Just Said Yes February 2021

Need advice and don't want to disappoint my fiancee.

G, on November 19, 2019 at 8:13 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 5
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My fiancee and I live in a major city about a half hour to an hour from most of my family but 5-6 hours from his. His parents and sister visit regularly, but most of his extended family has not. When we first got engaged, he was very excited about wedding planning and showing his family why he loves where we live so much.

Unfortunately, there weren't many options within our city limits that were affordable and we found a place we love about 40 minutes outside. The place has a hotel on the property that is only available the night of the wedding, so it wouldn’t work for people staying a few nights. Aside from his family, we have a handful of friends that would be traveling in. There are many other hotels nearby (within 5-10 minutes) for people staying more than one night, but my fiancee doesn’t want his family “in a hotel in the middle of no where.” I am trying to be sensitive to his feelings. The venue is in the middle of a farm area and I understand his point for guests traveling for multiple nights. Most weddings I've been to with a lot of out of town guests have offered a hotel option near a nice downtown area.

He would like to offer a hotel with a shuttle service in our city and do a welcome dinner the night before that his parents would help pay for. This sounds stressful to me but I know it’s important to him. My worry is what if people don’t want to stay 40 minutes away? Many of our friends traveling in and would likely just want to stay at a hotel nearby. Also, our city doesn’t really offer much in terms of parking aside from expensive garages likely many blocks from where our dinner would be. Would local people (my family, etc) come to this dinner? We live in a highly urban areas where 40 minutes could easily turn into an hour or longer.

Our second option is about 2 hours from where we live, but at a beach where we spend our summers. My fiancee is okay with this idea as well, since his family would get to see the beach town that we love. This sounds less stressful to me because it forces mostly everyone (even most of my family and friends) to just stay at one hotel (of course there will be exceptions). The venue has a deal with a reasonably priced hotel that offers free shuttle service.

We love both places, but the first option is our preferred choice. It’s about 25% cheaper and in our opinion, a better value for the money (they offer more food at cocktail hour, and just more in general). The indoor spaces are beautiful even for photos. The second venue we love, but rain would seriously downgrade the quality of the photos. Part of the charm is that it’s right on the water and they have many beautiful outdoor spaces for photos. The entire wedding would be indoors, but guests would walk through outdoor areas and such to get beteen the ceremony, cocktial space, and reception space (different buildings). I know they say not to worry about weather, but it’s certainly a bonus when you find a place you love where literally everything woudl be indoors either way.

I don’t know what to do. A part of me is saying let’s go with the second place just because it sounds easier. But is that really a reason to book a place when there is one we love more that is cheaper? My fiancee says he “doesn’t care” if we just pick the first place and just get a hotel closeby, but I can tell he will be upset. When we first started looking, he was so excited about finding a venue within our city limits and his family coming to visit but unfortanutely it just didn’t work out. There was one affordable option and we hated it upon touring it. I don’t know how to logistically make this work without overcomplicating it and still keeping him happy even though he says he “doesn’t care.” Does anyone have any advice.


  • Neeva
    Expert April 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    It really depends on your priorities and making a list of what is most important to you may help you clarify this.

    For me, personally, I wanted convenience for my guests and for myself. Obviously cost is a huge factor too but I was okay cutting costs in other areas (decor) to get the venue that was convenient.

    Both venues sound about equally beautiful so not sure this is much of a factor for you to consider.

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  • Cristina
    Dedicated December 2021
    Cristina ·
    • Flag
    I’m having similar issues with choosing a venue, we have mostly out of town guest. I think it’s important to remember this day only happens once. You don’t want to regret decisions.

    I was married once before and at the time I allowed my ex-mother in-law to take control for the same reasons, their family and accommodations.
    For the most part guest will be on their own for one night correct? I think they would understand— you and FH could meet then the next morning for brunch and then spend the next few days in the same hotel.
    But I also agree make a list of much haves and the items that you must have. What does your heart desire then start a check list comparing the two venues.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I would go with the venue both of you love more. Is it possible you can sit down and compromise on another venue that's convenient for his family?

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  • Sinéad
    WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
    Sinéad ·
    • Flag

    Hey there!! Welcome to the WeddingWire community!

    I’m sorry that you are having such difficulty finding choosing your venue, but it’s great that you have found two venues that you love.

    If you were to choose the first venue option near your home, would it be possible to give your guests the choice of what hotel they stay in? You could give information about the one close to your venue and one in the city, mentioning that this will require some travel. They could also stay in the closer hotel for the night of the wedding and then move to a hotel in the city for any additional nights they are in town.

    It sounds like either venue would work great for your wedding but I think you need to sit down together and figure out what works logistically for each venue and then decide based on what you are happier as a couple to choose for your wedding.

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  • Nicole
    Super September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    Have you discussed your thoughts with his parents? I know most advice is do what you and FH want, but his parents can offer insight into what they think the family would want. Honestly, I would not want to stay 40 minutes from the wedding location. And regardless of where you get a block people will do what they want. They might stay in the city friday night and chose to stay closer saturday night to make more of a trip out of the weekend. I would discuss with his parents to gauge the family dynamics.

    Ultimately you and FH need to decide whats most important to you regarding your wedding. And also, how will a 40 minute shuttle influence your guests experience.

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