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Sarah
Expert October 2021

Needing to vent

Sarah, on April 7, 2021 at 3:00 PM

Posted in Community Conversations 61

Has anyone else had issues with family members being negative towards you and your fiancé? My mom keeps being negative about everything I tell her I’m excited about with wedding planning. She keeps telling me that I don’t have my own thoughts and I’m just going along with what my fiancé wants. My...
Has anyone else had issues with family members being negative towards you and your fiancé? My mom keeps being negative about everything I tell her I’m excited about with wedding planning. She keeps telling me that I don’t have my own thoughts and I’m just going along with what my fiancé wants. My fiancé and I talk about everything and we come up with ideas together. She is mad now because I told her, we are planning on honeymooning in California. I told her we are planning on going to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry farm, and the ocean because that is what my fiancé and I want to do. She keeps telling me that is what he wants to do and I will regret it as I get older. That going to Disneyland is like us going to Six Flags or down the street to the Las Vegas strip. That everyone goes there, that we should go to Disney World instead, my fiancé and I, neither one of us desires to go to Disney World. Plus this trip is only the small one. Because we decided we wanted to do a small trip this year after we get married and a big extravagant trip next year. I told my mom that and she is like you won’t have money next year for the trip. My fiancé and I have been saving for the big trip. I’m sorry, I just needed to vent.
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61 Comments

  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    I think it is a lot of change for her right now. My fiancé and I moved in together a few months ago. My brother is about to graduate high school. I see her every weekend and I talk to her every day. She even said before she would have preferred for my fiancé and I to get married and live with her. I feel like she is having a hard time with letting go.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My fiancé and I are planning spending 2-3 days in Disneyland, a day at Knott’s Berry Farm, and a day at the ocean. Plus this is our small honeymoon. We are going to Australia next year for 10 days for our actual honeymoon. This is just like a little vacation and my mom does not seem to understand that.
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  • Betty
    Dedicated July 2021
    Betty ·
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    IMO if Mom (or MIL or who ever) isn't paying for the event their opinion is just that their opinion! My future MIL is all up in our business and we are trying to have a nice wedding on a budget ~ they aren't contributing to our wedding (fiance & I are paying for everything) ~ they want to know all about the food and put their two cents into who is getting an invination (and trying to expand the guest list even though we want to keep it small ~ HELLO anyone hear about COVID). Mind you this is the same women who said we should "just run off & get married" when we first started about getting married this summer.

    I think YOU and SO need to do you and work details out (day of wedding or honeymoon or future trip) and the TWO of you BE happy with your choices. Disney World or Disney Land or Kansas IF it's where you want to go for YOUR honeymoon you should GO there... after all is it really anyone's business where you honeymoon ~ I would think you are doing them a favor by even including them in the conversation!

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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    That is good advice to start saying we instead of using his name. My mom wants to control the whole wedding. After work today she was nagging me about getting more of the wedding planned.
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  • Betty
    Dedicated July 2021
    Betty ·
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    Could very well be part of the issue. Does she have a husband or hobbies or social activities which don't revolve around you and your brother? For some people it is very hard to let go. One of the happiest couples I know almost got a divorce after their youngest went off to college ~ it took them a lot of work and effort to "find each other" again & start doing couples things that brought them together 40+ years ago ~ they are great now and have traveled the world since. But maybe your Mom is having some separation anxiety! You said you talk to her everyday & see her weekends. Maybe you need to remind her how important she is to you and your life while also making it very clear that you are beginning your life with your future husband ~ but she is important & won't be forgotten. (She also might be seeing things that remind her of situations where she feels in retrospect that she was taken advantage of & she doesn't want you to get hurt or have those feelings of regret later). It might take some digging on your part to figure out what is really at the root of the issues with her.

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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Thank you for that. I just hope Disneyland by last week of October will be open to people who don’t live in California. My fiancé and I are planning on doing the park hopper when we are there. It just upsets me that my mom can’t be happy and supportive that my fiancé and I have both found some place we want to honeymoon together. Then she naga me about my wedding planning.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My fiancé and I are planning on spending 2-3 days at Disneyland. We have money saved up for our Disney tickets and park hopper passes.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    I have not even had a makeup trial yet. I keep forgetting about that. I really liked how my makeup was done for my engagement pictures. I will probably go back to the same place and have them do my makeup the day of.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My mom will fight this and degrade my choice and keep being negative about anything I plan. Honestly she will probably be negative about the wedding as well, just not on the wedding day.
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  • Cam
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Cam ·
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    Stop telling her what you and your fiancé decide to do. You don’t need any negativity in your life. Hugs.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    It is my mom and honestly she has talked about giving us some money for our honeymoon (back before she quite working, now they are living off of my step-dads income). My fiancé’s parents have contributed money to the wedding and they are pretty much like tell us the date, time, place, and what color we should wear. My fiancé’s mom has said if we need help on any part of the wedding planning process just to ask and they will help us with ideas. They are not trying to put their two cents into every wedding planning detail or the honeymoon.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My mom sits at home all day long on the couch watching tv and playing on her phone. She has decided to quite working. Her husband is an over the road truck driver. My sister (who is older than me) just had her second daughter today, they live in a different state. Then there is me, who just moved out in November (I still see her every weekend and I talk to her every day when I’m off of work). My younger brother, he is in the Navy and stationed in California. Then my youngest brother, he is about to graduate high school. He does not have a job or anyone he is dating. He goes to his friends house one day a week to play a game that is similar to Dungeons and Dragons. I know my mom has been married twice, I feel like she regrets both of her honeymoon’s. The one was to our families cabin in Wisconsin (they where young, late teens/early 20’s). My moms second honeymoon with my stepdad was to Las Vegas, they moved here about 12 years later.
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  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Honestly no we don’t. I’m a teacher and he is an overnight security guard for a hotel and casino here in Las Vegas. We get a lot of negativity on a daily basis from our jobs. I am not going to keep her informed on my wedding planning, it is to stressful and she wants me to plan the wedding her way. It is my fiancé and my day, not hers. She had hers already, two of them to be exact.
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  • Y
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Yanteunnea ·
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    Same here honey just stay strong and remove the negative seriously that’s what I’m doing plus we are young and they seem to think we don’t have are own mind it’s crazy I’m in the same situation ugh
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    My mother's behavior was so toxic at our wedding shower - while I thought she was on some of her better behavior - that *every last one of our friends was hugging me and apologizing to me that my mother was so awful*.

    Then she got the invitation.

    We haven't spoken since, and she didn't come to the wedding. So.

    You're not alone.

    I'm sorry.

    I'd just... literally talk about the weather with her. IF you feel like talking to her at all.

    (Cutting contact with your mother is always 100% an option, and I can tell you that I have had much better mental-health outcomes since my mother stopped speaking to us. Heck, our wedding day was SO RELAXED because she wasn't there!)

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    It sounds to me like she has a major issue with your fiance and is being negative about your wedding because of it.
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  • Cam
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Cam ·
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    You are absolutely right! It is you and your fiancé’s day not hers. Enjoy your day and honeymoon by doing it YOUR way 💜
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    If your mom is always negative, then you should probably stop sharing your plans with her since you already know what her reaction is going to be. Also, I don’t know why people put so much pressure on a honeymoon, as if it’s the only trip a married couple is ever going to take in their life.
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  • Miranda
    Beginner May 2021
    Miranda ·
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    I know how you feel. If my mother was here she would tell me everything I'm doing wrong. I'm glad my aunt is very involved and does not have any issues with our choices. Although my sister is just like our mother so I get it either way. I just ignore her!

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Great!! You'll love it! It's the happiest place on earth!

    Don't let anyone discourage you. You and FH do what makes you happy!!

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