Elle
Master March 2015

My theme is not something my mother wants *RANT/VENT*

Elle, on July 9, 2014 at 8:52 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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A couple of you know, and I'm tired of being vague. I'm having a Dr Who wedding.

My mother has not been pleased with this decision since the beginning. Though my mother is the kind of person that doesn't like ANYTHING that's not a standard tried and true idea. You know what I'm talking about: Church wedding, mothers dress, no first look, plain black and white invitation, standard sit down rehearsal, etc etc etc.

Well she's SORTA come around, but is still very resistant. In my opinion I could have gone a lot crazier on the theme. Here are the details so far: Sonic screwdrivers attached to the bouquets, blue and yellow color scheme, gallifreyan invitations, dr who themed vows, "tardis" key wedding favors, an appearance by three full sized daleks, a k-9, and a tardis, riversong's journal will be our guest book, and the groom cake and bridal cake will have some sort of DR who element that I haven't worked out yet.

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24 Comments

Latest activity by Jyl, on April 8, 2020 at 12:34 AM
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    So I found these cute lanterns that I could repaint blue and use as aisle markers, and then they can be moved to the tables as centerpieces. I also wanted to have framed pictures of all the doctors, and some of the companions as table markers. "Sarah you are sitting at table 2" and have a picture of the second doctor on the table. I forwarded the lanterns in an email to my mother along with my idea for the picture frames. Her response was "Don't get to hung up on the show."

    I guarantee if I was having a rustic wedding (or something else she might approve of) she wouldn't tell me to get to hung up on "Rustic". -_- I'm just a little frustrated that every time I try to include her, we do the "Elle you're doing it wrong dance". It makes me not want to include her, which is sad. Smiley sad I want to talk to her about wedding stuff, but since she doesn't like the vision for my wedding talking to her about any of this is an uphill battle.

    Sorry for the rant. I know how to handle my disproving momzilla, it just makes me sad to know that she doesn't like the choices I make... It makes me feel like I'm about an inch tall, and makes me doubt what I want.

    • Reply
  • Stacy
    VIP August 2014
    Stacy ·
    • Flag

    Don't feel badly about doing what you want. We all strive for our parents to be proud of us, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I'm sure your mom's done things that her parents didn't approve of...lol... Keep your chin up, do things your way, and she'll either come around, or she won't. ((hugs))

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  • Samantha
    Super June 2016
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I agree with @Stacy, you should not feel bad about doing this because this is YOUR wedding. You can always talk to her about how you feel if you want, but you should not try to please her every step of the way. If this helps, I am having a Jurassic Park themed wedding and my mom is just starting to come around to the idea and started giving me ideas. Just hang in there and try to enjoy the wedding planning. It will get better, don't worry.

    • Reply
  • KimS
    Master September 2014
    KimS ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry, Elle. It's hard when visions clash, especially when it's your mom. Just keep moving along, knowing that it's what you and your FH really like and will make your wedding special. Being a traditional person like she is, maybe she's afraid that you'll look back and it will feel dated with so many Dr. Who elements? Hopefully, as she sees it coming together, she'll bend somewhat. If not, that's on her.

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  • Manders
    Super July 2014
    Manders ·
    • Flag

    I think it's a generational thing. My in laws threw a fit when we told them that we were ditching tradition completely.

    In the end, it's about YOU and FH. NOT them. They can show up and shut up or they can choose to boycott lol. The rude comments are totally inappropriate from your mom. I can't imagine not being supportive of EVERYTHING when my daughter gets married.

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  • rusticbride
    Master May 2014
    rusticbride ·
    • Flag

    Move along. If Mommy's not helping to pay, then I wouldn't worry. Ultimately, when the day arrives, she will be in the right mind set to enjoy her daughter's wedding, and the theme won't matter. Her daughter's happiness will... so in the words of Joy Behar "so what?! who cares?!"

    • Reply
  • Ashley P.
    Super October 2014
    Ashley P. ·
    • Flag

    *Falling to the floor in fan girl mode*

    Like Manders said, definitely a generational thing. It's your wedding and I know it's so hard to clash with your mom, because I have many times with the weird things I want, but again...YOUR day. Keep that in mind. You'll kick yourself years from now for not having the wedding that you wanted because of your mom.

    • Reply
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    Thanks guys. I have attempted to talk to her on this issue once and it kinda blew up.

    When I say "Hey this is what I want" she thinks for a moment and gives me 15-20 other options she finds more suitable. She either is trying to sway me, or seriously delutedly believes that every idea I say I'm doing is an opportunity for an unsolicited brain storming session.

    One time she did this and I begged her to stop trying to talk me out of my ideas, and then she called me stubborn and told me I always dig my heels in when she gives suggestions. It was a huge fight.

    So I started giving her things to make choices on that I didn't care about at all, which made her happy. I even made a BIG DEAL out of these little details so she would feel like she is contributing quite a bit.

    Anywho. Thanks guys for the encouragement. It gets you down when its the millionth time this has happened since the wedding planning began.

    • Reply
  • Barbara
    Master September 2014
    Barbara ·
    • Flag

    You are definitely not alone, and really, it may not have anything to do with the theme-- some parents get SOOOO entitled when their kids start planning weddings, you'd think it was theirs! Even FH's mom, who is the most laid-back, apathetic person when it comes to any decision, has tried to put in her two cents!!

    • Reply
  • Manders
    Super July 2014
    Manders ·
    • Flag

    @Elle, just like what Ashley said. When you look back on your wedding you might have regrets if you budge on some of this. Besides, if anything is "dated" it's tradition. We're millennials! We are innovators! Free thinkers! Etc! Smiley smile Even if you completely outgrow Dr Who, this is who you are right now, at this moment in your life. How could you ever, truly regret that?

    • Reply
  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
    • Flag

    Clearly she doesn't watch Dr. Who. I love the sonic screwdriver/bouquet by the way!

    Maybe she doesn't like that your theme is a popular culture/trend and that many older Americans (i.e. her family) won't get it and she fears it will look silly and not timeless. Perhaps she feels that your theme is better served for a birthday party rather than a wedding. I love the show, but I would also probably be disappointed if my daughter did not have a classic wedding.

    I'd say ask her opinions on things that you're not using Dr. Who stuff for.

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  • GrayCatVintage
    Master October 2015
    GrayCatVintage ·
    • Flag

    Parents do not get "theme" weddings, period. I am absolutely convinced of this and it does not matter what the theme is. One of my older friends said whatever you do, do not do something you will look back on in 10 years and say "OMG I looked like a costumed idiot at Comic-Con on my wedding day." As long as you feel like looking back on your wedding will not result in regret, then do whatever you want! I attended a "heavy metal wedding" about 7 years ago - it was fine!

    • Reply
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    @manders: thank you, that is the most inspiring thin. I've heard on this subject.

    Thank you everyone for the advice, and insight. Its appriciated more then you all know.

    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Expert October 2015
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag

    I'm having the same argument with my mother about some of the Doctor Who touches at my wedding. It's not themed but my colors are blue and white so I'm using a few Doctor Who things (cake topper, garter, possibly table names) and she just doesn't get it. Remind her that it's your wedding and this is something that you and FH enjoy. I'm also INSANELY jealous of your wedding Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    I ended up telling her that she's lucky I've kept it toned down (not for her benefit just in general). That kinda shut her up. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • JaKLyn
    Master November 2015
    JaKLyn ·
    • Flag

    Glad to see we're not the only ones having a Dr. Who wedding. My family has been ok with it, but the future in-laws are being extremely difficult. But at the end of the day it's our day the way we want. We made a giant Tardis, and our flowers are made out of paper so we used sheet music from our favorite episodes for some of the flowers. Smiley smile We went with blue and gold and even got our officiate to agree to wear the 4th Doctor's scarf Smiley smile good luck with your mom!

    • Reply
  • Koch Bride
    Master September 2014
    Koch Bride ·
    • Flag

    I think it is hard for someone to accept something they do not fully understand. I know nothing about Dr. Who or any of the things you said but if it makes you and your FH happy then go for it. My mom fought me on having eggplant colored bridesmaid dresses and also had totally different visions for the decor in the room. Its annoying but eventually mom let it go!

    • Reply
  • Storm <3 Kosman
    Master August 2014
    Storm <3 Kosman ·
    • Flag

    Our parents can't say much since our dads introduced us Dr. Who.

    • Reply
  • Finally mrs.jkr
    Master May 2021
    Finally mrs.jkr ·
    • Flag

    The only thing I would suggest (not about your mom but the table numbers) is to make sure you have the number of the table two... you wouldn't want people to be like.... hey that's Chris Eccleston/David Tennant I like them I'll sit there... if they dont know what doctor goes with what number, lol

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy August 2014
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    This is your day! Again, this is your day! I know how mothers can be so i'm sure its tought. If you can just explain to her how important this day and to you hopefully she can just be happy and let you plan your own wedding. good luck

    • Reply

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