My wedding is 9 days away and one of my bridemaids always have an excuse, should i remove her?

My question to you is, who is this person to you that you appointed them as a bridesmaid having only met them five times previously? I would assume it is someone who left a lasting impression on you.

You haven't provided the full factual background but I think you need to cut whoever this bridesmaid is some slack. Your bridesmaids aren't obligated to attend your pre-wedding events and if they aren't able to make it for whatever reason you need to accept that they do have their own lives and won't be able to drop everything for your wedding. By the same token, if she or her children are sick, that is not an "excuse" to get out of bridesmaid duties (which are voluntary).

I personally would be rather appalled if I found out a friend wanted to kick me out of the bridal party because I couldn't meet certain commitments due to prioritising my own sister's gender reveal or because either myself or my children were sick.

View Quoted Comment Sorry if my question was not clear. I meant to say that my bridemaids and I met 5 times and this bridesmaid never made it

View Quoted Comment

I still don't really think it would reflect well on you if you were to demote her from your bridal party.

From what you have described, it seems like very legitimate reasons for her to not be able to make the last few events, and sometimes, life does get in the way and repeatedly. Some people are flaky and can't be held responsible to step up to the plate of being in the bridal party but it sounds to me like this woman isn't necessarily like that, but just has had a string of things happen the last few times she was meant to see you.

A bridesmaid's responsibility is to show up to the wedding in the appropriate attire. It sounds like she has tried to make certain events, but other things are going on in her life. I personally don't see her having done anything that warrants you ending your friendship over (and removing her as a bridesmaid is a friendship ending move).

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your response, but it isn't that she hasn't been able to attend the last few events, she hasn't attended any of them. She told me that she always talks asking other Bridemaids if they need help, but ask the Bridemaids and they said it's not true. In addition, she said that she is sick but yet I see her posting videos going out with other friends which is why I don't understand what is going on. The last excuse she gave me was that she can't meet after 5 because she lives far ( 40 mins away) that is not a legitimate excuse. Do you understand what I mean?

View Quoted Comment

If she's lying to you about being sick and otherwise doing things with other friends (repeatedly) then that is a completely different story to her actually being sick.

Only you know the full set of circumstances so as to be able to make this decision. All I can say is be warned - this is a friendship ending decision, and 9 days out from your wedding, this might cause you a lot of drama prior to the wedding which you don't need.

If you're having doubts, consider speaking to her first to make sure that you're on the same page and that she is interested in and committed to being a bridesmaid at your wedding.

I know this isn't what you probably want to hear, but being that you are about a week out I say let it go, don't add stress if you don't have to. If its true she's been heading out early from other events maybe it will happen with your wedding too.

View Quoted Comment

It doesn't matter if she hasn't attended any events though. All of that is optional. The "job" of the bridesmaid is to show up, wear the dress and pose for photos. This is supposed to be an honour for your friend, not for you. Kicking her out is going to reflect badly on you, I'm guessing.

It gets very hazy when you don’t know the facts and your brain fills in the blanks. Do you want the drama and stress days before your wedding of kicking someone out? Or would you rather focus on what is potentially one of the happiest days of your life? Nothing (and nobody) is perfect. I’d personally find ways to just turn that frustration into something humorous. “There she goes again…does she have to paint the lawn this time?” Lol


I think if she accepted the role of bridesmaid, she really does care about you.

I agree with others as far as all pre-wedding events are optional. Remember, Bridesmaids have other friends, relationships and commitments that are also a priority. If you are done and want to end the friendship, you should reimburse her for anything she has purchased specifically for your wedding, biggest item being the dress.

Just as a note from one of your comments as someone who has a similar rule for myself (I also live 40 minutes from my best friends). If she can't meet after 5, she doesn't want to meet after 5. Once I get home from work (6:30), I'm done and start to unwind from my day, and am just not up for things. 40 minutes may not seem long to you, but that's still an hour and 20 minutes (with/without traffic) out of her day and takes up a lot in the evening hours

View Quoted Comment I agree. If you don’t mind the tension and drama that will be added and it’s important for you to confront her, then do it. But decide if it is worth the cost.

If you're ready to cut her out of your life completely, then you can remove her as a bridesmaid. Because that is a friendship ending move. But if you just want to remove her as a bridesmaid because she's been flaky but you still want to be her friend, just keep her in it. The worst that could happen is she doesn't show up, and while that would stink, you would just be short one person. It really won't change anything about your day and then you'd know what you really mean to her. So, personally, I would just keep her in it.

I agree that she does not have to come to every bachelorette, shower, etc. but she should be honest about why. It's a red flag that she leaves things early to go hang out with other friends -- I would be worried she would do the same thing at the wedding. Most people don't stay for an entire wedding, but she needs to at least stick around for the photos and grand entrance since your whole bridal party will be involved in that. Does she have her dress? If so, I would just let her come since it's only 9 days out.

You said she didn’t attend any pre-wedding events (which is not necessary as others have said) but she DID attend your bridal shower. So she left early? She still took time to go. It also sounds like your sister is pressuring you about this which is inappropriate- she never should have brought up the argument to you a couple days before the wedding. If you want to end your friendship with this person then kick her out of the bridal party but it doesn’t sound fair given the information you provided.

View Quoted Comment I think this is a very valid point. Along with an 80min drive, this bridesmaid would have to ensure her husband or a sitter is available to feed the kids dinner, take them to activities, help with homework, and bathe them. What might seem like a simple meeting or get-together to some requires a lot of pre-planning for others.

I agree with others. Her only real responsibility as a bridesmaid is to show up in the correct dress on time for the wedding. Everything else is all optional. If she is lying about all these excuses and just ditching out after a short period, yes it sucks and I'm sure it hurts. But unless you don't care to lose her as a friend I wouldn't demote her this close to the wedding. I'm 9 days away as well and if this was how one of my bridesmaids was acting I'd probably just let it go. Being this close I have let a lot of things go because I see it as I'm getting married next weekend and after that I won't have to deal with it anymore.

What’s missing from this post is anything about your relationship with this person. That’s what matters most. If she’s a close dear friend, if she’s a family member, these are more important than if she’s showed up to a few events.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and your friend kicked you out of her weddings for the reasons you described?

Your feelings are totally valid! Did you happen to lay out any expectations to your bridesmaids when you asked them to be one? Because if you did then she should have communicated that she was not able to meet certain expectations. If not then she is assuming that it is fine because it was never communicated. I'm sure it would've been better if she was there so you can celebrate with ALL your girls. But at the end of the day, whatever she has going on let her be and do not remove her. By removing her may also cause some tension. However, if it is a big issue then you should discuss with her if she is OKAY. Maybe she has something going on that she hasn't been able to tell you because you are planning a wedding. Communicate with her