Negative Family Members.... How should I deal with this??

Jules, I feel for you I know how you are feeling. FH side hates the fact that they have to travel since I wanted to be married in my hometown in my church. So they always bring that up and tell me I need to re-think it.

My aunt, hates my idea for all the bridesmaids. She thinks I need to have short dressed one shoulder and black (because everyone can wear black again so I am told) hates my center piece idea etc...

I am finally to the point where I say, It's my wedding not yours, Thanks for the suggestion but this is the way we are going. This is my advice to you, just say when you have your wedding do it this way or you had yours this is the way I want it please respect that. It's hard I understand trust me and I have cried over it but do what you WANT no one else (well maybe fh haha )

I would stop talking to your sister and estranged father about all things wedding related. If it hurts you to talk to them about it, then stop doing it. You have a support system that is excited and positive. I'd talk to them about the wedding stuff.

Your sister can hate all your ideas all she wants. Oh well. Not your problem. She can have the color of dresses she wants when she does her own wedding. This time is supposed to be happy and she is supposed to be there for you. If she can't do that, and all she does is hurt you...then cut her out of the planning.

I would get so upset because my mom isn't all that interested in the planning process. She is stoked FH and I are getting married but she isn't into the girly planning stuff. On the other hand FMIL is all aboard and wants to talk wedding all day long. So, I pulled back on talking about it with my own mom and talk to her more about it. This way, everyone is happy and I don't feel let down.

Had to edit above I spelled your name the way my friend does and it was wrong sorry about that!

Thank you for the feedback! I think I'll stop discussing it with her as much as I can. She's my MOH so that's interesting but I had to wear emerald green, long sleeved, floor length, satin BM dress to Her wedding in '96. I did point that out to her but sadly she liked those dresses. :/ At least the one I chose for her is halter style, knee length and pretty. My FH wants to be very involved in the planning so that helps. He did end up telling a few friends that while we appreciate the advice, it's overwhelming and we'll ask if we need something. Idk if he'd be quite as subtle with my sister tho! She still sees me as a little kid who needs her to do everything for me. I don't want to tell her off cuz then she'll not come to the wedding, cause her drama & manage to make it all about her. She's the One thing I dread about our wedding.

I was having a situation with my sister being very negative. I told her that I would just be sending her an invitation because her negativity was overwhelming me. I stopped talking to her about ALL things wedding for weeks and finally she asked me something, I ignored the question, and after a few more weeks her attitude had completely changed.

In addition to not discussing wedding with them, you could also let her choose the dress. That way if she hates it in 10 years, or now for that matter, she will only have herself to blame.

I was debating letting her pick her own dress as long as it's the right color. If she hates it, it'd be her own fault like you said. She's always been like this & I've mostly just gotten used to it. But if like to have a major life event be drama free from her.

You don't have to tell her off or give her an attitude. You can still be loving towards her and sisterly, just don't talk wedding planning with her. Or limit it.

Ahh I almost posted about this myself! My mom went to school for photography and she has such an opinion about photographers.

My cousin on my dad's side took our engagement photos and she's offered us a really good deal on our wedding package...so when I asked my mom's opinion she goes "you should go with her you can't get anything better for that price". I kept telling her we can afford what we want so what is her opinion and she kept saying "just go with her"... so we did. And ALL she has been doing since then is talking about how "average" she is and she really isn't good at photography and blah blah blah. I was like.... I ASKED you to help and you said nothing. UGH. How do you say something without causing a fight- half the time I don't even bring it up!

I understand what you mean Jules. When I told my sister I was getting married, she was was very negative about my ideas (my colors, the date, time, wedding party, etc) Eventually I stopped telling her anything. After awhile, she started asking how everything was going, I would be very pleasant but gave very short answers and would end the call as quickly as possile. (i.e. Sister: "Have you decided on a location?" Me: "Not yet, but we're getting close." Sister: Well, make sure it's not on the beach. I don't want to be cold. And don't have an outdoor wedding either. I don't want to be hot." Me: "Oh, that's my vendor. Let me call you back." Speak with her, be polite, but don't divulge any information.

I seem to have this issue of telling her things when I shouldn't. I'm slowly learning to stop doing that. We found a venue where we can have the ceremony, reception & the dance in one location for $1500. I made the mistake of telling her that and she freaked out & said thAy was outrageous. I found other reception venues and those were $1200 to Start! When I told her we got engaged when they happened, her response was "oh.. Wish I'd had warning". I told her "Gee thanks for the enthusiasm". She was like "oh I'm happy for you". *sigh* She likes my FH and is honestly glad I found a decent guy finally. Just wish she could be a little happier about the wedding. I feel bad cuz for family, she's pretty much it but it sucks that I can't share things with her & involve her more. I just get sick of hearing "how're you gonna afford that?", "you Know this this & this have to be done This way", "you Do realize you have to..."... So my close friends get the joy of me sharing ideas & getting their opinions instead. We aren't doing some 'traditional' things & are doing some more modern ideas. Which she doesn't get. My FH is frustrated cuz he doesn't get why she can't be more supportive.

I'm kinda in the same boat. His family is thrilled about us being engaged but some of my family isn't so thrille. When they say negative stuff I just try to ignore them for the most part

Is there any way you could ask her to attend and not be your MOH?

You need positive people around you .. and like Amy above stated... might not happen.?

Just a thought?

I am also in a similar boat. But with my mother. I wanted her to be more involved but she is unable to. She is a schizophrenic and this makes her very self-centered. She is not at all interested in the wedding. When I told her that I was getting married she said "oh yeah". That was it. I talked to my dad about it and he thinks she will be more involved when the time comes closer, but by then it will be too late. I have grown a little used to the way she is (she was not always sick) and I have to grow and deal with it because she can not help it. My MOH and I are the only ones planning my wedding, I don't have any other help. FH is great but just wants what will make me happy and a hummer limo. lol Your situation is a little different, sounds like your sister is just not willing to let you be the center of attention. I agree with the just not talking to her about the wedding or have you asked her why she is so negative? She may tell you. I would talk wedding with the supportive friends!

It always happens. As a Wedding Planner a see it a lot...But at the end of the day, you should focus on what and who makes you happy not who does not.

Enjoy the planning and enjoy the out-come. Is your day and nothing else matters

OOOOOOOOOOH Yes, I almost had an issue with my MIL-to-be. I have three in my bridal party, and a flower girl. For whatever reason (my age? the fact we live together? because she didn't get what she wanted?) she told my fiance we should only have one bridesmaid and one groomsman. Heck, my cousin had five or six each, and TWO MOH and TWO Best Men! Anyway, she then proceeded to tell my fiance that I should have his nieces, whom I have never met and who don't even know their uncle, as my flower girls. I'd already asked a dear friend if he and his wife would allow their sweet, gorgeous little girl be my FG (especially since he won't be my photographer, haha!) and they gladly accepted. Josh told her this and she said "then you need to find something for them to do in your wedding!".

I never spoke directly to her about it, but I turned my eyes up and stated to her through him "I have SEVERAL nieces and nephews, and they're not in my wedding. IT'S JENNIE!!" And so it remains!