No gift from my parents... Not sure what to think

Whats wrong with your MIL? your post said she was at your apt going thru your wedding cards? why would she be going thru your wedding cards?

If its really bothering you a lot then say something to your parents --- i wouldnt make it look like i was looking for money - but maybe just say "hey i just wanted to ask if you had left a card for us as it seems we dont have one - hoping nothing got lost"....

my friend had a wedding where someone took someone's card they never got it but the person did leave one

@FutureMrsMC - well I assumed MIL was reading the cards to see the nice messages people left (which I thought was OK at the time - the cards were out on display anyway)... it looks like she had other motives though, or else she wouldn't have noticed who had sent a card and who hadn't.

Sigh... generally she's a lovely lady, but she does have a few odd (rather nosey) habits.

Your MIL is really out of line. Hopefully, your DH can nip it if she keeps bringing it up. I understand that you feel disappointed/sad that they didn't at least get you a card. I would be, too! FutureMrsMC had a good idea about checking to see if their card was misplaced. But, if they're going through financial troubles, that's also their business.

I'm in the same boat...my MIL gave us $2000 already. She said she know we need the money now not later. But my mom as repeatedly told my sister that's she's not giving me anything...her showing up is my gift...I'm not hurt but I'm PISSED....because I'm the one in the family that when every someone need a dollar the call me. Just last week she called me to "borrow" 300 dollars. the nerve of her....I was like Ugggggg you know I'm paying for a wedding??????

Did your parents contribute any money towards the wedding?

My parents are paying for the alcohol at the wedding and are giving us a honeymoon as their present. I really do not want them to do anything beyond this -- this is more than enough. Did your parents contribute anything like costs toward a rehearsal dinner or something? If so, a gift isn't necessary.

Erin I'm starting to believe" rude" is your favorite word. Geez. I would speak to my mom and just be honest about everything. I would respectfully tell my MIL please don't bring it up any further, even if you have to lie about the money.

That's a bit strange, unless they helped pay for the wedding.

Both sets of our parents are helping with the costs, so we don't expect any gifts from them at all.

Thanks for linking your back and married post Such lovely pictures!

If you do bring it up with your parents, maybe you can consider to do it when your husband isn't around? If they are having money problems (which I hope they aren't), then they may be a little more willing to open up with just you.

Nel, after reading your replies, I really think you should do two things. First, speak to your mom and ask her was it an oversight that you did not give a gift? I hate to say this but people steal and it could have been taken. Just be sure. Second, I would kindly speak to your MIL and nip that chick in the bud right now before she becomes a threat in your marriage. She is in too deep and a seems like she likes to stir up the pot.

Consider this a lesson learned. Keep your business between you and your husband. If your husband tells her without you knowing than I feel you have every right to tell her to zip it and that it's between you and your parents.

Now, for the gift or lack there of. Yes, I agree that would bother me big time! I had an Aunt come to the wedding and didn't bring a gift. It's mind boggling. I would never dream of showing up empty handed.

Maybe a surprise it coming??? I'm sorry you feel this way : (

Hey thanks for the comments everyone - I really appreciate your thoughts/suggestions. I probably will speak to my mum about it when I feel the time is right... hopefully it goes well (i.e. I don't offend her!)

@D.Lo - yeah I guess it is a lesson learned - we need to be more careful what we say around MIL. We're fairly open and honest with each other so it's hard breaking that habit when other people are around, but MIL does tend to be gossipy and not always open minded.

Thank you so much for posting this! I imagine you've resolved all of this now (a year later), but just wanted to say that my parents did the same thing. They traveled for the wedding, so I think they think that was a gift, but I'm still upset. I WANTED my in-laws to know, though, and I WANT them to be outraged because I think it will help them understand as I continue to phase my parents out of my life.

I didn't want to invite my parents as I thought they would cause a scene (lesbian wedding, homophobic parents), but they REALLY wanted to come - or so they said. So against my better judgement, I extended the olive branch.

They were an hour late, insisted that my sister go to their hotel to help them call a cab (and she agreed cause that's the family dynamic). My sister had the first reading, so we couldn't start without her. So I have 100 people sitting in the sun, watching a rain storm approach wondering where the hell my parents are. When they arrived, they did not apologize. Rather, my father asked me to walk him down the aisle was trying to tell me how he wore purple socks just for me (still not sure why purple).

They pouted through the first half of the reception then cleared the floor to show off their dance moves (WEIRD).

Apparently my sister bought them a card to give to me and they didn't give it. I wonder why they came but can't even bring myself to call them. This does, though, for the rest of my life give me a moment to point to that was tangible. Something I will never question if it happened or not and neither my father nor my mother will be able to change by believing otherwise - I have 100 witnesses who experienced my reality with me. If I confront them, they will try to pretend it never happened - that they were on time, that they gave a gift... this is how it goes with them. They will say that the card must've been stolen. But I have witnesses - it feels so validating and I want everyone to know.

Why does your MIL even know? I dont really think sharing what you got for gifts is something you should do. Also did your parents help pay for the wedding in anyway?

Nel, how did things turn out? I'm really struggling emotionally as my mom just did this to me too. It's been a week since the wedding and she didn't help pay for anything. She bought herself hair and makeup and a hotel room for the night even though I offered to have her stay at the family cabin with us where the wedding was held. It wasn't a destination wedding - just 2 hours from home and we come up here all the time. My mom, sister, and uncle were the only ones who came from my immediate family (my dad passed away 20 yrs ago and I have no other siblings). I gave my sister a $50 gift certificate and we gave her $200 worth of booze that was left over from the reception to say thanks for helping out as my informal "maid of honor". She helped decorate and make sure food was restocked - it was a huge job. My uncle officiated the wedding and we didn't pay him. No card and no gift from any of them. I'm so sad and hurt right now. My mom is doing fine financially, and has always given nice gifts at Christmas, graduations, etc. She did gift me ~$24000 toward purchasing and renovating cabin last year, which was beyond generous, but she said she gave it to me because she wanted to be fair - she helped my sister pay for her house and she wanted to give me the same amount (I didn't know she gave my sister so much money all those years ago, but I've always been frugal and didn't need her help until I bought the cabin). I don't know if she got anything for my sister when she got married, but I don't want to ask my sister because my sister didn't get me anything either. I'm 45, it's my first marriage, and my new husband makes six figures, but we are strapped with buying and remodeling the cabin and paying for the whole wedding and honeymoon. We spent probably $8000 on the wedding alone. My sister and uncle aren't so well off financially, but at least a card would have been nice. How did you approach your mom and what was her reaction? I feel like this will impact my relationship with my family in a huge way but I don't know what to say without sounding greedy or unappreciative of my mom's help last year. My mom is normally a very sweet and thoughtful person, so I just don't get it.

So, I’m on here because I’m discontent with the fact that my brother’s family of 5 that were invited to my wedding didn’t give me a gift either and wanted to see if someone has something to say about that. I would tell your mom you are upset that she didn’t get you a card for your wedding! That insinuates gift as well. You have nothing to lose. I’m sorry this hurts you, but it isn’t right. Even her doing something for her son isn’t traditional, her daughter is the important wedding. People warned me that people’s dark side comes out at your weddings and your going to feel it, it’s your chance to bring it to the light and let it be known that this is your family you started with your head held high, not a extension of their family. I’m sure people are going to disagree but this is my truth. Also, do not tell your in-laws anything about your family, it is only going to hurt you. So I paid for my brother’s wife’s bridal shower at 16 years old. My parents paid for his wedding and has since past away! We paid for their families dinner at our wedding, no card, no blessing in cards put on each table as an alternative to a guest book, no gift! All of that represent good wishes to the bride and groom. I smell jealousy. Not to mention I gift their children finer things then I even own myself! That’s ending too. They made my wedding photographer take family pictures without us the day of my wedding also. So innapropriate. She told me she would pay me if I develop the pictures, so not the point. Anyway my other sister in-law is creating the thank you cards for me and sending out pictures of everyone with it as a extra gift. If they ask me for the pictures I’m going to let them know they were sent out with the thank you cards by my nice sister in law. I don’t care, I will go above and beyond for people and now it’s to the point that I have hurt myself! Not a muscle will I move for people that have I’ll will towards me! Sorry for the rant. I do hope it helps!

If your parents don’t have the money, that’s another story, but a card?! I would definitely bring it up!