Need serious help -- Wedding Stress with Mother, Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor

Well, I would hug your FH! Breathe you're almost there and don't let anyone ruin this for you.

I'm gonna try and break this down by each point.

-If your father was going to give you money, frankly, it's allowed to have stipulations. Good for you for just paying it for yourself if you didn't want to give in to his stipulations, but he didn't necessarily do anything wrong.

-I'm with the BM as far as the cost. You're asking them to travel for your bachelorette and then travel again in less than a month to your wedding. That's a lot on a person. I would have turned down the bachelorette because I wouldn't have been able to swing that financially. They probably feel like you didn't take them into consideration and that's why they're upset. Did you say anything about them that could have been twisted? Like maybe you were upset with an attitude and said something and it got around to all the girls?

-You should have offered to pay for the dress from the beginning, or at least the fabric/materials. I bet your MOH didn't realize all the added expenses of travelling for your bachelorette and then traveling again for your wedding, plus any other activities you are doing. She should have been upfront with you about her cost restraints, but you also should have been more cognizant of the burden you were putting on her and your other BM. I don't see how her trip to Ireland has anything to do with your wedding...

-Eh, the BM being upset about dinner is silly, but I feel like there might be more to the story.

-Some people's parents just aren't super involved in their wedding. It stinks, sometimes, but that's just life. That being said, she doesn't have to get her hair and makeup done if she doesn't want, and frankly, she should be allowed to wear whatever she wants. There seems to be a common theme of people thinking of said something that you claim you didn't. If you think back, is there some drop of truth to it?

Hi Anna! Welcome to the WeddingWire Community! I am so sorry to hear you're experiencing this. There are obviously miscommunications, but see if you can speak with everyone in an attempt to reach a common ground; more than anything, you all need to be on some sort of agreement.

Please take this easy. I know how frustrating it can be to deal with difficult personalities, but don't allow it to take you down. It's all a part of life; don't become depressed over this! Find some time to relax from your work and school schedule by taking a walk and just breathing. Also be sure to speak with your fiance as much as possible for guidance and support.

I hope you're able to work through this. Let me know if you need any additional assistance.

Best of luck!

I am sorry you are going through this.

First of all, a lot of people seem to think that you "say horrible things" about others (your friends at the bach trip, your sister, your mom). Have you thought about it? Do you know what is the reason people perceive you as being judgmental towards others? Do you "joke around" about your friends or family members? Can your behavior or past behavior be causing this mess and confusion?

Unless you planned the bachelorette party yourself, your demanded it be on an expensive place, there is nothing you can do about what people spent. I went through the same thing and when I found out people would be spending too much I requested that my MOH cancelled (yes, cancelled) the whole thing. It was the best thing for me and I avoided a lot of issues and drama - but that is water under the bridge.

I am not sure what happened between the friends being late and arriving for them to say you were spreading untrue things about them but I am sure something must have triggered the thought, it seems unlikely that they would all come up with this elaborated idea just because they no longer wanted to be in the wedding, at that point, I would think they would not have gone all the way to Vegas for you in first place. Again, go back in time and try to see where they came from and work things out. If they are your friends they should be willing to talk about it with you and fix the relationship.

The thing with your sister: yes it is amazing that she would gift you, but these things (when you get offers from friends and family) usually don't end up well. We see a lot of that here on WW and unfortunately you will have to either play by her rules now or get yourself a new dress off rack and fast. Have you being grateful to her? Have you expressed gratitude towards what she has done for you so far? Some people need to feel acknowledged for their efforts, as her sister you would know if that is the case.

Your mother - why is she feeling that way? Have you been mentioning cost or seeking financial help from her? If so, now is the time to stop. Nothing will come from there and she seem to be frustrated about it. The dress thing, are you requesting that she wears a color of your choice? Why? She is a adult and should be able to pick her own outfit for your wedding. You can only dictate your BP outfit and maybe give your opinion on others, but at the end, is her own decision to make. Hair and makeup: are you paying for it? If you are not you cannot/should not expect anyone to get it professionally done. Again, she is an adult and she should have the freedom to choose what she spends her money on - maybe these services are not her priority. The grandparents: again, why?? Why do people assume you say things about others? It seem to be an opinion that multiple people have of you, once more I will say, take a good look at yourself, maybe innocently you are sending the wrong message with your actions. Step back and look from outside, see what you can do to change.

Time is cutting close and I know emotions run high, from everyone.

Your mother must be nervous too, it is a new thing for her to have you getting married (even if she had other children getting married, this is you, and it it won't be a general feeling for every single kid).

Give people space to make their own decisions and do as they please. If your friends no longer want to be in the wedding all you can do is have a heart to heart conversation, apologize for what is hurting them, tell them how you feel and ask them to reconsider, if they do great, if not, you have to let go and move forward. At the end of the day, your main goal is to get married and that will happen one way or the other.

Be patience, be kind, don't think as a bride the whole time, remember to be the friend, sister, daughter too!

Good luck~

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Totally agree with this.

Also, if you're having issues with so many people, it would be useful to take a step back and looking at the situation from an outside perspective. Even if you don't notice it, there is something you're doing that is upsetting so many people. Are you expecting too much? Are you being considerate?

1) Did your dad warn you he wasn't going to pay if it wasn't at his venue of choice? Or is this new information?

2) Did your BM's have a say in where you all went on your bachelorette party? Being in a bridal party can be very expensive and sometimes as brides we can get self absorbed. They shouldn't have shown up late or talked behind your back like that.

3) Is your sister charging you less than what you'd spend in a bridal shop? I know the surprise expense sucks, but if it's cheaper than a dress you could buy in a store, then it's a better deal AND an amazing gift from your sister. Also because she's MOH and also your seamstress, you should cut her some slack. Take her out to dinner, thank her for what she's doing. Make her feel appreciated. She might be almost as stressed out as you.

4) Being upset about dinner seems petty. Do you hang out with her a lot? Maybe she wants to spend time with you guys and doesn't realize how busy you are. Have you blown her off a lot recently?

5) You should step back from your mom. Don't make her get her hair/makeup done. Let her wear what she wants. Call your grandparents and tell them how much you love them.

6) Give your FH a hug and talk to him about what's happening. The wedding is about you two, not your Dad or your BM's or your sister or your mom. As long as you two are supporting each other, everything will work out.

Thank you for responding:

1. I expressed to my BM's I was sad they came 3 hours late when the other girls planned dinner, games, decorations for everyone and we were sitting in the room waiting for them. They apologized but I found out from my sister they were all difficult in the planning process which I was not part of. She suggested they did not want to be there in the first place and were looking for things to be upset about.

2. I did not burden my sister in making my dress, she offered to make my dress as she does this for a living and said it would be special. I contemplated not having her do it as I know how she is.. But yes, it was a surprise expense for her to suddenly charge me when my soon to be husband and I are scraping expenses together.

3. And I agree, it has been a common occurrence that people are saying things about me and saying I said horrible things that I didn't. My fiancé has noticed it too. We are both tired of all of it.

4. Yes, I paid for my moms hair and makeup. And both my mom and soon to be mommy in law asked what color they should wear and I suggested black. My mother in law was so excited and my mom, not so much. She told me black is for funerals.

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1. No, he told us he was going to pay for it no matter what. Then decided not to which is fine. Its just an added stress setting the tone for my fiancé and I.

2. I don't know if the BMs had a say in the party bc I was not involved in the planning process..

3. I think it would probably be less but its still an unwarranted expense when we already have so many

4. We used to but I have been so busy with grad school and wedding planning

5. My grandparents are in Europe and elderly, its a little difficult, I was just there 6 mo ago with my FH visiting them. A little shpeal on the "drama", my grandma moved out of my grandpas house and lives alone now in a condo in the city. They're still married. I just told this to my mom who is very conservative and against divorce and she thought I was implying maybe they've separated? She definitely went down a slippery slope.

6. Yes, he is all I have, my rock. Grateful for him.

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1) In that case, it really sucks. I'm sorry. I know this plus the dress cost must be really hard on you and your FH.

2) They shouldn't be airing their grievances to you if you had nothing to do with planning. You got engaged and asked them to be in your bridal party, but it wasn't your choice to have everyone fly out to Vegas. I don't think it's fair to tell you that you should have cancelled your bachelorette party either. These ladies are grown enough to know if they can afford a trip and should be able to say "I can't go because it's too expensive".

3) I understand that it's hard with the added venue cost, but it really is amazing you have a sister who can do that for you. You should try to accommodate her the best you can.

4) Set a date to hang out with her ASAP. Just buy her a coffee and sit for 30 minutes and explain to her what's been happening. Check in with her over text. She's probably the kind of person who needs more frequent contact with someone to keep bonds with them.

5) Your mom probably has all her own stress to deal with. You should stop talking to her about the wedding. If she's super sensitive about divorce/separation, maybe you should stop talking to her about your grandparents as well.

6) That's good :]

Try to take a step back and breathe. Look at things from the outside and place yourself in the other persons shoes. Wedding planning is stressful and you want to avoid carrying drama after your big day. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment I like that you guys are critical thinkers, me too, clinical psychology major in grad school. But honestly no. The only unusual thing is I’m the first and youngest of all my friends.. they’re all experiencing some distress in some aspect of their personal lives.

View Quoted Comment Hi Neffe- thank you, you’re so sweet.

ETA: Just read your updates. Since your wedding is in 22 days try not to over burden them and not stress yourself out. If they dont want make up oh well, just make sure they know when and where they are supposed to be on that day. Maybe you and your FH can solve much of the last minute details. Focusing on the two of you may help you relax a bit. After the wedding you may still have to deal with this. You may have to think about what caused this possibly and talk with them individually to save relationships.

I’m not talking to any of the 3 girls who turned their backs on me right before my wedding. That’s a deal breaker for me and just added stress to my already full plate. Just like no one owes me anything, I don’t owe anyone anything. And I’ve already done a lot spending $100k on a wedding for everyone to enjoy when we could of bought a house and just eloped.

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My pleasure! Hope all is well! Stay positive!