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Candace
Just Said Yes October 2022

Need some help

Candace, on June 7, 2022 at 11:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
I need some advice on my step sister who I have made my matron of honor. And her husband be a best man. When I asked her if she would be my matron of honor, she was like absolutely. She told me that she would take care of the bridesmaid gift boxes, the bridal shower, the shirts for the wedding party and the bachelorette party. I told her that’s great. But I figured she was maybe too excited about being apart of my wedding. So I have 8 girls all together, I let everyone know that we would be going for the dresses on a certain date and then some couldn’t go on that date so I had two different dates picked out. The place we are using for the dresses is family owned and local and easy for everyone to just stop by. Well the first set of girls came and they paid for their dresses. Some half down and some paid in full. My step sister told me she would be there too. She told me she didn’t get paid til two day from that date and the lady at the dress shop said no problem just come in and we will get you set up. Well two days came and went. I didn’t ask her about it because yes we have busy lives I understood. So I told her in the next three weeks, we will have another dress picking for the next set of girls. I told her to make sure she was there because these dresses take up to 15 to 16 weeks to come in and if they need to be altered then that would take time too. Well she was a no call no show for the second dress fitting. Well it’s been almost a month I have asked her if she was able to get her dress. She told me that she didn’t have the money and if I could get it for her. I politely declined because We are already paying for the wedding. And if we paid for hers we would have to pay for her husbands too. My main concern was her getting her dress in time for the wedding. I know it’s in October 2022 but the dresses will take time to get in. So I waited another week in all this time I’ve waited for her to say something about the wedding or the dress, she hasn’t. Well i found out that she’s been having all these parties and get togethers , and then asked me for gas money. At this point I’m lost for words. My heart is a little broken because she got her priorities in the wrong place already. But at this point I really need to know how to handle telling her that it’s ok if she not in the wedding that she can still come to the wedding. Not sure how to even go about telling her. Just need some guidance. Thanks I’m advance Candace

15 Comments

Latest activity by Candace, on June 8, 2022 at 10:59 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Regardless of her budgeting skills and not showing up to try on and pay for a dress, because you have committed to asking her to be a maid of honor, there is no way you can ask her to step down and be a guest. That is how friendships and relationships are cut off. The only thing she needs to do is purchase a dress and show up on the wedding day. Everything else is optional.


    If you do a payment plan for her dress, it doesn’t obligate you in any way to covering her husband’s expenses.
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  • Mrs.evans
    Rockstar October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    I think that you just need to talk too her and asked her why she is not showing up. And the sales lady is willing to work with her and yes I will be heartbreaking to have her step down now with only 4 month s away. And she excepted the titles and she needs either to be apart but it is not right for her just not to show up on the 2 dates that you set up. Because she is too busy partying and spend money now she shouldn't have asked you too pay for her dress when she had the money she just spent it. Speak to her and I hope that everything works out
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  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani ·
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    Hi Candace. Sorry to hear you’re going through this with your sister. It seems as though, she doesn’t have the money. Maybe try having another conversation with her to see if she’s willing to be in your wedding and work something out wit her with getting the dress. Maybe even come up with a compromise and go half with her on the dress instead of the full amount since you do know she’s having some financial issues. Just a thought. I hope it all works out.
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  • Michelle
    Super August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I think there is no need to investigate her social activities and just accept she cannot afford your wedding. Some weddings have the MOH wear a different dress-- would you allow this? Or is the dress the deal breaker/ relationship breaker? You chose to have 8 bridesmaids and you are actually very fortunate most are on board and on time. However, matching shirts, gifts, and even wedding parties are all optional and just a trend about material things. I would let these go if you cannot provide. Just continue to focus on your relationships.

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  • Sloane
    Rockstar May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    Hmm this is a hard one. I think that as previous posters have mentioned you might want to have a conversation and let her know that you empathize with her situation but need her to make a better effort to prioritize the wedding if she is truly committed to participating in it. Explore where her commitment level is in all of this and then perhaps provide her an out and politely suggest that perhaps if her role in your wedding is a heavy lift personally and financially she can opt out and there would be no love lost.
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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    The only thing is I wouldn’t see the money at all. She’s very careless with money. Our relationship isn’t the best but I try to make it to where it works. Thanks for this, I will be praying I can try to keep her in the wedding.
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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    Thank you, I’m going to have a lunch date with her to see exactly what’s what. She has her priorities in the wrong place. But I do want her to know that it’s ok that she can’t do all the things she said that’s ok. But I just need her to get her dress. I know if I do make a payment I would never see the money .
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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    Thank you for this . I will be having a lunch date to see what we can come up with. I pray she makes the right effort to try and get the dress. I will ask if she she can do half .
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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    Thank you and yes all the girls had their own dress that they felt good to wear, They chose whichever dress. She did said she wanted to have the navy blue dress since everyone else would be wear the coral color. I said absolutely that would be wonderful. But then not even an effort to get the dress. So I will be sitting with her to see what’s what.
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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    Thank you and yes this will be the last resort to see if she truly can handle just the dress. My other bridesmaids are helping the rest being it’s right around the corner. I’ve done a few things too. I tried to include her in everything and so have the other bridesmaids. But still nothing. Thank u so much
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  • Sloane
    Rockstar May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    Wishing you the best in all of this!
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  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani ·
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    I really hope it works out for you Candance!
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  • Mrs.evans
    Rockstar October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Yes I have family like that too and that would be a good idea. Good luck
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It's hard because you can't set financial priorities for other people. Unfortunately the dress to her, right now, isn't a priority.

    My advice would be to leave it with her. If she has the dress, then she's in the wedding party, if not, she attends as a guest. This isn't really something you can control, unless you pay for her attire.

    You said she's bad with money. You can't expect her to change that just because you're getting married. I hope things work out.

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  • Candace
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Candace ·
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    Thank you yes I’m going to just wait and when it gets closer to wedding day I know where I’ll be placing ppl if she doesn’t have a dress. It’s sad but I can only wait.
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