My new last name same as ex-wife

I’m in the same situation. I once met a couple who I told this problem too and they had both changed their names to something they both wanted or both hyphened their names. Im still trying to convince my fiancé to go for changing it to champian my grandmothers maiden name. Names are more important to us than men know if it’s truly equal why should one person change their name n not the other?

Do you mean that you have the same first name as well? I can see how that would bother you. It definitely would me, but if you would be one to change your name if this were not the situation, you should go ahead and change it. Don't let her keep you from changing your name if that is what you want. Hopefully she remarries someday (or maybe it will be a catalyst for her to change hers back).

If you're just upset that she will have the same last name, you need to let that go. I know plenty of divorced women who have not changed their names back. It's a PITA and I would only do it if I got remarried or if the ex were particularly awful (like abuse or something.)

View Quoted Comment No we don’t have the same first name. She is just your typical crazy lunatic of an ex-wife and I was afraid of being associated with her lol stupid I know but it’s easy to get wrapped up in little stuff like that (for me anyway).

Hrm....I never gave this much thought until now. Im actually in the same boat. My fiances ex wife, the biggest C-word on the bloody planet, kept his last name too. Funny though... she changed it back to her maiden name on social media platforms, just not legally. Idiot. after reading this, I literally messaged my fiance and asked him to address this with his ex. We get married next Saturday. Shed better have it changed before then. Shes seriously beyond stupid and cant function like a normal adult, so I highly doubt it will ever get done.

I guess if worse come to worse, we will both be Mrs. Cobb. Yay.... (yes, hes divorced her.....but she still goes by Mrs. Cobb legally)

I've only met 1 person that has changed her name back after being divorced, and I don't understand why it should be expected of an ex-wife to change it. What does it matter if you have the same last name? To me it just seems like there could be much bigger issues with the ex-wife, the same last name is easy to deal with.

Im in almost the same exact situation but she ended up getting remarried then her last name was her new husband's last name, then they divorced and she went back to my soon to be husband's last name, im like you i dont know if im overthinking it. This will be my first time getting married and I love my fiancé to pieces but I dont wanna marry him if this is gonna be an issue i need help on this.

Keep your name if you want to. I did. But don't do it for a silly reason. All ex wives who used their husbands surnames are entitled to keep it. It has been custom for centuries. You know once she was married to your FI, and now she isn't.
Why does it bother you? Unless you have a rare name, many thousands of people share that name. Meanwhile, including you and herself in "our family" to the child is entirely appropriate, and actually welcoming. You both are/ will be part of the child's family. It would help if you would refer to her inclusively, too. Our family, for the child's sake.

View Quoted Comment This is how I see it too. Ex including you and herself as the child's family is of great help, a kindness.

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Is it that you don't know if you want to change your last name to his or that you don't know if you want to marry him because of the ex-wife? If you're having doubts about the marriage itself, I would hit pause and maybe seek counseling to figure out what you want to do. Divorces happen, but you don't want to enter into a marriage if you aren't 100% certain it's what you want.

All I know is when I went through my divorce with my ex at first I didn’t want to change my last name in the beginning of it. I knew I was doing it for two reasons one was I didn’t want to have to change my driver’s license, SSC etc cause well it’s a hassle and I was dealing with a lot as it was. Two was I was being spiteful, he was putting me through hell and I was easy to divorce I was giving him pretty much everything and just took what I needed and he kept the house, our camper and two nice vehicles, I just wanted my car some money and what I came in with before marriage and all the decorations for holidays that’s it! But he wanted to make things run on and on and stress me out and I just wanted out, so I was gonna be that one who didn’t change my name!


Then one day I looked at myself in the mirror and said seriously your gonna keep his last name, why!? I knew I looked like some vengeful ex, who just looked like some crazy B!t(H and I also thought why would I want any ties to him, what’s the point!? So I changed it and I’m fine with it.
Truly looking at it and being in that situation I know more often then not women keep it as a way to be spiteful and lazy because she’s pissed and wants to make a point. It has nothing to do with children but all to do with not moving on and starting over. So if your that women like I was about to be don’t keep it just give yourself the opportunity to rid yourself of it and heal and move on to be the one who looks exactly like he is portraying you to be.
Good luck to those in the middle of a divorce or separation!

I know this is a few years old but I FEEL ALL OF THIS!!! "It's only a name" is a fair point for some, but for those of us dealing with super high-conflict exes who are being petty and spiteful, it's so much more.

In my case, the ex won't change her name because she claims she doesn't want to have a different last name from her daughter (who is 11 and does not give a fig either way)... her "compromise" was to change her name and their daughter's last name to her maiden name. NO WAY is that going to happen! She was so nasty to my FH during their marriage, basically tricked him into even having a baby, cheated on him, then wanted to have an open marriage and when he said no, kicked him out of the house the day after his birthday and lied to their daughter about why he "left them." She also got pregnant by someone else before their divorce was even finalized, and was planning on that child having my FH's last name as well because she broke up with the actual father... WHAT?!?!?! Unfortunately, and truly very sadly, she miscarried and that did not come to light, but it was a high point of stress for my FH and I as legally (in our state anyways) he would have been considered the father. Just absolutely bonkers stuff... and I know if she gets married to the guy she's currently with, she'll change her name anyways - because she has SAID SO! So it's not about their daughter at all -- to me, it's just as Summer describes; she's being lazy, spiteful, and digging the knife in just because she can, and because she knows it makes me and her ex husband uncomfortable. It's not easy to "just get over it," and even two years of therapy hasn't helped me through it yet.

Meanwhile I'm struggling daily with whether I will even change my name at all, hyphenate, or go full steam and take his name boldly... not only because of this, but because of my identity and connection to my current family name. SIGH!! These are the things nobody can prepare you for lol!

View Quoted Comment Hahaha. I use my own beautiful last name and add his with a hyphen. It is much more distinct and elegant. His ex can keep using it for the kids or whatever. The man is MINE NOW!

I'm in the same boat. My husband's ex wife swore up and down she'd always be a Daniel's. She never changed her last name back to her maiden name. It honestly doesn't bother me but others can be bothered by it. I get it. I think she does it out of spite. And shes no longer a part of my husband's family. She even got mad because everyone in his family stopped talking to her. Shes not a nice person and has burned all of her bridges with everyone. They're children they have together obviously still talk to her some times. They're adults and I'm ok with them having contact with her.