Need to make a choice on my mom

The only color she traditionally would not wear is white. Your choice to wear a pink dress does not give you any right to control what any guest including MOB wears. I think you’re being unreasonable.

Do you have a photo of your dress and the one your mother intends to wear? It may be helpful to have strangers, removed from the situation, look at them and give an honest opinion as to whether or not it’s super noticeable/ would look weird.

Why is your Mom acting like this? Is this normal for her? Does she know you were going to have her walk you down the aisle? I would be very hurt if my mom did this. Does she really want to compete with you? This is very strange behavior

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. You are in the wrong here but mom is not the bad person that she is being made out to be.


Also, everyone will know that you are the bride, unless they somehow stumbled into the wrong location. No one can upstage you no matter what they wear. That includes siblings and parents. It’s only been fairly recently in history that the guests wear a different color than the bride. Is this really worth creating hurt feelings?

To put it another way, the only traditional etiquette rule is that unless the bride requests it of her bridesmaids, no one wears all white but the bride. There is no rule stating guests can not wear the same color as a bride who chooses to go with a different color. There never was.


On top of this, couples have no proper discretion or authority over the parents’ attire. It’s fine if they opt to coordinate with the wedding colors but that’s entirely up to them.

1) Have you been able to actually sit down and have a full and calm conversation with your mom to explain how upset you’ll be if she wears the same color as you? I know you’ve told her not to multiple times, but maybe she’s just not connecting with the reasoning behind it/thinks you’re just getting uptight over wedding details. I don’t know your mom so don’t know what motivates her, of course, but one would hope that disregarding her daughter’s feelings on her wedding day would be something she hopes to avoid. Can you turn it into a fun bonding experience where you offer to go shopping with her and maybe even pitch in a little? Or can you get a scarf or shawl in a different complimentary color that she can wear with it but not be a solid block of light pink?


2) If she insists on sticking with light pink, what style is it? Contrary to what some of the PPs have said about her not overshadowing you, I’ve seen other posts with MOB outfits that look QUITE bridal. And blush pink undertones are very popular in wedding dresses right now. If the dress were lily white, would anyone confuse it for a wedding dress, or is it pretty clear that it’s not?
3) Did you already ask her to walk you down the aisle. If you have, it will probably be really hurtful and not worth it to demote her over a dress. If you haven’t, she probably expects your dad to do it anyway. I would definitely not tell her you were planning on asking but changed your mind because of her attire.

While I understand why this would be frustrating and hurtful the only thing you can control is how you react to it. Honestly if she shows up looking bridal people will be giving her the side eye all night, it ll make her look bad not you. She will look foolish and petty not you. Weddings are so stressful I d try to my best to not let this add to your stress. You absolutely can calmly and kindly express your feelings on the matter but ultimately the decision is her. Wishing you all the best. 💙

OP only said the dress was pink, which has always been a time honored and acceptable color for MOBs. OP isn't even wearing pink herself, not that that changes anything, she's wearing ivory with an underlay of rose gold, so please. The mom found a dress she loves that fits and flatters her. IMO it would be completely inappropriate to confront her on this or "punish" her by making her walk separately if that wasn't the original plan.

The only one behaving questionably here is OP.

I don’t understand why other comments here say that you are being unreasonable especially all your replies CM. When I personally think nobody would like if this situation would be happening to them. Parents should support us and help to make our day the most perfect day just like when we had our quinceañera day. I’m not saying it’s your mom’s fault neither but I think she’s not understanding you for some reason. I don’t know why she’s in this battle with you. I would be hurt if my mother don’t listen to my wishes. It’s not like you’re asking anything over the top, you just asked them to not wear white or pink. How many more colors there are there to choose lol !!!
So now I don’t think you should replace her with your dad if that was the first plan. I personally think you should seat with your mom to calmly express your feelings. I agree with the rest on that. Perhaps help her find another dress and color that she will love too. There are soo many options out there for people to be inconsiderate and stubborn. Good luck with everything!

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Short answer, because it's the appropriate etiquette of the situation. IMO what's unreasonable is for the bride to think she has any discretion over the attire of guests not in the wedding party, including MOB.

I assure you there really are people who would not care even a little bit if their mother wore pink to their wedding, which again has always been a traditional and time honored color for MOBs. In this case the bride isn't even wearing all pink, not that this matters. If OP or any bride is that concerned about being the only one wearing her color I'd suggest going with traditional white or ivory color. But she doesn't get to go non-traditional and impose a dress code, no.

View Quoted Comment You might think, “Some people would not care even a little bit if their mother wore pink to their wedding.” Still, in this case, it’s clear that the bride cares, and the problem here is that she even expressed her desires to her bridal party, including the mom, and they are not respecting her decisions/desires. It would help if you try to understand that sometimes tradition doesn’t matter and it’s up to the couple to envision how they would like their wedding to be. Pink is as beautiful as so many others that her mother can choose. I don’t think your input is valid here since you’re stating that if she doesn’t go with traditional, she cannot impose a dress code. What would make you think that weddings HAVE to be a certain way?
Nowadays, these times, couples are more open to giving guidance to their bridal party & guests. It depends on how you communicate it. If she expresses her request politely and explains her reasons, It should not be considered rude, and I don’t see why she would be “imposing” anything.

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There is a big difference between etiquette and tradition. Etiquette is a set of standards or protocol meant to ease social interaction and prevent avoidable conflict by putting everyone on the same field. Etiquette typically doesn't care if you do something non-traditional. It's traditional that brides wear white, but they certainly don't have to. There's no etiquette rule. There is on the other hand a widely known etiquette restriction against anyone but the bride wearing all white.

I realize that the OP cares about this issue, the question is whether she's justified. I was responding to your comment that you find it hard to believe that anyone would not care. The point is that just because she is the bride doesn't mean she has authority over what color her mother wears.

Certainly there are plenty of people who pay no attention to etiquette. The risk you take is that relationships and reputations suffer needlessly.

I would tell her what colors with inspiration photos. If she won’t respect your boundaries after you have a calm talk with her then you need to hold those boundaries and explain why.

View Quoted Comment It’s so interesting because I actually attended a wedding this past weekend in NY that all the guests were dressed one color just different shades. Everyone looked beautiful.The bride didn’t only requested color for the bridesmaids but also for her guests. It’s ultimately her wedding and she’s not asking for a lot just for her mother not to wear anything pink. Will you not attend to a wedding if they ask you to find certain colors dress ? People don’t care about this but there will be some that will always talk no matter what. My point here is that brides have the last say and yes they can dictate however they want their weddings and that doesn’t mean they are offending anyone.

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Brides do not have the last say over anyone but themselves and some discretion with the dress worn by her wedding party. That is the etiquette of the situation. Unless it was someone in my immediate family, which it wouldn't be, no I would not agree to be treated as a prop or to have to go out and unnecessarily spend money on something new. And yes, IMO that's offensive.

View Quoted Comment It might not be very respectful for you because, apparently, you are very sensitive to requests. But a wedding is about the preferences of both partners. It’s vital to find a balance that ensures everyone feels included and comfortable, and in my opinion, telling guests not to wear a specific color isn’t out of the ordinary. There are many brides nowadays empathizing even more in decision-making. Also, many women take weddings as an excuse to buy a new dress! Just keep in mind that it isn’t about being demanding, but providing the most guidance to your guests is always better than having everyone look very underdressed at the big event.

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IMO it's an overbearing request that is unreasonable, not a negative reaction to an unreasonable request. Telling guests, who may or may not want to go out and buy something new, or in a color a bride dictates according to her "vision" or "theme," wouldn't make anyone I know feel included, it would make them feel imposed upon. I have never once been told to wear or not to wear a specific color at any of the many weddings I've attended.

Color has nothing to do with formality. A formal wedding is properly indicated on the invitation. Otherwise, guests are supposed to be considered as adults who should know how to dress appropriately for a wedding.

As you say, we disagree.