. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about it.

Is your mother paying for a portion of the wedding? I could see that being why she thinks her opinion should have more say.

But if not you really just need to say 'we aren't discussing this anymore. The answer is no.' And if she brings it up again just repeat that you aren't discussing it anymore. Easier said then done I know.

I agree with the other ladies. Stick to your guns. It is your day. I'm a mom that wouldn't want to have my kids at a wedding with me. I'd rather enjoy myself. If someone said it was kid free, it would give me a reason to treat myself to a date night. I often feel guilt for having a kid free night. But this would be a guilt free treat to me. Also, as a mom, I'm also having a kid free wedding. Aside from my own children. More power to you!

You and your spouse's day=your decision, not everyone else's

Part of adulting is standing up to your parents, and for women particularly, their mother.

There is nothing wrong with having a child free wedding. You aren't having one. You are having the only children at the reception be the wedding party children.

Because they are in the wedding party, they must be invited to the reception. Their parents will be the ones to decide how long they stay.

Just please back off using the concept of " people having a date night and kid/stress-free" Many parents would take offense at someone else suggesting how they should view or spend their time.

You are never going to make everyone happy, so it's so much easier to drop that idea early. If anyone says anything about the kids being at the reception, tell them they are in the wedding party and it would be the height of rudeness not to include them. Don't get into any other discussion on the subject.

If your mom is paying then you need to compromise with her or do what she is asking. If she is not contributing at all then stop having discussions about it and just tell her, no that is not what we will be doing. "No". You don't have to explain.

When we asked parents for lists of people they would want invited (making it very clear that we would not be committing to inviting all of those people) the only one that was an issue was my mom. She gave all of my teenaged cousin's plus one's (so they could bring a friend) and included ALL of her cousins AND their kids AND their kids. I immediately told her that was not going to happen. She was not happy and did not understand. I did end up reminding her that our wedding was over $100 per person and that her list included about 25 people I did not expect to include. She got it more then. She was still not thrilled with some of the choices we made, BUT since we were paying for our wedding I was allowed to make those choices. (none of them were against etiquette, she just wanted everyone and their dog to be able to come)

It's your wedding. I've been to a lot of weddings where kids are running around and underage teens try to get drinks.

Unless it's immediate family, I don't think kids need to be at a wedding. We also chose the no-kids policy, but my fiance's niece (4) will be there of course. I also invited a few my students who are between the ages of 10-16. It doesn't matter to me if other guests question it, it's our choice.

For me, the no kids truly meant children under 10, especially belonging to parents who don't bother to watch them. You don't want your wedding videos to have kids crying or running in the background.

Tell your mom that your immediate family children need to be there, but you prefer all other adults to have a night free to enjoy your wedding. That's it.

Stick to your guns. You are getting married, you shouldn’t be bossed around by your parents. If you don’t want kids at the wedding then don’t allow them to be there.

If you and FH are paying for the wedding, then say to your mom “We’ve made a decision to have an adult only wedding. We are not changing our minds and it is no longer up for discussion,”

If your mother is paying, well that’s another story.

I do want to address a few things in your post, not only for you but for others asking the same question. First, it’s not up to you (“you” being any bride or groom) to decide that parents want a night off from their kids. Some do, some don’t. If they do and are invited with children, they’ll leave the kids home. It’s wrong to insinuate that children under 16 don’t know how to behave responsibly and would throw a fit. I’ve seen many young children behave way better than adults. If you’re having an adult wedding it should over 21.

So my mom paid for my photographer and a bit of deposit for the venue, but FH's parents are covering 90% just about. His family is older so the only kids are the ring bearers, so there's no argument on his side. I'm trying to make my mom feel like she isn't being ignored, but she's the kind of person that only hears what she wants to hear. I mean I don't think I'm going to cave, I'm just trying to keep a positive relationship with my mom and the family. She has 7 sisters and they are all...um..well they'll let you know how they feel and they're basically "never wrong". I haven't sent out save the dates yet so who knows what response I'll get from them. I will try to be strong but I am a people pleaser so I'm struggling. Thank you all for the advice and courage! Lol I'm gonna need it

No is a complete sentence. You got this.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I probably didn't choose the best words for that, so I'm sorry! I understand it's wrong to make assumptions, just venting at my work desk so kinda rushed my thoughts. And I don't have kids so I don't have any right to say what's best for parents, only meant that I want them to have a fun night even though their kids won't be joining them! No harm meant

I am over this....first of all...if you do not want kids...then don't. People should not dictate YOUR wedding by their kids. They are not your children and you do not owe someone'd kid an invitation. I am so sick of parents thinking because THEY have a child, the rest of the world has to revolve around their child. NO, it doesn't. If you would like an adult affair for your event...then great, that is what you should have. If some people are offended because you do not want to invite their children...then they can go plan a party for their kid! From my experience, most children are bored to death and many adults are not comfortable being adults and having a good time in front of little kids staring at them or running under their feet. Most of the parents that would be offended are the same parents that think their kids running wild at your wedding are "cute"!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! I haven't been to many weddings so I wasnt sure what the general consensus was. But I can say my friend brought her 9 year old to our game night and it definitely put a damper on the evening... That's close enough, right?? Lol!

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If this is the case then stick with what you have been saying. No kids, if it were opposite then that would be another thing.

View Quoted Comment Perfectly said!!

I went through this with my mother. Honestly she struggled to see the bigger picture. It just did not occur to her that at 35 most of my friends have kids, multiples. So not only did we not have the space, if we invited kids it could have taken up too much of the guest list giving a totally different vibe.

I just told her I don't like kids, I don't want them there and the day is about me. So if someone doesn't want to attend with out their kids that's perfectly fine. We had one big argument about it and I refused to discuss it further.