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Jamie
Dedicated September 2021

Newly Engaged

Jamie, on January 3, 2020 at 12:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 7
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I got engaged on Christmas day to my handsome fiancé. My Fiancé’s sister-in-law and I have become really close the last couple of years. We always talk about our problems, stressors, worries and excitements between each other. But, I notice she has become kinda bitter about me getting engaged before her. I never thought she would ever get like that. She told me that she doesn’t envi me and that she is truly happy for me, but she was just upset I got engaged first. That she gave him 2 kids and a house. That she told her man her proposal better be bigger. She then said that his family wants them to get engaged and always ask when he is going to proposal. Then she asked me if any of my Fiancé’s family called me to congratulate me. Of course I said no but they did text him. She then asked him why he hasn’t proposed to her. And he told her that Christmas day was the day he was suppose to propose but didn’t because Fiancé did it first. I obviously felt a little uncomfortable, especially thinking she would be really happy for me. But I understand her frustration because I was also in the same place as her. I been ignoring her class these last few days because I want to enjoy my engagement and enjoy this moment. Do you guys feel like Im overreacting? Its obviously bothering me. But do you think I should approach her about this? What should I say to her? Or I ignore her and act like nothing is happening?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Concetta, on January 3, 2020 at 2:04 PM
  • Dierdra
    Super August 2021
    Dierdra ·
    • Flag

    I would let it go for now. If it continues then I would say something kindly that whenever he does propose to her you bet it will be very special and that you'll be happy for her but for now you wish she could be happy for you. I don't know. Do you plan to put her in your wedding. That may be a way to gently bring it up - that you want her to be happy and enjoy this time with you but you are worried that since she's hurt that it won't be as fun for either of you to share the moment. Maybe she just doesn't realize how negative shes being.

    My soon to be brother in law is a one upper so as soon as we got engaged he started talking about how they were too. I was frustrated at first but I let it go and plan to just be happy for them when the time comes!

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the pp but yeah maybe to enjoy your moment kind of distance yourself from her for awhile. Personally I get where she is coming from and maybe your son to be bil needs to (bleep) or get off the pot. For some women it's a little hard emotionally to see a big life change happen for someone else and not them when they have been expecting it. If she does continue on I would maybe sit down and talk with her and just really let her know that you're sorry but you generally hope that she is happy for you and that if this is an issue that is really bothering her then she needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with her partner about where they are headed. Personally I don't think it's fair that she is raining on your parade because you deserve to be happy. Maybe she'll get over it but if not then I would take her aside and just friend to friend have a conversation with her.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    I would leave it alone for now. She’s going to feel what she feels, and you talking to her about it probably won’t make a huge difference tbh. Not when she’s bitter about something neither of you can control. It sounds like they could benefit from couple’s therapy. Enjoy your engagement and understand that her feelings have nothing to do with you!
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    I totally get being upset that a close friend doesn't share your happiness during such a special time for you. That being said, it seems like you know the "why" behind it. Is she going about any of it appropriately? Absolutely not. Does it stink to fit the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" description? Yes. I'd let it go. She'll get over it soon. For now celebrate the fact that you're getting MARRIED!!! CongratulationsSmiley smile

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I would let it go & ignore her for now. Don't discuss wedding related things with her & invite her to wedding planning things. She is obviously going through some things emotionally so hopefully she can get them sorted out in her own relationship.

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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
    • Flag

    A lot of people react differently to engagement news. Unfortunately, we can't be in control of that. Some people really celebrate, and some people have pity parties, and it sounds like that's what she's doing right now.


    I was on the other side of this story when my SIL got engaged to my little brother. She was and still is a great lady, and at the time, I wasn't even in a relationship, but I had major jealousy issues the first few days after their engagement. It had nothing to do with the actual engagement, but it had everything to do with the fact that my brother gave her my mother's ring. (Back story, my dad died when we were teenagers and the ring he bought my mom was very sentimental. He had a diamond placed inside the band every year on their anniversary. When he passed, my mom wore the ring on a chain, and eventually she put it in a drawer and said she wished for me to have it and that when I met the man of my dreams, to let him know to come and ask for it. So I was a little crushed when Mom gave it to my brother because she "got tired of waiting for me to meet someone". Her words, not mine, which made the news even worse.) Now, of course, I feel silly about all of it, and immature to boot!!


    I did not behave badly, however, and that is the difference. I feigned a lot of excitement the first few days, and never let on that I was so devastated about the ring. They still don't know about mom's promise, and why should they? Eventually I got into the swing of planning with her, and really started to enjoy how much closer we were becoming. I couldn't begrudge my little brother his happiness, and while I do still get wistful about the ring occasionally, I am so much happier now that my FI and I picked a ring out together that has our own sentimental value.


    Yes, her behavior is bad, and she should not put that on you - you had nothing to do with the proposal, after all. This is a conversation she should continue having with her SO, period. Give her some time. I have a great poker face, but sometimes the initial sadness is harder for others to hide. She'll get over it.


    I'm sorry she's being such a lunatic and don't let her make you feel badly about it any more. Enjoy your engagement!! It's all about YOU, not her. Smiley heart

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  • Concetta
    Super March 2020
    Concetta ·
    • Flag

    I would let it go, not discuss any wedding plans with her... maybe even when she does get engaged... keep your weddings completely separate.

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