My self esteem is lower than ever

I was very hurt by her comment because my curly hair is who I am. I love my hair and it makes me...me. However, when I saw my bridal pictures yesterday..all I wanted to do was straighten my hair. All I saw was how unattractive I looked and all I could do was picture other brides and how stunning all of them were and compare myself to them. I know that's a terrible thing to do but that's where my mind went. I just need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay and they understand how I feel. I don't even know if I'm making sense. I'm just very upset and I feel lost. I know the wedding isn't about people seeing me and everyone that's there is there because they want to support my fiancé and I...but my anxiety and my fear of making a fool out of myself and looking like anything but a bride is overruling any calming thoughts I'm trying to have. I thought the pictures would make me feel gorgeous and excited about the big day... And they just did the exact opposite.

It sounds like you may have body dysmorphia. Have you sought professional help for any of these feelings? To others it may seem ridiculous, but it is obviously something that is troubling you enough to impact your personal life on a greater level. Just remember, your FH loves you, and wants to marry you. I am sure he doesn't even see the flaws you see in yourself.

ETA; I also hate looking at pictures of myself. We are our own worst critics. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Aww hon, every bride looks like a bride. There is no "one fits all" when it comes to being a bride. It sounds like you just need some self-love. And dont just focus on the physical, tell yourself what you love about YOU. What makes you uniquely you.

And we would LOVE to see your pictures, I'm confident that you look absolutely gorgeous in them.

Girl....you're adorable! Don't you dare straighten out those curls; you have beautiful hair! Your fiance, family and friends love you just the way you are, inside and out. If you're comfortable with it, please post a pic of you in your dress. I bet you rock it!

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I'm struggling with my weight and not being the size I pictured on my wedding day, so you aren't alone in at least a portion of your feelings. I agree that maybe seeking counseling would be beneficial for you. If anything, it's a safe place to talk about things you might not realize were issues.

You are marrying your best friend. This person has chosen to love you and finds you gorgeous. Yes, loving someone is a choice- and he picked you!!! Try to see yourself from his eyes. That's how I've been getting over my body issues lately- seeing myself the way FH describes me.

I totally get you. My issue right now is my size. My bff just got her pics back from her wedding and in every single one I am fat. Not like oh I should lose some weight but like....chubby, bloated, standing in weird poses, and making awful faces. There's not a single one that didn't make me cringe, HARD. I HATE THEM. I have been feeling awful about myself. Plus I just found out I'm pregnant, so it's not like I'm going to work my ass off and suddenly lose 30 pounds before the wedding, right?

But then today my fiance forgot something at work and he asked me to drop it off, and when I got back he texted me "Your lipstick looked really pretty today!." That's not something he ever says, it took me by total surprise (and I cried, but I'm pregnant, so I get a free pass). It reminded me that the only person who cares what I look like in photos is me. My bff loved that I was smiling and happy with her that day. My fiance is still going to be married to me whether I love my photos or not. And whenever I see a plus size bride showing pics of herself on WW I never think oh, she's big...I think oh my god look at her ring! her flowers! her dress! her smile!

So yeah. It's in our heads. But I'm totally there with you. Just remember that you really WILL be an amazing glowing bride on the day of and who gives a shit about the photos, it's the marriage that's important. If we remember that and focus on our happiness, that will shine through in the photos too.

ETA: My hair is big and curly and I don't like the dye job she did (I'm yellow blonde right now, brassy blonde almost), I hated it in all the pictures too. I'm blonde because everyone in my life says they like me blonde better. I told my fiance last night that everyone can fuck off because I'm dying it dark for the wedding. I like it better that way. Who cares what other people think, my hair is freaking awesome and I will do with it what I want lol.

I don't believe it's body dysmorphia. When I see myself in other pictures I look fine. My engagement pictures for instance. I felt gorgeous that day. When it comes to me as a bride I feel very unattractive and just feel like I don't match up to the bridal status if that makes sense?? I probably sound like an idiot. It's just.. When I saw myself in my dress that's supposed to make me feel stunning and gorgeous and excited..I felt none of those things. I felt dread because people were going to see me look like that. A lot of people. In my head they're going to be disappointed at how I look. I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm just trying to explain myself. :/

Uhm. My advice...go look at Offbeat Bride today and revel in how many different types of brides there are. They're all bridal, and freaking AWESOME.

The one thing I can say is, everyone that is there is for you guys. They have seen you many times and honestly I have yet to even hear someone say "they looked worse in a wedding dress". I have always saw the brides that I knew look PRETTIER in their dresses.

If you are concerned about what others are thinking, trust me they will think you look even more beautiful. Beauty is inside out. Project your happiness that day and your beauty will show.

Why do you think they will be disappointed in the way you look though? I am sure you can rock a wedding dress just as much as the rest of us can.

Thank you all so much. You're all making me feel better just by understanding where I'm coming from. It's got a lot to do with my weight definitely. I'm usually comfortable with it but seeing myself in the dress..just kinda crushed me completely. I was seeing 3 chins and a gapped smile...and my arms look like logs and my boobs are saggy. And my stomach.. I won't even start there. The pictures made me cringe. Congratulations AMW. I'm so excited for you and thank you so much EgSh. I've been contemplating what to do about my hair for the past two days.

*hugs* to you OP! Based on your last post, is it possible it's nerves, coupled with insensitive comments (rock that curly hair!!) that are making you doubt yourself? For me, if anyone makes a comment about some physical aspect (my hair is too long/wild, my front tooth is funky), I tend to focus on that, even though I know better.

On your wedding day, you're going to be beautiful and radiant and feel gorgeous. When you walk down the aisle, you're going to be so focused on your marriage to your FH, and all of that happiness and excitement and confidence is going to shine through every one of your pictures from your wedding day!

@Warrens, you need to let go of what you think a bride should look like. There's no template. And no one is going to be disappointed in how you look. I know where you're coming from, but the only thing I can tell you is you need to have a "fuck it" attitude. If you feel confident and beautiful, you'll radiate that. Fake it til you make it.

Does the dress just not fit well? Is there something you think you can do to look more like what you have in your head?

Seriously, though. No one is going to say "Man, I was hoping you'd be prettier." EVERYONE is going to say you look beautiful because you will and because you're going to be so happy to be getting married. Chin up, love.

ETA: Also, you could just spend the day googling "wedding fail" and "ugly bride" to make yourself feel better.

I can't say I know exactly what you're going thru, but I think what I'm feeling comes close. I'm currently the heaviest I've been in my life and sometimes when i look in the mirror, it's like I don't see me. I have good days and bad days. Sometimes focusing on others helps me to realize I'm taking things too seriously. Other times i crave reinforcements from my fiance. And still other times, I try to pamper myself. Put on make up wear a fav dress and do my hair in a more fancy style. Whichever I choose usually depends on the degree of sadness/anxiety I feel.

I'm saying all that to say this... You're not alone!

Try discussing it with your FH and maybe try my suggestions.

Keep strong sistah!

I need you to go a mirror and say this:

"I am beautiful, I am a bride, I am me, and I am worth it."

Positive reaffirmation is a powerful thing. We are our own worst critics but we also need to be our own biggest supporters. If you haven't already, I suggest perhaps therapy to help unveil these feelings of low self esteem.

Aside from all that, you get to marry the love of your life! You will be radiating happiness and look stunning the day of your wedding. A happy, smiling bride is a beautiful bride!

And another thing, don't you DARE straighten your hair! Curly hair is bomb! As a girl with pin straight hair, I've always been very jealous of voluminous, curly, wild hair.

ETA: just saw your last comment and no, you don't sound like an idiot.

Brittany C. I think it's because I never wear dresses. And every time I do I don't really feel like me. I feel like I'm trying to be someone else. So when it comes to my wedding dress...which is a princess dress btw...which I never wanted to be growing up..(I wasn't one of those girls) I feel like I have big shoes to fill. I realize that this is all in my head...but you guys are helping me so much just by trying to understand. Thank you.

Do you see a therapist or counselor for any of your anxiety issues? This sounds like it's a little bigger than just some pre-wedding insecurity - it sounds like some pretty deep-rooted insecurity that's coming to light because of the big event. I think it would be beneficial if you had someone to talk to who has some background in this.

If you don't have time to find someone or don't already have a therapist, look up some ways to cope with anxiety. It sounds like you're kind of trapped in a circle of negative thoughts and your anxiety just makes it worse with constant "what ifs" happening in your head. I can totally relate - I'm still dealing with the fallout from 10+ years of an eating disorder and the lovely self-talk that goes with that.

When you have those negative thoughts about yourself, try to grasp the thought and question why you think that way - you know that a bride can look any way and be beautiful, so why are you being so hard on yourself for looking like you? Put some logic to the thought and challenge it.

A lovely phrase I like to use when I'm trying to stop some of my nasty thoughts is - "if you had a friend who spoke to you the way you sometimes speak to yourself... how long would you allow that person to be your friend?" Be a good friend to yourself! You are beautiful and will look amazing on your wedding day, and every other day for that matter!

I can totally relate with having a different image of how I'm hoping to look on my wedding day and how I will realistically look.

My best advice is to remember exactly what this day is about. It's not about being a runway model in a designer dress. It's about committing yourself to your partner and your partner to you. It's about the sanctity of marriage and love and family and sharing this moment in time with all those people.

You are your biggest critic and there's nothing that can change that, but keep the big picture in mind and keep focusing on the end game

You will look beautiful on your wedding day, I can guarantee it. I've never seen a bride who didn't

Except the Shrek bride that broke the internet a few years ago. So, don't have a Shrek wedding and you'll be fine

Did you choose that dress or were you pressured into it? I know its probably too late to change it but, I hope you didnt choose it because you were made to feel like you should. I'm not much of a dress girl either so I opted for a mini because poof and lace just isnt me and I'll be damned if someone says I can't be me on my day, y'know?

Please post your BAM when it's all over so we can all reassure you that you look beautiful

ETA: I have a gappy smile too! (right between my two front teeth!) FUCK IT!

I have body dysmorphia and it is absolutely horrible to deal with, so while you may not have it, I've heard it's not uncommon for brides to have these types of freak outs so soon before the wedding.

And I bet your hair was beautiful in the pictures but you already had that in your mind becasse someone had brought it up. And I love curly curly hair so you do you on your day. Go get yourself a pedicure....weirdly enough thats what makes me feel sort of pretty when I'm extra down on myself.