My Parents vs wedding planning

Plan the wedding that you and your FH can afford, then you don't have to follow your parents timeline.

Did you and your parents ever talk specifically about the total budget and what they are comfortable contributing, and when? If not, I'd have that conversation immediately. There is a huge gap between parents wanting to give you "whatever you want" and "understand money." When daughter got engaged, we told her what total dollar amount we were willing to contribute (later in the process we increased it by about 10% to cover some upgrades that we thought were worth it). If your parents aren't comfortable giving you a dollar figure and timeline for their contributions, I agree with Caytlyn that you and FH should probably plan the wedding you two can afford to pay for on your own. Later, if your folks come up with cash, it will be a pleasant surprise; if not, at least you'll know you can cover what you've planned/committed to. Depending on where you live, I agree waiting to book your caterer until 6 months out might be risky. (Unless you'll be going with "drop-off/pick-up" catering from a chain restaurant like Olive Garden or something similar that doesn't need much notice.) Good luck!

I agree with MOB So Cal. You need to sit down with your parents and get an exact dollar amount that your parents are willing to contribute. If they are not willing to give you that, then I would sit down with your fiance and decide what the 2 of you can afford and move forward with planning your wedding.

This was the problem I ran into with my parents in the beginning of planning for my wedding. They originally said whatever I want and when I would try to book or plan visits they wouldn't think it was time to do it. I got engaged December 2018 and was planning a big wedding for December 2020. It was very frustrating because I couldn't try to book a venue till they did a taste testing first but I didn't care about the food, so I asked them to just pick the venue and just let me deal with decorating plus everything else. They refused since they would say its my wedding and I need to plan it! GRR! I tried to break down the cost at one point on what we could afford and what we would need from them but again they didn't think it was time to talk money and how they weren't sure they could save enough due to work issues. In the end my Fh decided we didn't want this big 150 wedding for December of 2020. We decided to have a small intimate wedding for December 14,2019! We originally planned just to do 25 guest(only immediate family) since that's what WE(me and FH) could afford to pay off ourselves. When we finally told my parent this past Easter, I had already book/put a deposit on the venue, photographer, cake, violinist, and more! They weren't to happy but eventually came around and even helped us pay a good portion of the wedding since they asked to invite our local family bringing the total to about 50 guest.

I suggest really sitting down with your parents and letting them know how you need to have stuff booked in 2020 because people book up fast. Try getting quotes from many different vendors and giving them the cost breakdown so they can give you idea on what to spent. Otherwise you might have to plan the wedding you can afford to pay yourself. Good luck

If you want things a certain way then you have to foot the bill. I agree with you as far as being frustrated and wanting to plan things gradually month by month, but if your parents are taking care of the finances, then it’s their way.

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Thank you, i can totally relate to this. I personally would rather fly to the beach and do a small wedding or go to vegas. My FH on the other hand has a huge family and wants a big family wedding at home. Our guest is at 250. I am scared that is what itll have to come down to. I just have no idea what I am doing with wedding planning and thought i would be having more of their help. I am the only girl my parents had and they seemed to want to step up to the plate and take care of the bigger stuff as my future father in law and mother in law are helping pitch in with some other stuff. But now how am i going to cut their list if i do decide to make it smaller. I just feel so lost in this mix. I guess i just need to move onto a different subject of the wedding. I have talked to 15 BBQ catering companies with quotes sent to my dad and everytime its just crickets.

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I'm the only girl too and if I had the money my wedding would be at Disney lol but that's super expensive. I come from a huge family from all over, my sweet 16 had over 100 people. My FH only has a small family so out of the 50 guest, he only has 15. I have 30 because his family isn't as close.(there's other drama with that too lol fights over his step dad family not being invited and when we did give them 12 invites they declined over the formal dress code, rolls eyes). Anyways you and Fh should set down and look at the quotes you are getting to see what you can afford without your parents. That way if it comes down to it you can let your parents know the new plans. If they want to help with cost they are more than willing to but you have taken over the planning process. I was getting so stressed with not being able to plan that my Fh told me I'm not even close to myself and it was scary. Which is why we decided to just take the planning into our own hands. Maybe take the holidays to relax and not think of the wedding at all till the new year. You still have time honestly because you should have the major vendors booked at a year out atleast!(some book up faster). Is there any wedding expos coming up you can bring them too? Maybe hearing a vendor tell them they need to book soon might help jump start them.