Need help ASAP...thinking about calling off my wedding.

You know what to do, best wishes in this <3

I'm so sorry. Trust yourself and do what's best for you and what will make you happy.

You have very serious concerns and I'm sorry you're going through this. But you can't ignore what's right in front of you. Listen to your gut. Good luck.

I agree with Carly don't look at how much money you have put in because in the grand scheme of things that is nothing.

Let me tell you what happened with me. My daughter's father was addicted to heroin and barely held a job down. He went long periods of time without one. He was never home and was selling stuff from our home behind my back. It was things I didn't notice for a while. I really wanted to have a family for my daughter because my parents are divorced. I turned a blind eye to a lot. Please remember that the best you can do for your son is to sometimes get out of the situation. Because seeing that can be a lot worse. It took a lot and now my daughter is 12 and such a great girl. She doesn't remember anything that happened with me and her father.

Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck.

It sounds like you've decided what you want to do. It sucks that you are going through this, but I wish you the best in having the conversation.

I'm sorry you are having doubts, but it does seem like things that need to be worked out before marriage.

I was considering marrying someone similar to who you describe, a dead end job, constantly smoking weed, never tried to better his life. It was hard because i thought i loved him, but once i realized his priorities were not us having a nice family and building a life together like i wanted, he wanted to work as little as possible and spend every penny on weed and bills wouldn't get paid, i had to take a huge step back and ask myself, is this how you want to live? Out of all of the great men in the world, is this the man i choose and do not want to live without because he makes me a better person and we will have a great like together?

I would take some time to ask yourself questions like that and discuss your concerns with him

First off, I'm so so sorry that you are going through this.

I think if you have to question it, it's probably not the best idea to continue with marriage. I would try counseling and also work on your relationship with him.

Thanks everyone. It's just feels good to share what's going on in my head instead of keeping it in! I'm totally terrified to have this conversation with my fiance but clearly it has to happen.

Always trust your gut!!

I might be the minority here, but if you've made the commitment to marry him.. Then despite his current antics I think he deserves the chance to make things right before you call off the wedding. Just have a heart to heart talk with him about your needs and expectations of a husband and I'm sure with time he will shape up

As a mother, how would you feel about the situation if it were your child in this situation?

As a mother of 2 little girls, I would have absolutely no problem walking away from their father if he were like your FH(unless he was 100% willing to go to counseling and work on things) I would rather raise my girls without being married, than setting an example of what a marriage shouldn't be.

Children adapt, and your child will not better off if you marry his/her father.

At least postpone the wedding. If he is unwilling to agree to counseling, you have your answer. If he isn't willing to work on this now, he never will be.

Good luck.

I know I've already posted and I know it's hard but people don't change unless they want to themselves. My ex changed for 3 years, then went back to being how he was and I felt like I lost years because of him. But that's just my take. You have to ultimately do what's best for you and your child but I don't think you'll be able to give your child the life you want to give him in this situation.

I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*

@Kayla being in the situation I can say it is easier said than done. You always think the person will change until you are burnt one too many times by their actions. But I do agree 100% that children are resilient.

Haven't read responses but truly, only you can decide. Do you want a wedding or do you want a marriage? The deposits paid may be lost but really, it's only money. He will always be in your life because of your child but if you cannot see him making you happy, you have your answer. On the other hand, there's a reason you set a date and paid deposits after 5 years so maybe this is all the usual cold feet? I know, not very helpful. Think about why you set the date and started the planning.

Marriage counseling for starters, but you already know the answer. Is that how you want your son to treat people? Be kind to yourself and son, do what you know you need to.

I could deal with the crappy job and the beers with friends as long as he wasn't going out and getting drunk all the time. But there is no way in hell I would stay with a man that smoked a bunch of weed around my baby. Just no. He'd have to stop and that would be the first thing I told the judge when we went to court about custody. I don't want my child around him because I know he has a drug problem. It sounds like you have made a decision, but that doesn't make it easier. No doubt you love him, you have a child with him. But sometimes you have to know when to walk away.

Do no think about the money but more of your happiness!!

I agree with pp and suggest both marriage prep courses and pre-marriage counseling. The things you mentioned are very important things that will make up the foundation of your marriage. FH and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but overall we are compatible when it comes to sharing the same beliefs and values, so it works despite our differing opinions. This sounds like more than trivial doubts and runs into serious incompatibility, which is a problem. It will help to go to pre-marriage counseling and take a marriage prep class because then you can see if these things can be improved or if they are set in stone, in which case you should reconsider getting married. Marriage is about compromise and growth, but if your FH can't compromise on these very important issues or grow WITH you, he may not be the one for you. I'm sorry about this, honey, I feel for you. It makes sense that you want the father of your child to be your husband, but that's not always possible. You and your son will be better off if you stay single than to suffer through a difficult marriage. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you find a solution that works out and doesn't cause you too much pain.

So many ladies here are saying all the right things. I'd say if he doesnt make an effort to better himself for his wife to be and child, then its not worth the stress. If hes willing to try couples counseling I feel like that would possibly help, but you're right to be questioning the wedding. Don't tie yourself to someone you're not sure of. GOOD LUCK! And dont let these concerns go unadressed!